Dealing with anxiety

I've been a really anxious guy for years, since I'm at the high school I think. Been a very closeted guy, never have friends my age cause I was stressed about my orientation. I was prefering to meet people older than me, centering myself on my BFs and my personnal activities and, of course, studies. Things get worst when I failed two of my university internships at the end of my studies. Via the university help center, I got some psychological help and then a GP, the diagnostic was simple, social phobia... According to the GP and the psychologist, I have developped this cause I was hidding my sexual orientation for years (I was knowing this before meeting them tho, that was not a revelation...). The problem with longterm stress as I understand this is you are secreting too much of adrenalin and other bad neurotransmitters in your brain that you must try to decrease or to inhibit, and this is easier to do with medicine than with hours of meditation and yoga. Still, I am stressed everyday but maybe more like a "normal" level of stress now that my condition is monitored by my GP and medication (I see him one time a year or if things get worst ex when I left my previous bf), I feel better and I'm now sufficiantly stable to support the everyday stress in my life and at the job. I have developped an healthier lifestyle, with the help of friends and lovers. I'm a physiotherapist, I work with a lot of people in our public health service (Québec, Canada), beneficiaries, other professionals and health care givers, students... Well, yeah, that's not perfect, still have some ups and downs but I can assure you there is something to do with that kind of phobia.
Hope that help

 

This can be the hardest step when you accept you need help and going to seek it. Congrats on wanting to get outside help.

I have personally struggled with general anxiety all my life. It got to the point in second year of university where I couldn't handle it alone anymore (being away from my family, my support, didn't help). So I went to a psychologist and over two years I learned so much about how I view myself and the world around me. But most importantly how my views and responses were detrimental to my ability to function. My first session ended with me finishing telling about how anxiety controlled my life and I broke down into tears.

Talking and holding nothing back to the therapist helped me deal with my anxiety and she gave me tools to tweak my responses to life situations. I made a lot of progress but I got to the point where my anxiety was blocking my path to improve. So after two years I started a medication to lower my baseline stress response.

From there I made more improvements.

What I hope you take from this is that you have options. Where you want to start is up to you but you now have the motivation to take back your life from the anxiety and I wish you the best of luck!

 

Have you tried to connect with other queer groups in your area? Being among like-minded people can really help. Tribalism. It's unfortunate because as queers, we're always left with fewer social spaces to navigate through and always have to "test the waters" before we take a dive- so our whole lives are centred on being overly cautious about everything. It's stressful and exhausting. The truth is that there's really so little we can do to change the world, no matter how much we try. But if you have a sufficiently supportive microcosm, it's off for a good start. I think a lot of us here are burdened with a sense of disparity and meaninglessness, but we all find some sort of way to just "get by", and one of them is to have a purpose. I know what you mean by the "don't know where to start" part, it's the hardest part. Do you want to tell us more about these issues and where you think it all started? Do you harbour negative sentiments towards somebody/thing? This itself can cause a lot of anxiety.

 

I am planning to take an anxiety management course. Is there anything like that you could sign up for?

 

I feel that medication and a group therapy course will help you the most.
Believe me, I've been there.

 

I do think the suggestion for meeting with a support group helps because this is a way you can talk about it without getting judged. I do suffer from anxiety myself. Years ago, my psychologist diagnosed me with Avoidant Personality Disorder. It has caused me to cut off my relationship with my friends and has permitted me not to go to work. What helped me though is that I took a year off from everything and started to adjust and identify what are my stress points and how should I deal with it. I found out that Running makes me feel better other than just lying on my bed watching tv.

I challenged myself little by little in things that I am comfortable with but at the same time stepping out of that comfort zone. A lot of times I struggle with depression but I try to make sure that I win the battle and not let it take over.

I guess that's what I can advice from you. Do things little by little and even though this is a one step forward 10 steps back, realise that mistakes/disappointments will come and go but you also learn from them.

 

Cutting off and isolating yourself is an understandable short term solution but with potential problematic longer term results. You just risk becoming more withdrawn, depressed and anxious.

Anxiety is different for everyone but you can tackle it on all fronts.
From seeing your doctor. Many meds available to reduce anxiety in the short term.
To seeing a therapist.
Socialising more.
Exercising more
Eating better
Distracting yourself with new interests
Getting better quality sleep.
Drinking less caffeine

 

I've also struggled with anxiety for as long as I can remember. It does seem to be related to, or at least intermingled with questions of sexuality though. I've done a few things that have been really helping me. If I had to pick a theme of what's helped, it's self awareness. Knowing what makes it arise or worsen, and what I can do to keep it away. Several of these things I did before it got very bad, then went away from. You might come up with a completely different list.

- journaling. Or really, just writing down what's bothering me. Sometimes it solves a problem, sometimes it just lets me know it's not something I can solve right now. Both of those help get me out of thoughts that are just pure worry with no action. And of course, sometimes no action is the right action.
-exercise. I notice that some good vigorous exercise helps a lot. I like bike riding a lot, in case that wasn't obvious. If you can find something you really enjoy doing, it's easier of course, but I do find the benefits so helpful to my mood that I'll do it when it's unpleasant mostly.
-acceptance. A few weeks after I really accepted my sexuality, and noticed how much better that felt, I realized I could do the same thing with my anxiety. Yeah, I'm at least occasionally more anxious than most people in certain settings, but I know why. And even if I don't know why, acceptance robs them of of lot of their negative power.
-beta blockers. This is a new one, I have actually only used one time but helpful. They block some of the physical symptoms of anxiety which can trigger that "oh no, not again" feeling.

Oh, and I've been putting myself out into new gay situations and I've had many places where it's been too much. It's ok to fall back but pushing forwards has rewards too.

 

I have a similar issue with anxiety. In my case its social anxiety as well as I tend to be a hypochondriac and its caused me to miss out on some life experiences that I wish I hadn't missed out on such as having a girlfriend or boyfriend. Around this time last year my anxiety was so bad that it caused me to go into a depression state and I even had to stay home from work a couple days because I barely had enough energy to get out of bed to go to the bathroom! I still have some issues with anxiety to this day but they're not anywhere near what they used to be. I saw a therapist for it as well which helped but it only really helped in the sense that I had someone who wasn't going to judge me to vent to. What I did that REALLY made a difference is I started getting out of my comfort zone. Since I tend to be a hypochondriac I decided to go see a doctor to do just a normal checkup. I went there to find out that I have an underactive thyroid but other than that I am healthy! Now when I think about going to the doctor I don't get anywhere near as anxious as I used to! I also started going to protests in the area I live in alone and started talking to people there and made some pretty cool friends as well! I used to go to protests to livestream and take videos of the protests all the time but before when I would go I would be so camera shy that I wouldn't hardly say a word let alone my opinion of what was going on while I was video recording. I was terrified of someone criticizing me for something I said on the video but now Im not so nervous of that and I even got one of my videos that I narrated of a bunch of riot police arresting a small group of people on a pretty well known alternative news website! Heres the link to the article that was prosted with my video incase your interested: copblock.org/89426/denver-police-arrest-peaceful-protesters-going-home/

Its all about getting out of your comfort zone. I can guarantee that if I hadn't started getting out of my comfort zone I wouldn't be where I am today. Also one of the things I'm starting to learn is to trust myself bealcause I often second guess myself and sell myself short. Henry David Thoreau often talked about how people are inherently good and their goodness and virtue tends to get corrupted when they are less and less self sufficient. I'm not saying you're a bad person but what I am saying is that when you are not as self sufficient as possible as far as emotionally and physically goes, you're not living up to your true potential and you'll start to get corrupted and like me you'll start to second guess yourself and sell yourself short.

P.S. if you decide to go see a doctor, tell them to do a blood test to check your thyroid. In my case for my anxiety issues, my thyroid has a huge part to play in that. Your thyroid regulates a lot of stuff inyour body and also plays a huge part in producing certain chemicals in your brain that regulats your mood and keeps anxiety attacks at bay from what I understand.

 

I understand. I've been through a lot and sometimes for no reason I'll just feel so nervous I feel sick. Especially lately. I take everything personal and I stress a lot. I wish I had advice. The only thing that keeps me going some days is my faith in God

 

like many many others ive dealt with (and still dealing with) a lifetime of generalised anxiety. sometimes so bad that I cant leave the house :icon_redf very frustrating.

tends to get worse if I "hermit" for an extended period of time...almost like a "rebound" anxiety when I finally venture into the world, to the point of panic attacks.

I wont flame the medication route- does help me massively as i take diazepam as needed. I mix that with cbt and various other head-fixing... important not to rely on it constantly as a cure tho- you've done the hardest part (for me anyways), which is admit your struggling. sometimes that's a huge part of it and deserves credit on its own!

Keep on keepin' on, sometimes its gotta get worse before it gets better. (*hug*)