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Am I still depressed?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by garabaldi22, Mar 15, 2015.

  1. garabaldi22

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    I feel like I'm a broken record every time I talk about this, but I just don't know how to get around it. Well here it goes.

    I came out last year, around October, and I felt a sense of release for a moment, but then I was hit pretty hard with this depression that came afterward. I'm way better than before, but it feels like my mind is so off. My sex drive is off balance, my memory sucks, and my ability to focus is gone. The main thing that sucks is that I started seeing this guy, but I just can't enjoy it. There's this instinct in me that just has sex with him, but my mind sometimes is somewhere else. He turns me on and when we're together I just want to be near him more, but my mind just feels like it restricting me for feeling anything. I do get some glances of happiness when I'm with him, but there not there forever, my mind just tends to shut them off. It feels like there's a pressure inside my head every time I try to feel happy or even remember on the things I once found pleasure. I just don't know anymore. I feel very happy when I'm near him and he makes me smile. I just feel that I will never come out of this mental hole that is ruining my life. My mother said that there is no true happiness that I should just get used to this way of living, that happiness is a lie. But I did find happiness before my fall into this hole. I found it when I let go of all my emotions and true feelings. I just feel lost.

    My question is, how long will this last? How long will my mind be so off? I thought everything would be fine, but I just feel more confused. I have feelings for this guy, but how can I be with him if my mind is being so stupid right now? The last question is, is this even depression or is my mind just trying to tell me something? But how can that be so if it's also effecting everything else in my life? I just can't see myself happy anymore.
     
  2. Aro

    Aro
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    That is not true about happiness. You can find happiness and will find happiness in people and enjoyable activities around you. That being said, it does sound like you suffer the symptoms of depression. Not being able to focus/enjoy things, having poor memory, and creating distance/detaching emotionally between you and people you care about are all signs. Have you been to a doctor to be properly diagnosed? Self-diagnosing is never a good idea. And no one here can tell you for sure.

    As for how long it takes, it's different for anyone. There is no set amount of time that you can just dance out of whatever hole your mind has gone into and say 'okay, I'm done!', it just doesn't typically work that way. It takes work and patience to heal yourself. And it's easy to pressure yourself into being okay, because that is exactly what you want- to shine and feel that glorious sunlight that is out of the cloud of depression. The one thing that you can do with your partner is explain to him how you are feeling and get his support. Support is everything when dealing with depression. You can still be with someone while depressed. It may be stressful for both parties at times, but if there is love and understanding and trust between you, there is nothing that can't be accomplished.

    It sounds like depression, as I have said. But for your last question, it truly cannot be answered by anyone but a clinical doctor. Always get assessed before assuming, you know? As someone who suffers from depression and has for just about 18 years, I understand the feeling, however. You sometimes just know. Listen to yourself and take care accordingly. Talk to people as you must and try to keep yourself from withdrawing or delving too deep into the murky, dark thoughts that will invade. Know that it is not just you and your mind is not playing tricks on you. One of the biggest things that I used to tell myself before I was diagnosed was that it was all in my head and that I wasn't really feeling or going through all of these things. But the only person I was fooling was myself.

    Depression effects everything. It is a chemical imbalance of the brain and it is not your fault. That is why it is so important that you see someone about it. It doesn't mean you have to go on any pills or anything, but it will give you a better understanding of what you are going through and where you should go from here.

    Hopefully that helps, and I am around to talk if you ever need me. Please take care.
     
  3. garabaldi22

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    Thanks for the reply.

    I am seeing someone about this, it's been for two months now and she has told me that I've been doing way better than the beginning. She did say that it may be a chemical imbalance, because recently I've got really good news: I got a new job, I'm graduating college with honors, I found someone that I like (and they've showed interest), I'm achieving my art career, I got my license, I got a car, and people are starting to discover my talents, but I just can't feel happy anymore. I can't enjoy those moments as much as I want to. It's just that I need time to heal, which is something I know I need, but I'm just impatient. I just feel like I'm going to stay like this forever. I forgot how I used to be, if I was ever happy. I forgot that feeling. I'm desperate now and I'm going to try some supplements that hopefully help. I haven't done that yet, only because I thought I didn't need them, but I'm at a point where I can't take it anymore. I hate this state of mind that I'm in.

    I was thinking of taking St. John Wort or SAM-e. Hopefully those things work.
     
  4. Aro

    Aro
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    I am glad to hear that there are many things going your way in life. Besides the lack of feeling happy, that's always nice to have. Of course you need time to heal. And it's easy to get impatient because it feels like you are missing out on a lot. But there is one thing that I have learned when it comes to coming back out of this; and that is that you absolutely cannot rush yourself. You will know and feel when your time has come. It's good that you are seeing someone, because they will be able to help guide you. I know what it's like to forget. It's an awful feeling.

    I hope that those things work for you as well. But there is no easy solution to healing your mind. It simply needs time, effort, and patience. Give yourself the time that you need first and foremost.