Well, as you may or may not know, last year I really struggled with depression and other related problems. I thought that accepting myself would help me get rid of this depression, but it only helped a little bit. Now there are a few less people for me to be worried about with not accepting me, but there are still many more. Has anyone else experienced recurring feelings of depression where you feel like you finally get rid of it and it comes back? Have any suggestions on what I could do to end this depression once and for all?
I also thought all my troubles would disappear when I finally came out. I assumed that I'd been depressed (and developed an addiction) because I had been denying my orientation. Once that was behind me, I figured I'd be fine. But that wasn't the case. The reality for me was that while my orientation was one source of stress in my life, there are always others. Everyone faces stress and difficult times. And I'd never really developed healthy coping techniques. So I've had to work on that. I've also been on antidepressants for 21 months. I'm not sure that I'll be on them forever, but they have certainly helped.
There's an internet CBT course. CBT is cognitive behavioral therapy. It's a proven method for changing your thinking. This Web site offers a 16 week course , guiding you through various meyhods of dealing with depression. It is free. http://www.depressioncenter.net/
I found that exercising helps a lot too. I tried anti-depressants, but those usually gave me panic attacks, but everyone reacts to medications differently. Whenever I felt angry or frustrated I went for a run or hit the punching bag. During my senior year in college I did a whole lot of that and I was a lot happier and less stressed out.
Thanks for the replies. I'm not going to try antidepressants again. I've been on them before along with anti-anxiety meds and sleeping pills and they only made me worse. Before I went on the meds I was depressed but not feeling suicidal; the meds changed that. Thankfully I never acted on my feelings, but it got very hard to resist the urge and I was always afraid of the day I would snap.
Here's a bit from the Harvard Medical School about exercise and depression. http://www.intelihealth.com/IH/ihtIH/EMIHC267/35320/35322/455071.html?d=dmtHMSContent
I also have recurring depression. My therapist helped me see that there is a huge history of depression on my dad's side of the family as evidenced by the alcoholism and gambling addiction. I think I would have fallen into that too but thanks to a very good friend I was directed to the above therapist who I easily connected with and she was able to help me out a lot. I do need to be on medication at times when life gets really overwhelming. But mostly I am able to control it by knowing my limits and knowing when to stop. I know I need to get a proper amount of sleep and I have to have regular contact with my very good friends. Without both of those my life seems to spiral out of control and it's hard to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Have you seen a counselor? Have you tried medication? Have you started working finding out what your triggers are?
Ok, I see you have tried medication and don't want to try it again. Please don't rule the possibility out 100%. It could be that you were not able to find the one that works best for you. Something else that has helped me out significantly is Reiki and accupuncture. They are both forms of energy work and help balance and restore your energy. I had tremendous breakthroughs when I tried them.
Unless I actually attempt suicide or start hallucinating then I’m not going back on drugs. I tried different antidepressants, anti-anxiety medications, and sleep aids, and different combinations of them and all they did was make it harder to resist the urge to hurt myself. I didn’t want to be put on them in the first place because I knew what the problem was. I knew that I was disregarding nearly my entire personality and I knew that it was only hurting me, but I tried futilely day after day to change myself. All the therapists that I have had have pushed me to where I was too uncomfortable so I just shut down. The best out of the 5 therapists that I had once told me nobody can make me talk, only I could decide to talk and I would do that when I’m ready. I wasn’t ready to even consider the possibility that I’m gay and even though the thoughts that were consuming me day and night were about repressed homosexual feelings, I didn’t want to talk about it. I thought that maybe if I didn’t talk about it then I would realize my mind was playing tricks on me, but if I told someone there was no going back because someone would know. I’ve always known that I’m different, not just from everyone, but especially other guys. Ever since I understood that gay isn’t an insult and I heard the common gay story of always knowing you were different, I knew I’m gay. I didn’t want to accept it because I felt that it wouldn’t make me ‘normal’ and I was already so different than everyone else that I just wanted to fit in. I knew then that this mindset is wrong and now I know that you can end up hurting yourself by ignoring who you are. I’ve been talking to my school guidance counselors a lot lately and one of them knows that I’m gay and we’ve talked about it. The other is new and I felt I had to explain my situation to him before I could tell him that I’m gay. Basically, I chickened out and decided that I’m not ready to tell him. The one who knows has already offered to help me come out to my mom, but I already have a plan. I know that I need to be able to talk about my deepest emotions because I know what happens when I don’t. Tomorrow I hope to talk to and come out to my older sister. I feel comfortable talking to her and I’m pretty sure she’ll have insight to share with me, insight I need desperately. I am willing to try methods that don't involve medication. What is Reiki, and is accupuncture painful at all?
