Hi everyone, So I've been seeing someone and we have been messing around for about a month now and I really like him. My main concern is that when we try to have sex my erection goes away. When we're together before the initial time we take off our clothes, I'm hard and I'm even getting wet, but when we're actually naked I just feel nervous and my mind tends to wander off. It became a concern of mine for some time now but I just don't know how to conquer this lose of erection. Something to add is that I came out last year and that hit me pretty hard, depression and self-harm. Around that time my mind shut down and I'm not able to masturbate as I used to. This has been an issue for about 5 months now and I'm just getting tired about it. I really like this guy and I've been attracted to him before I came out, but I just can't seem to stay in focus or create that pleasure of masturbation that I used to have. Like my brain keeps a thought and then it loses it. This has gone to a point that I have tried to masturbate towards women. Doesn't seem right and I'm still trying to make that spark again with when I thought about men. I want to conquer this as soon as possible because my partner is now feeling that he doesn't turn me on. He does, he's the type of guy that I've been attracted to since I was 12, both physically and emotionally. My mind just doesn't want to take in any of it in. Like that doesn't do any to me anymore, it gets frustrating because I've always had that attraction and now it's gone. So if anyone out there can help me out, that would be appreciated.
It's not exactly the same scenario, but you may find some of the responses to this thread helpful: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/chit-chat/166596-how-get-over-performance-anxiety.html
One, lay off masturbation for a few days. Two, do not think about ejaculation, think of it as a journey towards satisfying yourself and your partner as a bonus. I have had the same problem in the past and it is a nerve problem. I had an ex who would not get hard in order to perform anal sex but this is a different scenario. I understand where you are coming from completely with self-harm and depression and masturbation. Do not make your goal of sex to cum, make it to satisfy yourself sexually and your partner as a bonus. Cumming is considered a huge bonus and not to mention rather enjoyable .
