I have posted about this quite a few times before, but mainly in the anonymous category. So here's the deal. I will try to be as blunt as possible. I mentally feel very gay, but I still get erections when I look at pictures of women or watch straight porn. I don't think I want to have sex with women, but somehow this persists. I get the urge to masturbate as I'm sure most people do, but somehow I always end up jerking off to women. I WANT to be sexually attracted to men, and I am to a degree, but it's only in my mind. I can't stand lusting over women because it makes me doubt that I can be gay. I know that porn doesn't indicate your sexuality, but I just can't help feeling like something is not right. Porn is one thing, but masturbating to a picture of a woman? That can't be gay. I have the urge to masturbate to men sometimes, but I lose interest in looking at men once I realize I don't get aroused by seeing them naked so I give up and go back to women. Does this mean I'm bisexual? Or hell, even straight? I would love to be romantic with a man, and men are all I fantasize about sexually. I don't find very many men attractive, however I could jerk off to many of the women I see online. I don't have any interest in women as far as actual sex, but how can that be true if I do this? Am I just confused? Am I repressing my feelings for women? I have had a theory that I am confused mentally because I have been masturbating to women for quite a few years, and that I somehow assossciate the female form with pleasure. It's killing me... I do find women extremely beautiful in an aesthetic way, and to be totally frank I'm jealous of how they can incite such insane lust in men. Is there a possibility that I could be "getting off" to thinking about their beauty and how I in a way, wish I was like them? (Does that even make sense??) I feel like I have to chose which gender I like the most if I do have feelings for both after all. I am not interested in having non-commital sex, I'm only interested in a serious monogamous relationship, so I don't feel like bisexuality is an option to me if I do turn out to be bisexual if that makes any sense. This is so confusing... I don't want to feel anything for women, but still it persists. I can't understand why I so strongly want to be gay, but honestly I do. I don't even know what I am any more...
You sound a lot like me. I am a Kinsey 4 too but identify as bi. There is nothing wrong with that. You can also be monogamous and be bisexual. I plan to stay committed to whomever I date, but it doesn't mean I am bound to one gender I can get off watching "traditional" porn too. The type of porn you like does not dictate or pigeon hole you into that orientation. I identify as bi despite being a Kinsey 4 because I can never completely rule out the right relationship with the right understanding woman. However, it is unlikely for me being I am submissive.
Well it's nice to know I'm not alone. I also find it highly unlikely that I would enjoy a relationship with a woman because of the same reason. I feel like I have certain... needs that could not be met by a woman as I'm sure you understand. Maybe I just need to get over obsessing about the SEXUAL aspect of it and just go with what I feel is "right", which is being with men. It's probably better for me to avoid porn at this point because it's obviously having a very negative effect on me and causing me a lot of problems, and that's something I don't need to deal with right now. Thanks for the advice Biguy8 I really appreciate it I would love to hear other people's thoughts and opinions on this issue still
