I recently had an unexpected “encounter” at the gym showers with another guy who ended up jerking me off. We didn’t do anything more than that but for some reason I have a dilemma if what I did was or wasn’t right. It felt good at the time but does this make me one of those promiscuous gay guys? I don’t wanna torture myself about this so would like to see the perspective that others have on this.
Aaah, so you liked it lol. My stance on this which is a very personal view, I don't do stuff like that simply because I don't like being sexual with people I do not know..and I don't trust random people with my body and my sexuality. The idea plain out turns me off. Now a lot of people do it and are relaxed about it and I would even say enjoy it more if it is 'anonymous', what I urge you not to do, is not to start this cycle I see a lot of gay guys do (they rarely call themselves gay), which is accuse gay guys of being promiscuous and gross and nasty and dissociate themselves from them, but they know exactly why they enjoy being that way, and would do it if they didn't have social pressure not to. All I can think is, if there wasn't STDs involved and the fact that you are quiet vulnerable when you are sexual with someone, having sex with whatever number in whatever form would not be a problem worth concern in my opinion. But that is far from the reality. So take care not for ambiguous moral purposes but for your own health and safety. Again this is just my personal view.
Once certainly does not make you promiscous. I also think people having an unexpected sexual encounter with a stranger or someone they barely know is more common than people admit to. Of course not everybody has done it. But all I would say is be careful. If you don't know the person, you don't know if they have any STDs, or whether they will get violent or nasty. I wouldn't torture yourself over it though.
There are a lot of dependencies here so there's no one answer. There are lots of people who have hookups, sometimes once a week, sometimes once a month or less, sometimes daily. What it really boils down to is your values. What's important to you? Do you value connection and emotional intimacy? Or are you comfortable just experiencing the physical satisfaction of hooking up? There's no right or wrong answer. I will say that a lot of people find that hookups, after a while, are pretty empty because there's no real sense of emotional connection or "love" happening, and so they ultimately decide that seeking out a healthy relationship, with all that it entails, is more worthwhile. But others remain content "playing the field." Part of the answer may lie in your age, and part of it in what you value. I don't think anyone can give you a definitive answer, but perhaps thinking about what sorts of things are important to you can help.
Depends on what you mean by 'doing it every week'. If you mean hooking up with this guy, or otherwise engaging in weekly hookups in a place, time, and manner that is safe (safe sex, not going to get you arrested, or beat up, and doesn't leave you feeling emotionally unfulfilled or not liking yourself), then there's no problem. If you mean trying to pick up random guys for sex in the showers at your gym on a regular basis, then I'd say that is much more problematic from the perspective of issues of safety and potential run ins with the police (or at least the management of your gym). Of course if you go to a gym where that kind of thing is considered the norm and perfectly acceptable (including by management), then have fun. Todd
Why should someone be judged for how much sex they do or don't have? Women are called sluts, gay guys promiscuous, people who don't have sex are prudes and frigid bitches. And yet straight men parade around like a conquesting hero. This was once. And even if you did it more often, oh well. As long as you're safe and enjoying yourself.
Why do people on this site always find a way to compare things to heterosexual people? There seems to be an undercurrent of disdain towards heterosexuals on here, it's sad to see really.
And why do you deny the existence of straight male privilege and double standards? It's nothing to do with disdain. It's to do with cultural fact. So the judgement that it's disdain is on you when there's social proof behind what I have to say, and the denial of fact is even sadder to see. Absolutely do not even try to pull guilt bullshit on me over a social and cultural statement.
Who is denying that? Your response was just loaded with Bigotry. The equivalent would be a black person saying I feel guilty about stealing, and rebutting that white-collar caucasians rape and pillage the entire world, so don't feel bad, because it's double standard. Now I concede that stealing and having sex are not comparable in their "wrongness," but I'm trying to get at an intrinsic logical fallacy in all bigots. A =/= B; A is wrong, therefore B is right. You're inferring the correctness of sexual freedom from the wrongness of heterosexual priviledge, which is a logical fallacy. It doesn't address the issue at hand (which is should ANYONE feel guilty about sexual pursuits) and is therefore just an inflammatory statement. Tl; dr: stop being a bigoted, annoying, play-up-my-victimhood douche canoe. Everybody should be proud/happy if they banged someone hot, were safe and had a good time.
Thank you for all of your replies. They’ve helped me and made me realize that the problem is not the hookup itself - but the way that I can feel about it if I were to mention it to others. Theron, your post opened my eyes to the truth about the ugly society we live in and how if I was straight I probably wouldn’t have given this a second thought at all. Being gay comes with many stigmas but I think the most obvious one out of them all is the label of gays being “promiscuous” which is just unfair. Life is already difficult and being gay can surely make it even harder at times. I don’t wanna torture myself over this and if a similar situation presents itself in the future and I am in the mood then I don’t see anything wrong with it. I’m a young gay guy and if I just wanna have some safe and harmless fun then so be it.
Yeah once and only jerking definitely doesn't make you promiscuous. If you did it once a week it might get a little bit but if it's still only jerking, it's barely promiscuity. Now if you're doing anal or oral every week, sure, but even then people need to stop putting the word promiscuity. If you're safe, and not like sleeping with hundreds of men a month, sex is freedom. Don't be stingy about it.
I don't see where Section18 was denying the existence of straight male privilege and double standards? (Whether he (or I) agree about whether or not they exist is an entirely different discussion). He was merely pointing out there is no need to keep bringing it up all the time, and I agree. This thread had absolutely nothing to do with heterosexual people, yet somehow their privilege was brought up yet again. There really was no reason to at all. I think that's what he was trying to say. As for the OP, there is absolutely nothing wrong with hooking up, no matter with whom, where, when, or why. As long as you're not putting yourself in danger and you feel comfortable with what you're doing, then you have nothing to feel guilty about.
definitely not promiscuous. from a moral perspective, it was just something pleasurable and I don't see any problem with it. but there are other factors. it was really enjoyable, and can get addictive. and it's easy to move from mutual jo to more. so then you have to consider the disease risks, as mentioned (not from jo, but from "more") and the ever present risks of arrest, or being kicked out of the club. and then there is just being considerate of the other patrons. unless this is specifically a gay club, they may not appreciate that a couple of guys are having sex of any sort in the shower. I have read blogs where some guys get pretty worked up even about guys just wacking it in the shower alone, because they think that it is gross and unsanitary. I guess if I got in the shower and there was some big goob of cum running down the wall, I would find it pretty gross too, and I'm pretty blase about that sort of stuff.
