Can Bigger Guys find love?

I know I'm not a gay man, which I think is your target demographic for the question. Although I just wanted to let you know that I'm in a relationship with someone on the larger side. We've been seeing each other now for almost 6 months. I don't know if that helps any, hopefully it does. There are lots of people out there who don't care as much about looks as others, not to say being big makes you unnatractive. I think my partner is attractive and he's big.

 

Well ultimately I'd recommend working out for your health rather than your appearance alone. But yeah, there are people out there who like all body types.

 

you shouldnt excercise to be skinny because thats all youll ever focus on and get so bogged down. as above said, excercise for your health. youll feel a lot better for it, have more energy and things. even if its joining 1 class a week like kettlebells or something so youre not wokring out alone and it might be more fun, or even body combat if youre into like martial arts/karate type thing but its non contact so you dont kick/hit anyone

anyone of any body shape can fiund love. its different things that people prefer. if everyone prefered people of x size then tons of people who werent x size would be single, which they arent so of course you can find love.

my 2c prob isnt valid cuz im not a gay man tho.

 

Your picture looks good. Idk why you would have trouble finding a guy. My boyfriend is on the bigger side... My girlfriend is even bigger.... Yet I think people can be sexy regardless of size. One of the sexiest girlfriends I had was plus sized.... But damn did she carry it well. I don't know much about the gay community: if there is this mentality that you have to be thin and in shape that is bs.... there probabably is that mentality because that is the mentality of socitety in general. Thankfully the media is working on getting young girls away from this image and this idea that you have to be anorexic thin to be attractive. All body types can be sexy. And there is someone out there who will like you just the way you are. Not everyone is attracted to the same thing. I am sorry you feel as if you have had to work out to make yourself into someone you are not. But I am sure things will work out for you! Just be healthy and happy!

 

First, I would say that it is good to develop healthy eating habits and include some regular exercise in your daily routine just for your own health. It's easier to start these habits when young, and then maintain them. That doesn't mean being skinny, nor does it mean becoming a gym rat. As far as being large, yes, you can find men who will want you and who will love you. Certainly, everyone who has a "type" that they prefer. But often we fall in love with someone who doesn't fit into our "type" at all. It's impossible to make yourself something your not, and maintain that all your life just to make some guy happy. We're programmed by our DNA, and we have to live with the cards that our DNA dealt us. But you can be assured that there are plenty of guys who will find you attractive.

 

Hi Serph990,

I have been through the same situation, more or less. From your pics, you don't like that big. I was once 20 stone (280 lbs) at one point, going down to 11 stone 10 lbs (164 lbs) and then going back up to a healthy weight, where my body seems to like being at. I'm not overweight at all. Now I'm 12 stone 8 lbs (169 lbs) I think thats about right, I am naturally a big framed guy. Even when I was at my 'skinny' stage' I looked like a muscular framed hat stand, I didn't have an eating disorder but I just got into a pattern of wanting to loose weight. But after understanding what I was doing to my body and what I needed to do, I started to feel better and my body seemed to gravitate or hover around 12 stone 5 lbs to about 12 stone 10 lbs I give myself alittle area to have so I don't get to hung up about my weight and give myself permission to have what I want in moderation.

After going through that whole period, i had people asking me if I was anorexic, bullemic or even worse, which I won't divuldge into. I completely understand what you are going through, I have had people treating me differently. In some cases, some people do have a different view if someone looses weight, either in a good or bad way. I have had people who wouldnt give me the time of day, all of a sudden started talking to me. But, then those are the people that I call that have 'ugly' personalities, yes they look good on the outside, but trust me, you wouldn't want to be around them for long, they start judging, gossiping, even bitching and need constant validation from others in order to make them feel good. I am not saying all good looking people are like that, because you can get the a certain amount of people who do have good personality and let's just say, look after themselves in a healthy aspect way. I even had other friends who I came across in life, all of a sudden not speaking to me as much, which is quite surprising and it does happen, it's probably not intentional, when people change either mentally or physically some people just get turned off, if that happens they are just missing out.

After going through that experience of loosing weight, getting to a healthy weight, then accepting my weight and physical build. I didn't care what people thought of me physically and when it comes to someone loving me for me. The physical part is only a very small percentage, it's a help, but it's not the be all and end all. To put it in another way, some people may have good decoration, but that's all they are....just good decoration. If someone loves you, they will love you for who you are and what you bring to the table as a person. I know this sounds like an after school special. But, people will respect you if you looking after yourself physically, but having someone in a relationship who is into going to the 7 days a week, and is into the mirror then he is to you, can be a turn off. So, the best part to any relationship, if you like someone who was a friend first and it develops into something more than that, they will certainly respect you, rather then the bells and whistles and the lights.

If you want to look after yourself physically and go to the gym, then great. As long as you do it for yourself, so you are healthy. Rather then going to the gym, because you want to impress a guy. The old saying goes it doesn't matter what size you are, all that matters is how you wear confidence and if you wear it in a respective way. Then everything will soon follow, I hope this helps?

 

Gay culture is SO screwed up mentally.

All the head games, all the lies, all the "looking for Mr. Right" (which is always some buff GQ hunk type).

They are all looking for fantasy, not reality.

I too was skinny my whole life, and had gotten a belly on me for some years after my 20's.

6 years ago I was diagnosed with diabetes, and now I've gained so much weight, because I can't lose it.

The thing is, I am not attracted to guys fatter than me. They can have a gut on them, but I just have no physical attraction to anyone my size or bigger. And there lies the problem.

In gay culture it is going to be EXTREMELY rare (from what I have seen so far in my life) that you find a skinny guy coupled with a fat guy. Unless he is hairy and a hunky "daddy" type (and Im not), it is unlikely a skinny guy would ever be interested in a regular fat guy like me.

I see fat guys coupled with other fat guys. I see skinny guys coupled with other skinny guys. Except for the hairy daddy types, I have never seen a skinny guy coupled with a regular type fat guy.

One of the weirdest things I have noticed about gay male culture, is that all these guys looking for "the perfect man", are actually looking for a mirror image of themselves, or looking for some guy who just does not exist. They shun anybody who doesn't physically match up to their fantasy specs of this guy they are looking for and will never find. The actual perfect, real guy could be standing 3 feet from them, and they would be all like "oh NO....he's not ANYTHING like what I want".

And thats the other problem. It is all WANT, not NEED. They WANT a fantasy guy to make themselves feel better about themselves, because they have such low opinions of themselves, or they have over exaggerated opinions of themselves.

It's one of those "vicious circle" things.

I'm not saying there aren't those guys out there who are skinny and like the average fat guy, I'm just saying I have never seen it.

I'm not saying it will never happen, it could....you never know who you will meet tomorrow.
You just have to keep an open mind and take each person on their own merit, and not lump them all together and measure them up against some fantasy vision of some super perfect man that has never existed and will never exist.

I like to look at good looking guys. But I much prefer brains over brawn. Real, true intelligence turns me on. Most guys out there are looking at all the jocks.........I'm looking at all the nerds.

But for me, I am apparently no ones type. If that's what I have to live with in order to stay away from all the liars, cheats, frauds, and players.........then so be it.

Hope you have much better luck than me!!

 

I know it sounds trite but it's what's inside that counts.

A person's heart is so much sexier than their superficial exterior.

I think regular, down to earth guys are the most attractive of all because they are completely authentic.

 

Hey Serph990,

Thank you for your reply and your story as well, I appreciate it very much. I ironically overcame anxiety alittle bit ago, it wasn't due to dealing with my sexual preference or any of the things that could come along with that. I can completely understand and sympathise how anxiety can work like that. Anxiety is a bummer isn't it and it's like something from frankenstein, because you feel like one person and then another.

My anxiety started about July of last year, it was the hottest day of the year. Ironically, I was travelling to the gym. I didn't drink much water (which was a big no-no), when I got closer to the station, I saw the train go, I ran for it, I made it through my speedy running. Then I felt really breathy, I was profusely sweating more so than usual or for anyone, I started to feel what felt like an asthma attack, because years ago when I was overweight I did have minor asthma, which I am now fully cured and I don't get much of an issue now. So I was trying to breathe and relax, but it got worse. The next thing I knew, I saw flashing lights and the next thing I knew, I saw flashing lights and I blacked out, I did feel someone grabbing my wrist, all I remember was going from standing to crouching, it was only for a few seconds because I didn't miss my station. This guy didn't leave me till I was okay and I genuinely thought, that I was fine and that it was nothing, Oh how wrong was I.

I went to the gym, I started to feel not right as soon as I walked in, but I blew it off as nothing. As I went to go and lift weights, I started to feel really exhausted straight away and I felt my body was saying "You're going home NOW!" So I did. To cut a very long story short, I went to see a doctor, she didn't know what to say or do with me. So I left there feeling fine, but I was called that evening to be told that I needed tests on my heart and to have another appointment with her, so when she saw me again, I was diagnosed with positional vertigo, this can be coupled with anxiety. Greatly I don't get it now WOOHOO IN YA FACE DIZZINESS!! So I had every heart test known to man, a couple of tests where I had to wear something for 24 hours, it was a heart and blood monitor test, they came back fine. When I had an echocardiogram, the engineer said "From the looks of it, your heart is stronger then mine." So I was fine from that. After all of that, the heart doctor I was seeing said it was physical dehydration...bummer.

So what was weird, I developed anxiety over foods I liked...weird right? But what really killed the anxiety was thinking logically and taking time over things, which I never used to do. I saw an exercise an youtube, I can't post it on here. It was basically to put my thumbs on my chin and my index and second finger where jaw bone goes up and hum, after doing that a few times and looking like an idiot, it went away. It felt sellotape or some kind of tape was used all of my jawline and all of a sudden it was cut away.

So, what I am trying to get at. Anxiety can be an evil monster, because you know what you feel is there, but nothing much can be done physically about it. I have been unfortunate enough to see a family member taking medicene for anxiety at the moment, in all honesty, I have gotten to see a person when medicene doesn't work and its horrible to see, that's all I will say. It's nothing dangerous, it's just difficult. But, anyway. If you want to loose weight for you, just remember that you are doing it for your health to feel better. From the sounds of it you were going through alot, but now you gon' WERK! lol

 

I'd rather date someone who made me happy than someone who was not overweight.

Nevertheless in all honesty, first impression-wise if you're overweight it tells me you may have either low-self control, low-discipline or are generally unmotivated. I find it much more difficult to be attracted to someone overweight, at least initially.

 

I am a bigger guy, and I've been lucky enough to find that there are definitely some guys out there who find me attractive. Of course, for me I can definitely find bigger guys attractive too, not that it's a necessity but let's just say it's not necessarily a detriment.

I feel like the bigger issue that you've touched on is your own feelings about your own body. I'm no psychologist and I don't really know how to help you there, but I do feel like it can become a self-fulfilling prophesy. If a guy is uncomfortable in his own skin, that is going to come across to others and that in itself can be a turn off.

 

your in a relationship? how cool is that.(*hug*)

to the OP, i don't mind a bigger guy. and im a bit of a bigger person myself.:icon_bigg

---------- Post added 11th Feb 2015 at 02:37 PM ----------

Im never going to be "skinny" i was almost 10 pounds when i was born and the one time i got down to my "perfect BMI" i looked like i had just barely survived a famine. if someone were to "disregard" me based just on my preceived size, their loss i am one hell of a person.

 

Definitely. But let me share a story with you.

Several years back, I was working with a larger guy who was having some self-esteem issues. He was sure that no guy would be interested in somebody because he was somewhat overweight. He was worried that nobody would see past that part of him, and see the nice guy he really was. I told him to try to adopt a more positive attitude, and put himself out there - I was sure he'd meet some guys. He agreed to give it a try.

After about a month or two, I checked in with him to see how it was going. "Not very well," he said. I said "Really? Nobody's expressed any interest?" He said "Well, some guys have, but they've all been kinda average like me - I want somebody really hot."

Mind you, that was totally his call. You can put whatever limits on the guys you date/hook-up with that you want. If you want to only date guys who are supermodel-hot, with seven-figure incomes and Mensa memberships, that's up to you. (Get used to being on your own a lot, though.) But I did think it was rather silly of him to exhibit the same behavior that he was critiquing these would-be suitors for having - for not looking beyond the exterior, and not giving guys a shot.

So that'd be my only suggestion to you. If you want guys to look beyond anything superficial, be prepared to do the same for them.

Lex