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Recently Hospitalized and Ashamed

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Asari, Mar 20, 2015.

  1. Asari

    Regular Member

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    So this Saint Patrick's day I went a little overboard. I went out with a friend and drank so much I ended up getting violently ill and passing out in the bathroom of our favorite pub. I was barely conscious but I remember my friend and another girl trying desperately to get me up. It all felt like it was 5 minutes for me but I was probably in there for hours. I've drank that much, even more on several occasions but I've only gotten that ill once before in college. I still don't understand why I got so sick that night after 2 beers and 3 shots. (I drink twice that amount on a regular basis). The only time I've ever gotten that sick I was in my own room and didn't have to deal with the humiliation that ensued this Tuesday. My friends warned me that an ambulance was on it's way and that if I didn't get up they would put an IV in my arm and pump my stomach. I remember my friend saying "girl I know you can't afford those hospital bills please get up." But when they tried to get me on my feet I ended up vomiting all over myself. I wanted to get up so bad but I was barely conscious and had no control over my body. I remember the EMT's coming in and using a rag under my armpits to pick me up and put me on the stretcher. It hurt really bad and one of my armpits is numb three days later. Is that normal for it to still be numb?

    Anyways, My friend ended up calling my mom and my mom picked me up from the hospital. She told my father about everything that happened and he is really religious. That is the worst part about all of this. I have kept my drinking a secret from my parents, even though I am an adult because my oldest sister is a raging alcoholic. Whenever she gets drunk she ends up getting in fights and has been put in jail more than once. So I feel like they must be comparing me to her. They have been so sweet to me since this happened. My dad even took me to dinner tonight to cheer me up. But I hate myself for what I did, and I guess I want my parents to hate me too. It makes me angry that they are being so nice.

    I just recently lost a job and am in a lot of debt. I can't avoid my parents because I moved back in with them. I can't afford to live on my own right now. This situation has made me feeling even more hopeless, even suicidal. I feel like I can't talk to my parents now. I feel ashamed of myself. I hate myself for making this stupid mistake. I haven't touched alcohol since it happened and plan to drink in moderation from now on. But I am struggling with thoughts of shame so deep I am beginning to feel suicidal.
     
  2. Chip

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    Hi,

    First, I completely understand the shame you feel about letting your parents down. Yet it sounds like you have pretty amazing parents who are supportive and (at least outwardly) nonjudgmental. I'm sure they are hurt and disappointed... but I'm also sure they still love you.

    Second... you may not want to hear this, but drinking in moderation may not be an option for you. If you have an alcoholic sister, then there's a familial trait. There is some genetic link to alcoholism, but there is a much stronger link to early childhood experiences. Given that you've had this experience, and the family situation, your best option may be to simply choose not to drink at all, as alcoholism is progressive and for most people, once the addiction "switch" gets flipped on... it's very difficult to flip off. So I'd suggest you consider that, and really evaluate what's important to you.

    Here's another piece: It sounds like the alcohol use might be tied to the current difficulties with life. If so, that's another huge warning sign, that you are using alcohol as a coping mechanism for depression, anxiety, or stress. That, too (if I'm correct), also puts you at higher risk for alcoholism and, additionally, won't do much toward solving your problems.

    The good news is... perhaps all of this gives you an opportunity to look at and work on these issues. And perhaps one way to help that along is to talk openiy with your parents about disappointing them, and about how you feel. Having people you can share your experiences with has immeeasurable value in helping you feel better.

    And, of course, continue talking here. :slight_smile:
     
  3. Wildside

    Wildside Guest

    if you regularly drink twice that much, you can acknowledge that you have a history of alcohol abuse. and your sister's story tells you that you have a history of alcoholism in the family. one of these times, you may die. so please, tell your doctor. ask for help. go to AA, which can help, but do more than that (medical help). being alcoholic is not your fault, it is a deadly disease, but you can take responsibility for dealing with it.
    And your friend really is a great friend, for telling your parents. anyone who would cover it up would be a false friend, not a friend at all. because your life is at stake. take care of yourself. you're worth it! (&&&)
     
  4. Cesar123

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    Hello Asari, I am sorry that you had to experience that recently. I agreed with what the people posted above and rather ran restating everything that has been said I decided it would be much for informative for you fully understand what is happening to your body when you are drinking to the point of vomiting. It should explain why you feel the way you today, and the harmful affects it will inevitably cause in the future.
    Brain: As you probably can guest, alcohol can do a number to our brains. Its consumption causes our neurotransmitter to relay information significantly slower. At first it is typically accompanied with a tired or weak feeling ( the hangover ) but persistent consumption will alter the brain chemistry which can lead to crazy stuff. The beginning stages are followed with depression and anxiety ( hence your suicidal thoughts ) coupled with some memory lost and in worst cases seizures. It can also affects proteins in the brain causing "black outs." Long term affects it can completely damage the neurons causing the brain the literally shrink ( affecting the entire the body! ). People who are long term drinkers suffer from sleep disorder, being unable to regulate body temperature, cognitive disorders, memory disorders, learning disorders, motor disorders, and rare cases immunological disorders. If this doesn't scare you, than maybe this will. If you drink enough alcohol to the point where your liver can no longer process it which consequently will cause the liver cells to die. This liver disease means that the toxins it is suppose to be disposing is traveling upward to the brain causing serious damage, hepatic encephalopathy to be exact. Have you ever heard of a hepatic coma? My doctor refers to it as the drunk man's coma because the toxins destroy enough brain cells to put you in a coma - if it doesn't kill you first should I add. Beginning stages of this liver disease are forgetfulness, mild confusion, irritability, inability to sleep. Followed by depression, motor problems, coma, or death.

    Thoracic Region: The big one for this one is cardiomyopathy ( another drunk mans disease ). Its when your heart becomes so weak that it kinda droops down and can not pump blood effectively. It becomes literally huge! Heres a comparison I found ( and I've seen bigger might I add ) < http://www.ijem.in/articles/2012/16/3/images/IndianJEndocrMetab_2012_16_3_463_95715_f2.jpg >. If not treated it could lead to heart failure but I believe you would of picked up the signs before ( swelling in arms and legs, trouble breathing, fatigue ). Long term, it can cause something called arrhythmia ( irregular heart beat ) which could get you a pacemaker. Causes also hypertension and problems with the lungs ( basically gunk in your airways and anemia ).

    Liver & Pancreas: No much here. Other than the one above, the only thing I can think of is possible liver failure ( probably from cirrhosis ) and pancreatitis. You also increase the risk of cancer in these two regions...

    To make this post shortened, I skipped through the others were affected not because they are unlikely but because they are typically triggered by one of the above or I can not think of much for them. This includes esophagus ( Ulcers, Scars, infection ), Stomach ( problems with digestion, ulcers, scars, infection ), kidneys ( mostly dehydration ), intestines ( ulcers, scars, infection ).

    Good Luck,
    Cesar.
     
    #4 Cesar123, Mar 21, 2015
    Last edited: Mar 21, 2015