I guess mental health belongs under health - physical, sexual, or otherwise. I had a session with my therapist today. Last week, he did a lot of talking. This week, I did a lot of talking. Some days, I feel good when I leave the therapist's office. Some days, both he and I laugh. Today was rather glum. I didn't feel good when I left. He looked a little tired. I think it was a rough(er) therapy session. We all have ugly sides to our personae. I talked about an ugly side I have. I felt kind of crappy for a while. Tonight, I got myself a nice sandwich to eat as well as a slice of cake from a deli. I feel a "little" better. I sometimes feel like an unempathetic bastard. But I know that's not completely true. Today, I felt bad for myself and I also felt bad for the therapist that he had to listen to all of today's crap. Is it normal to feel awful after talking about difficult things and how long should it take for that feeling to go away? How do therapists shield themselves from the cumulative negativity of seeing their various clients? I'd appreciate some input.
It sounds to me like you have a good therapist, Tightrope. There is a lot of variety to your sessions, which says your not in a rut. Sometimes it feels good, which is great. But then there those really intense times, and I think that can be where some real progress can be made, some real honesty, facing the truth about ourselves. Some truths make us feel good, but the whole truth has many faces, some of them a bit ugly. It seems like you had one of those sessions, and it was a bit draining. I congratulate you for being able to take it that far. Your lucky to have a therapist who listens, and who talks. I had one of each, and neither worked very well. When they just listen all the time, I eventually feel like I'm just talking to a wall. Maybe he was working on his investments, who knows. And the one who just talks, when I was ready to make a breakthrough and say what was important, he just giggled and went on talking about whatever. So I hear what your saying, and it sounds like the right balance is there. Keep at it.
Good therapy is exactly that: periods of insight, periods of real difficulty, where you leave feeling shitty, and periods where you grow tremendously. Brené describes the after-effects of sharing difficult experiences as the "vulnerability hangover" and I feel like that's a really great description of it. The 'hangover' can last a few hours or, in some cases, a few days. It's a normal and healthy part of opening up the vulnerable part of yourself which... for many gay people... is a huge and difficult battle.
Yes, because you are not behaving selflessly. Arthur Radcliffe Brown theory of Structural Functionalism explains this a bit more. He states that all aspects of human behavior work to maintain a society’s social structure rather serving individual needs. By talking to others about difficult things, you made yourself feel bad but also the therapist who had to hear it had his day ruined. That last part was a joke, you projecting that he looked kinda tired fits nicely. It cements that you acted selfish and should feel bad for going against society. So yes, it's normal to feel awful about it even though logically you should not.
Yes, a rough session of therapy will leave you drained emotionally and physically. I've never shied away from unloading my burden on a therapist though. It's their job to listen, and offer advice on how to deal with the thinking/emotions of a situation. I doubt you ruined your therapists day. My angst over expressing feelings/thoughts, blocked me for several years before starting to deal with the real deep down issues. We always brushed over them lightly before the middle of last year. I still zone out though if I'm encountered with something I don't want to talk about. I will shut down completely if I don't know the answer, or feel it might hurt my wife (in joint therapy.) I don't think anyone can truly answer your question of how long it should take. I would probably talk to your therapist about it, he'd probably have some insight into your questions.
Therapy can be really rough. Roller coaster is a good way to describe it. At some point, though, you've won. I remember my last session with my PTSD therapist - we chatted for a bit, realized that we had nothing to talk about, then realized I was healed and didn't need to see her anymore. You'll know when this day comes, and the rocky road is so, so worth it. (*hug*)
I have had therapy in the past and it left me drained, mentally, physically, and financially. I always find it hard to talk, and when I do I feel bad that the therapist has to listen to my problems, even though I am basically paying them to listen to my problems. I also have to keep a filter on because you are not allowed to talk about some things (such as feeling suicidal), because they are obligated to call the police.
You are allowed to talk about suicide and stuff. The therapist is supposed to determine if you are currently a danger to yourself or others. After my last suicide "attempt" I discussed it with my therapist, as it was the lowest I've ever felt in my life. She merely asked how I was feeling now, and if I felt the same. We talked about suicidal ideation, she really skipped past the attempt, and dove into the what I was feeling at the time.
This is good to know. ---------- Post added 11th Mar 2015 at 09:12 PM ---------- Yes, I believe that is the protocol as it relates to that issue, with the key word being "currently." The session that was tough wasn't about sexuality and it wasn't about self harm or health related, but about other extended family dynamics that have been very destructive. In some ways, I feel those have sort of worked their "magic" on so many areas in my life.
Oh, you mean like how I was effected by something in my early development period to make me into a quiet little people pleaser. Could have been my mom throwing the cast iron frying pan past my head at my dad that one argument. Or the constant bickering between my mom and sister... Things got easier with my therapist and more productive once I totally opened up myself. Of course, part of opening up for me, was accepting my clinical depression as a part of myself. There's nothing I hide from her now, and while I sometimes shock her with what I say, she's totally accepting. I'm actually helping her understand some of her divorce and how her husband acted during that time. Getting over the discomfort of telling anyone anything real about myself was probably the hardest block for me. The pain of discovery is more healing now then the pain of the issues I was dealing with. That's why I continue to open up, because I know, no matter how hard the truth is, it's better and mentally healthier then the concealment, denial, or lies I've been dealing with all my life.
So you work with a woman therapist, then? I have tried that on a couple of occasions and have stopped. Is it working ok for you? For me, I think it would open up a big can of worms for countertransference. That would toss the situation out the window. When I have begun therapy with a woman therapist, the sessions were sort of wasted ... in my experience. My therapist is a man. And, from some of the comments I make, I "sense" that he probably believes I should be working with a male therapist. So far, so good.
Well, I'm doing much, much better now, so I would say it's working well enough. There was like 2 sessions where I was starting to crush on her (she started going through a divorce shortly after I started seeing her.) I don't know about her having any feelings towards me. She's been very professional. I've always tended to prefer women doctors and what-not, more comfortable opening up to them then males.
