Hi I am 21 never had sex or romantic relationship and not out. I will never come out as I know I will lose my family and they are all I have. So instead of having fake relationships I think I should go completely celibate, I kind of am already. Do think it's possible to keep it up for the rest of my life?
Why would these relationships, which you've not had, be fake? Also, celibacy is a terrible option if you have sexual feelings. Most people wind up frustrated and unhappy when they hide their sexuality and never have a relationship with someone whom they truly love. If your family are all you've got yet they wouldn't accept you, perhaps actually trying to build new networks and friendships would be a better option; if you've experienced only your family, your view of how you could take your choices from here is very likely clouded by them. You might want to devote time to exploring yourself with new people, if the other choice is one that would likely drive you mad and make you deeply unhappy.
By fake I meant I would not beard up by trying to have a relationship with a girl, that's really wrong. There must be a way to do this without any feelings of unhappiness, maybe concentrating on my career? And I don't believe romantic love exists so I am not worried about that. I have tried talking to people but my social anxiety is really bad so it never works out so there is no point trying to make friends. I just don't want to disappoint my family and need tips and advice that could help me.
I get what you are saying. You know that using a woman as a beard is wrong and I agree. However, I believe, choosing to be celibate just to please your family is equally as wrong. In much the same way you feel that getting into a relationship just to please your family is wrong because the woman deserves to have someone who can love her the way she deserves to be loved, you also deserve to have someone love you. I hid who I am from everyone until I was about 30 and just came out to my parents this year. The one thing I learned from the experience is that life is way too damn short to live for other people. Of I could go back to being your age I would jump on a car banging a pot yelling "I'm gay, I'm gay..." Not that that's my style, but it's better than having to deal with hiding me just because it's what I think others want all over again.
I don't believe in romantic love so I don't feel like I would be losing anything. It's not so wrong to try and make the only people I care about happy. I need advice and tips on how to make this work, I think it's possible to live a long happy live this way. I am not hurting anybody and my family would be happy that's all that matters.
It can be an option if you want it to be, but maybe you should actually focus on giving yourself what you deserve out of life.
You have the right to choose this if you want to, but i agree with the others, and i think you wouldn't be happy that way.
Thanks for the advice, I've decided that if something happens I will try not to fight it. But I won't actively seek out any relationships. I refuse to have any hook-ups or stuff like that, I will just have to see what life brings me.
We repress certain emotions all the time, I just choose to add sex to that list. I don't see the problem, I can always watch porn and there my problem is solved.
I tried doing the same thing you want to do, in my case is because due to my shyness and social awkardness i dont know how to date and find it difficult, so i have never had sex or a relationship, so i feel lonely and sexualy frustrated. So i tried not feeling arousal, lowering my libido, but it didnt work, and it hurt more than help. So by experience i dont think forcing yourself to celibacy is not the best option, and im not going to say is your case, but maybe because you have social anxiety you prefer to run from thr probelm, i know about that cause i have done that. Running from a problem doesnt solve it. But i will give you the following suggestion: dont force yourself to celibacy right now, neither force you to have sex or relationship. Instead focus on your social life, by taking baby steps, take little actions that improve your social skills and confidence and put effort in acheiving your social objectives. Gradually and slowly increase the size of your actions, take bigger actions little by little. Make this your objective for the next few years. you dont have to be the king of confidence and a social butterfly, the point is to get better to the point of being sure you can improve even further and become average, and even further and become good at it. When you have reached this level where you feel more comfortable, and when you have builded a better network with one or two close friends. The you can go to the next stage with is considering wether to be celibate or not. Give it a try, in the worst case your life quality will improve, in the best case you could find a strenght you yet dont know you can have. :goodluck:
My dad suggested that course of action when I came out to him yesterday. I told him flat out that no one has the right to ask that of me, especially a married man with children. We were created with the desire and ability to have enjoyable sex. That's your right - no one can tell you what's right or wrong to do with your own body.
