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Sexual Abuse. (Me)

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Unreadable, Dec 28, 2014.

  1. Unreadable

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    At the age of 7 i was an Innocent child never swore never seen anyone else genitalia etc, and my Auntie, Uncle and Cousin were my my 3 favourite relatives after my main family, so when My mum and them asked me did i want to stay at their house for a week in the summer i was really eager to jump and say yes, but very little did i know it was going to be a week of torture.
    Arriving at the house i was put into the guest room which was quite big which contained a Single bed, Television and a wardrobe so my Auntie helped me put my stuff away, when it started to get late they sent me to bed which was perfectly fine as i was really tired, i put the Television to fall asleep to, 20-25 minutes later i heard my Cousin say to my Auntie and Uncle that he was going to bed so i went Oh Okay, and closed my eyes. Then i heard the Door Open, i opened my eyes to see my Cousin standing there watching my with the most eviliest smile i had ever seen. he came over and kissed me on the forehead and asked if he could sleep in my bed as his was 'Broken' he was 13 at the time and quite big but i said yes anyway because i admired him.
    A few minutes later i felt his hand rubbing my leg and getting further and further up, when he got near my penis he said, ooh nice can i touch it inside, i immediately thought No, Mummy told me never to let anyone touch your private area, but he was my cousin so i trusted him i thought he was not going to do anything, when he pulled my pants down he put his head down and started to lick my penis (I Did not get an erection as i was 7) and i thought Please Stop, i said it and he went Okay, if you want but you have to do it to me i thought no but i wanted it to stop so i said Okay, so he grabbed my head and shoved it infront of his bare Penis and said Put it in your mouth, i kept my mouth shut so he forced it in, i could feel it getting harder and harder and it was getting deeper into my mouth and i nearly threw up, he finished in my mouth and he went, swallow it its good for you, i believed him, so i did and i was sick in the toilet. After that he went to sleep but he made my sleep naked, i was worried he would do it again, Nothing else happened that night.
    As the Week Progressed through the week My Auntie and Uncle Were at work and my cousin and me were in the living room watching Disney Channel, He turned and looked at me with that smile again, i thought OH NO! i don't want to but this time, he did not make me Suck his penis he bent me over and put the tip of his penis into my butt i SCREAMED he said no one will here you you dirty little B*****D I Kept Screaming until he stopped then he was near finishing so he Masturbated into a plastic cup and said, i should drink it and it won't happen again, He Lied!
    The Last Two days Were the worst he started to beat me he broke my nose so he told me to say if my Auntie and Uncle see it say you fell down the stairs, i thought maybe he will stop if i do but it didn't he started to hit me with a curtain rod, and at night it got even worse he pinned me up against the wall and started kissing me then told me he was going to do what he likes, so he unpinned me and mounted me and Stuck nearly all of his penis into my Butt, this time he finished in my butt and I would end up in hospital, but the last day he kinda just stopped and acted kindly, me thinking oh he's stopped but nope, he done the same but this time he done it twice in the space of two hours, When i left i was free, but the guilt of 5 years is eating up at me, Is it my Fault? Could i of prevented it?


    I have never told anyone this because i know that my family will tell me that i caused it and that i should ran away.
     
  2. Peacemaker

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    No, it was not your fault i would never be your fault, and im sorry but you were just a little kid and couldnt have prevented it, im very sorry this has happened to you as i was sexually abused too are you sure your family would react that way if you told them?
     
  3. Unreadable

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    Thanks for the answer, I'm sure they take everything way to harshly, even when i told my Mum i got punched in the face at school she went, Toughen Up you weak prick.
    Could you answer this question as well, did this contribute to making be realise i was bisexual?
     
  4. Peacemaker

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    damn dude thats fucked up and NO it did not i thought that way about me being gay but no this did not make you bisexual
     
  5. Unreadable

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    Thank you for the Support! You are a very nice person, Probably nicer than anyone I know in my town. Also thanks for answering my question :slight_smile:
     
  6. Peacemaker

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    lol no problem dude and your town must suck if there are no nice people in it but do you have a school psychologist or something that could help you with talking this out?
     
  7. Unreadable

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    Yeah it sucks pretty much, but no my school has no psyhcologists most of the teachers are un supportive and if you go to the head teacher about it she goes oh you'll get over it.
     
  8. Peacemaker

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    ok im gonna talk to you through the wall message thingy it would be easier and is there an adult you can trust that can recommend a counselor or therapist to you?
     
  9. Unreadable

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    Okay, i'll talk to you through that too, no not many adults talk to me the only people I'm really close to are my Friends Elly and Katie and kinda my sister but she will blab her mouth
     
  10. RainbowMan

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    Would there be someone like a school counselor, teacher or another trusted adult that you would feel safe talking to about this? This is absolutely not your fault, and there's nothing that you really could have done to prevent it.

    In the US, there's a 24/7 hotline for survivors of rape, and even though you're not in the US, they have some pretty good stuff on their website. It's called RAINN (the rape, abuse, and incest national network). I'm not sure of similar local resources in the UK, sadly.
     
  11. Unreadable

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    No there is no teachers i or adults i could tell they would blab to my teachers, and we have something very similar to Rainn its called Base 58 and it deals with these but in this situation they would have to inform the authorities and family
     
  12. PatrickUK

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    Andrew, I would strongly recommend that you contact Childline. You can call them free of charge and it's totally confidential or you can talk to them online. Visit ChildLine for more info. Childline is for anyone in the UK of school age.

    This was not your fault. You are not to blame. Get some help and support.
     
  13. newfish

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    All of this.
    It's so awful that we live in a society with so much victim-blaming towards rape victims.
    You did not cause this, and don't believe anyone who says you are responsible for these awful acts.
     
  14. greatwhale

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    I can only reiterate the horror we all feel about what happened to you.

    Again, it was not your fault, it was never your fault. This needs to be reported and taken seriously, you received some good advice above, you deserve better than what you got so far.
     
  15. soulcatcher

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    Actually, young people are more likely to be sexually abused by someone they know. I hope this horrible thing does not happen to you in the future.

    I hope you take the advice above (by the people who answered this thread) into consideration and find a way to deal with your situation.
     
  16. Morse Code

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    It's possible. One way to find out is if you are genuinely attracted to people, or if you are interested in them to continue old and unhealthy patterns of some kind. This happens in a lot of relationships in many different ways, not just gay, bi or straight. Either way it'd be a good idea to get some help for this if you haven't already. Sometimes a professional can help you better than you can help yourself with these things.
     
  17. Unreadable

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    Thanks for all the support guys!
    I Will be Contacting Childlike soon! I Will take all the advice into consideration!
     
  18. FrenchKid98

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    I am so sorry this happened to you and this is definitely NOT your fault.

    I am not easily shocked (thank you internet...) but I can honestly say this was hard to read.
    I think you should follow PatrickUK's advice.

    I hope it'll make you feel better (*hug*)
     
  19. Unreadable

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    I Am taking PatrickUK's Advice!
    Thanks for the support swell!
     
  20. skittleALY

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    I second this! Andrew, I hope you know that this isn't your fault what-so-ever. I was sexually abused when I was your age as well, just know that it gets better. I hope you call childline and find the help that you deserve, just having someone to talk to can make it feel so much better.

    Lots of love! (*hug*)