When I was working on memorizing my pieces for piano (I need to perform in front of a judge tomorrow), I messed up a LOT. I was practicing for a bit less than 2 hours, and I got really emotional and whenever I messed up I would scrape my arms really hard with my fingernails. Now I have skin peeling off my arms and it's bleeding a bit and stings a lot. I never really hurt myself before, except if I was angry with myself in the past, and I would clench my fists really hard and dig my fingernails in my palm, but that didn't really hurt. Is this normal? What should I do? I don't want to keep hurting myself, but it's hard to help it, and I don't have a past of self harm, why am I doing this now?
Okay, simple answer is this, stop scraping your arms. If you cannot stop, then see a therapist. If you cannot stop scraping your arms and if you cannot see a therapist, then stop playing the piano.
It sounds like Scraping your arm is a way for you to deal with the stress that comes with performing, or being judged. When I'm nervous I start to sweat a lot and get kind of shaky. And on top of that I start scratching my hair... Since it's getting to the point where you are hurting yourself, I'd suggest seeing a doctor to first of all, heal the wounds, and second of all find ways to calm yourself down before performing.
definitely get help. it's addictive, and as you can see it only escalates. get help to stop it now before it gets worse.
It is addictive. I cut myself tonight. It's not deep, but enough to bleed. I'm going to talk to my sister when I can, but I feel like a failure. I don't know how to deal with myself? What do I do instead? How can I deal with dysphoria? I can't even fathom mentioning this to my parents. My classmate asked me what happened to my arm a few days ago, how could I tell him the truth? I lied. Thank you guys for the advice, I need to stop immediately.
I think you need to calm down a little bit. You probably put a lot of pressure on yourself. I play piano too, I'm not so good but I learn by myself. I'm proud of myself when I learn a new song, after a couple weeks of practice. Two months ago, I was so proud that I try to record myself on video while playing a new song, because I wanted to show it to my mom. I don't know why, but when I played in front of the camera, I've totally messed up the song several time and I get angry toward myself, so angry that I slapped myself very hard in the face three times... I'm a little embarassed by that, but I think you hurt yourself for the same reason; you put too much pressure on yourself. I think it's ''normal'' in some way, but it's not healthy to hurt yourself when you're under pressure. I don't know how to help you, but you're not alone! And please, take care of yourself! I'm sure you're really good at piano! Don't give up! P.S. I used to self-harm a lot in my teenage years... Now, in my adulthood, I have to live and accept the fact that my body is 20% covered in scars.. Don't be scared to talk to someone in who you trust, support and love is very good to heal the physical and emotional injuries! Good luck!
I'd go to a therapist about it.wearing gloves or cutting your nails really short can help (well gloves are kinda useless while playing piano).you should try to stop before it becomes a habit because then it becomes a lot harder to get rid of it. I'm still dealing with skin picking myself so i can only repeat and agree to what automne said it's really good advice.