Using Condoms

Personally, I wouldnt have taken him back., But thats not the question here.

For "fairness" i would suggest not waiting to take the test. Even if he is your only partner, you could still have something u got from somewhere else. Not even talking sexual anything here. If you worrying about this really upsets him, just say something like "would you rather wear a condom, or be dead?" Obviously a bit nicer, Im an asshole XD. On the whole insisting on a condom for a while thing, I cant really help ya there. Mostly cuz I would have dropped him. But if he's yours, he's yours yanno? Good luck and I hope it all works out for you.

Also Disclaimer: If none of that made sence, Im sorry its like 5 am here and i havent slept yet.

 

Maybe you should insist on using condoms until 3 months after the cheating, then do the tests, and to make that a condition that you don't leave him for cheating. It is only fair that he does that considering he cheated. He can't reasonably expect you to put yourself at risk because of that.

 

The best way to handle this is to stay the fuck away from him.

The recipe for the perfect fucking disaster is as follows:

- 1 stupid, unfaithful dick
- 1 promiscuous asshole
- 0 condoms
- A bunch of STD's

And that's almost it. The only ingredient that will make it work is a guy who has lost his common sense somewhere along the way. Add that, and your disaster will be ready in no time!

 

I can definitely relate - my situation was a bit worse. I had one "accident" with my boyfriend about a week into our relationship, and it wasn't a super big deal to him since we had JUST started dating and my "accident" occurred on a trip with a gay friend of mine to San Diego (planned long before we started dating) to a bunch of gay bars... at this point (over a year later) I'm 100% sure I can control myself. With that said, I did use a condom... and we only had sex with condoms anyways for the most part, but I did pony up and get a STD test anyways just to confirm I was clean (the guy I had my slip up with was a very promiscuous bar boy).

However it's definitely NOT JUST your problem to deal with. If your boyfriend can't realize what made him cheat, I 100% guarantee he'll do it again. My boyfriend cheated on me once also (so we've both been guilty of it) with a now-former good friend of mine (just oral, if it was all the way we wouldn't be together right now) several months into our relationship. It took me a very long time to get over it, and I guarantee you'll still have a little thing in the back of your mind for awhile. I still sort-of do to this date, but we're working on it.

Stand up for yourself. He cheated, he put you both at risk, he should have to wear condoms as his penance. Also consider the horrible possible reality that he does test positive - what would you do in that case? Also did he come to you telling you he cheated or did you have to find out? If he didn't fess up on his own, I would seriously consider leaving him. My boyfriend told me the very next morning, bawling and throwing up with how much he hated himself for what he did. That was his one saving grace.

I gave myself a bit more assurance. I contacted the guy who he cheated on me with - definitely not something easy to do since at the time I wanted to take a baseball bat to him, being that I knew him in the first place. He was also very upset with himself for having not only had sex with my boyfriend, but the fact that we were pretty good friends up until then. I point-blank told him that we were no longer friends, and that the least he could do is let me know when he was last tested, if he was negative of all STDs, etc. And they only swapped head - a next to impossible chance of transmission for HIV. He apologized profusely for what he did and even offered to send me his test results showing that he was negative for all STDs.

Not sure if that helps you at all handle it. Bottom line - he needs to figure out why he did it. I spent weeks of self-reflecting thinking about why I did it, and my boyfriend did the same thing for months (his, in my opinion, was FAR worse than what I did). And if you had to find out via 3rd party, you might as well just end it right now.

 

Wait, so... him CHEATING on you is "your problem to deal with," yet he's allowed to get mad at you for raising a legitimate concern of sexual health?

Run. Run fast.

 

If that's the case then yes, you might as well end it now before you become more invested in him. I read your original post along the lines of "well, its my problem to get over" not that he pinned it on you. If he pinned it on you, your relationship is a lost cause.

 

Agreed. 100%

And if you stay, no sex without condoms until his follow-up. You can develop HIV within 10 years from initial infection, so definitely wait 3 months at least.

 

What, he can't keep his dick wrapped for just two more months? Boyfriends come and go, but HIV is for the rest of your life. If he would put your health at risk in exchange for a little extra friction during sex, then he's not worth keeping.

 

So you knew he had lied to you, he had even paid money to get away with it, but you took him back, just because he cried and made you believe that he regrets what he did. And he doesn't learn from his mistake, he wants to keep on going like this.

You say a relationship cannot be built on holding this mistake against him. Can it be built on disregarding his actions that quite possibly endanger your health or even your life? I seriously don't know what keeps you by his side. This whole story is just one enormous question mark for me.

 

Well, I'd be safe, and only worry about your own safety there.

I can only relate this, my boyfriend and I just recently decide to make things semi-official after 4 months of texting, and dating. We are "non-exclusive" boyfriends. Meaning we want to be with others (we're both exploring our sexuality,) and don't want to cheat on each other. We've made a promise to be open and honest, and somewhat selective in who we hookup with or try to date. Part of this process was his confession that between like our 3rd and 4th date he hooked up with a hot guy and had sex with him. Yes, I was jealous that it wasn't with me, but we'd not said anything about being boyfriends, or getting serious or anything at that point. He also confessed to having unsafe sex once (out of the 3 guys he was with.) That was concerning, but he's over doing that.

Yes, I'm a bit jealous that today he's asking a cute young guy out to his prom. But, he's been open and honest about it (and really nervous about both asking me for "permission," and it being the first guy in person he's asked out...) I'm more nervous and excited for him then jealous. Wish I could be there to video tape it for him.

I have to keep reminding myself, that he's been with me longer then anyone else. And I am the first guy he's been with more than once. So, I've got that going for me, I just can't be jealous if he wants to have a normal teenagers life too...

 

If it was the right decision for you, then by all means. It's your life. I would've kicked him out for good.

 

Agreed. He lied to you. If you hadn't confronted him, he would have thought he got away with it. That means there's no trust, and you can't have a relationship without trust. Love and trust go hand-in-hand. You can't have love without trust.

You're right - a relationship can't be based on holding things against other people. But a relationship also has to be built on trust and compassion for your partner - obviously something he does not have towards you. HIV is downplayed heavily today, but it's still a lifelong virus that will eventually claim your life. It's not worth the risk being with someone who doesn't take it seriously, ESPECIALLY only being one month into a relationship.

---------- Post added 17th Mar 2015 at 01:09 PM ----------

Be careful dating someone under half of your age... I had an older friend trying to do this for years and it never worked - younger guys are in an entirely different playing field compared to you, even if you both recently came out. Not to say that you can't be a happy couple being 18/19 and 50... but eventually I have trouble seeing it work long-term (maybe you're not going for that). I get the sex appeal of wanting to be with younger guys, but the maturity divide is insane. My boyfriend is three years younger than me, and I definitely have trouble with our different levels of maturity. I could only imagine the gap being 25+ years.

Remember the adage - if you date someone significantly younger than yourself, make sure you leave them in equal or better condition if/when the relationship ends.

 

I've been in a relationship for five months. We always use a condom, even though he got tested and I knew he was clean. Never in a million years do I think he would cheat on me, but by using condoms I can say that I was always safe.

You need to tell him that if he wants to have sex with you, you both have to be safe. Statically speaking you can only doge the bullet some many times before you catch something when going bareback. If you want the lowest risk of getting and STI/STD, then this is what you need to do.

 

Hey MrBrightside,

As Chip mentioned above, this is someone who violated your trust. I know you love him, which is why you are not seeing things as clearly as you should.

I am amazed that in this day and age he had no idea about any of this, or the danger he put both you and himself in. As for knowing the guy he went with, let me tell you this and in no uncertain terms: NO ONE CAN GUARANTEE ANOTHER'S SEXUAL BEHAVIOUR. As a corollary, no one in a court of law can properly testify as to whether someone else is, or is not fooling around. I'm glad you are taking precautions anyway, that is wise.

Being drunk is no excuse either, being drunk simply means his inhibitions were compromised. In other words, he did what he really wanted to do (under the influence), alcohol makes it easier to ignore moral choices...

If you wish to stay with him, keep using the condoms indefinitely. The group with some of the highest rates of new HIV infections is composed of supposedly "monogamous" couples, to such an extent that current risk-factor analyses consider monogamous unprotected relationships as a risk factor for contracting Sexually Transmitted Diseases, and not only HIV.