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What exactly am I suppose to be feeling?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Kaiken, Jan 18, 2015.

  1. Kaiken

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    Ok, so it's been a while since I've engaged in sexual activities. I'm a bottom and I've been seeing my boyfriend, Spencer, for some time now. Recently we've decided to become intimate. He's a total top and I've only ever bottomed.

    I've done this before so it's not like I'm completely new to it, but what exactly am I suppose to be feeling when I'm being penetrated? He's very understanding and not at all rough until I've loosened up, but it's never been as compelling for me as it has been for other bottoms I've talked to.

    He's quite large and it has a lot of girth to it (wide), so it takes some time for me to get 'ust to it. We use lube, but I'm still not getting it.

    It's always been that I enjoy sex because of the closeness and the intimacy. I'm aroused before the act and not usually during. I know that he's enjoying himself and I try to enjoy it as well; but it's not like I've ever climaxed while being penetrated. He has said that I am very tight but that he likes that. Is this normal? Do other bottoms go through this? We haven't done it a ton and again it's been a while since the last time, does it just take time to get broken back into it? It usually hurts for the first minute or two then I'm ok. Please let me know because I want to try to enjoy it.

    Thanks
     
  2. iBlaze

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    Is this only with him that you feel this way? Have you ever truly enjoyed being a bottom?
     
  3. Kaiken

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    Well it's not that he's doing a bad job, he can be a little rough but I like it a little rough. Really the best I can say is that at its best for me it won't hurt. But I honestly have no interest in penetration.
     
  4. iBlaze

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    So you tolerate being a bottom, but don't really enjoy it is what I gather, correct? Are you more interested in being the one doing the penetrating?
     
  5. Rawrzilla

    Rawrzilla Guest

    Has he ever hit your prostate?
     
  6. Kaiken

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    I don't know. I'm guessing not if I don't know if he has. Is that what a top is suppose to be trying to do? stimulate the prostate?

    And honestly, I have zero interest in penetration, the idea of it does nothing for me.
     
  7. Rawrzilla

    Rawrzilla Guest

    I know from second hand experience that, yes, your prostate should be your main source of pleasure while being penetrated. The closer he thrusts to it, the more chances to stimulate it and the more pleasure you get out of it in return...

    Agh, I feel so unqualified to advise you on this. The thing is, I'm not a bottom myself. I'm just relying to you what... Other people have told me, but I have never experienced any of this firsthand so I can't tell you how it's gonna feel to stimulate your prostate or if that's the thing missing for you to really get off on bottoming. I guess what I'm trying to say is, take all I'm going to say this with a grain of salt.

    Ok with out of the way, I would suggest you experiment a bit yourself with anal penetration. And I mean by yourself. If you can figure out how to anally please yourself it will be easier for you to understand what's missing in the sex you have with Spencer. For this purpose you could use dildos, butt plugs, fingering, I dunno, whichever method you feel more comfortable with and works best for you. Try to find and stimulate your prostate, I can't tell you how you will know if you've hit it but I've heard you are supposed to feel something akin to a jolt of pleasure when you do it right. The position in which you are seems to also influence your access to it (there was a thread recently on that subject I suggest you check out) so do try different positions and do pay attention to how that affects your enjoyment of the situation.

    I can only guess that once you figure out how to pleasure yourself with anal masturbation you will be more capable of guiding Spencer so that you can both enjoy yourselves during sex.

    *Sigh* sorry, I wish I could be of more help, but alas, this is as far as my second hand knowledge on the subject can take me. Hopefully someone with some first-hand experience will chime in and be of more assistance.
     
  8. AKTodd

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    Various things here:

    First, if by 'aroused before the act and not during' you mean you lose your erection while bottoming, that's not uncommon (even in porn). It's also not uncommon to either need to masturbate in order to climax during penetration or to simply not be able to. In which case, the expectation would be that your BF should either penetrate you for a while and then you guys switch to something else that you will both enjoy and that gets you off or that he climaxes and then does something to/for you that you enjoy that will get you off.

    Second, you might consider the positions you are doing anal in. You might try changing it up a bit and see if some positions feel better for you than others, either in terms of the sensations associated with sex itself or just because some are less awkward, or easier to relax into, or otherwise just feel better in some way.

    Second, not all gay guys like being penetrated or find bottoming all that pleasurable. It's a common thing in porn, and in gay culture in general, to treat anal sex as the be all and end all with the feeling of being penetrated and having your prostrate stimulated being the most intense pleasure a guy can experience. In reality, while some (or even most) guys may find it to be that way, there is a significant minority of us for whom anal is anything from 'it's Ok' to 'no way in hell do I want to do that'. For my part, while I don't find anal painful or unpleasant, the level of sensation (up to and including orgasm) is usually significantly less intense than other activities that I prefer and generally it just seems to be a lot more work than the payoff is worth.

    If you are one of this group, then you may need to decide if you want to continue doing anal, whether as just one activity among many that are available, or because your BF enjoys it and is willing to reciprocate with some other activity that you find really pleasurable, or something else. Or if you would rather not do it and instead spend the time with your BF doing other activities that you may enjoy more.

    Hope this helps,

    Todd
     
  9. Kaiken

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    You know, I've always found cuddling to be far more sexually exciting than being penetrated. I've had some intense cuddling sessions that have been far more compelling than any sex I've ever had.

    Spencer and I make sure to cuddle, before, during, and after sex because he knows how much I enjoy that. I guess 'm one of those bottoms that says, "Meh, its ok." and I more or less tolerate it.

    Maybe I'll talk to him about trying different positions or a little bit of experimenting to see if this truly is the case. If it is I'm still ok with being penetrated and not enjoying it too much. As long has he's enjoying it, it doesn't hurt me, and we get to cuddle afterwards then I'm ok with it.