Okay, so I think this goes here as it has to do with a certain phobia that is affecting my life tremendously. -TRIGGER WARNING FOR SEXUAL ABUSE- When I was younger I was sexually abused by a close family member (who at the time was my uncle) and it severely impacted my life as a child. I was not raped, but I don't feel completely comfortable going into the details in any case. After the fact I was told by my family that it was an 'accident' that he had gotten 'distracted' watching sports and wasn't aware of what he was doing. They warned me to not tell anyone what I thought had happened, because he might get in trouble. Thus, I told no one and received no help until after he and my aunt divorced, by which time my mother informed me that we should talk to my therapist about the incidents. Now, to give you slightly more insight, I refused to sit on anyone's lap after that. I was terrified of my uncle, and I was utterly alone. (They had made me accept his apology and hug afterward, literally the day after I told them, and I only told them because at the time I was scared that God would be mad at me if I didn't.) Anyway, years later we arrive at the present. I had refused to talk about it, and by myself I had mostly gotten over my fears of being alone with a man, of sitting on someone's lap, and of being touched. Then, when I was questioned about it again by my family, I told them exactly what I told them all those years ago, almost word for word. They don't remember it the same way. They tell me my mind is making things up, that I had never told them any of what I tell them now. But they also will not tell me exactly what I said on that day. I know what I said, and I know what happened. Long story short, I even allowed them to hypnotize me to find what I knew to be the truth, but I couldn't go deep enough under. I've never wanted sex, I've always felt sick at the thought of it, and it scares me. I've attempted a few sexual acts, but even that alone disgusts me and scares me. Now, this sounds awfully like Asexuality, as I adore relationships, but I hate the thought of anything sexual. I even find myself aroused, and I do like how people look, but not in a sexual way. But, because of the trauma in my past, I may just have Genophobia. This brings me to my question, is there any way for me to help distinguish between Asexuality and Genophobia? Also, does anyone know of anything I can start to do to help myself heal from such a thing? (This is to help me until I can speak to my therapist again, which is at least a month away.) Thank you all for your responses in advance, and any help is appreciated.
