I am very new to the sexual exploration. I have a boyfriend, whom i have been dating for the past four months. Since we began dating, we have been very intimate. We makeout, engage in foreplay, and have had sex multiple times. During sex, we have only used a condom twice (out of probably 8-10 times). The first time that we had sex, it bothered me that we did not use protection, so I asked him about it the next time we began to do stuff. We did use a condom the two times we had sex after that. Since then, we have not used a condom or any protection. It bothers me because I am concerned about getting an STD or STI and have the same concern for him. He has been tested for STD/STI's and is clean; I am also clean. Do we need to use a condom during penetrative sex if we are committed to each other exclusively and are both STD and STI free? Should we use a condom during oral sex too? I am new to all of this because he is the first person I have had sex (of any form) with. Please help!
I would certainly recommend using condoms for penetrative sex, even if you are committed to each other. Sad to say, people make mistakes and cheat in relationships. It's something we prefer not to consider because it sounds like we are not trusting, but I'm afraid it does happen and can lead to sexually transmitted infections and diseases - worst of which is HIV. Condom use is the best way to protect ourselves. The risks are much lower for oral, but it's not a zero risk activity, so if you want to be absolutely sure a condom is advised. Condoms are much better now and they really don't spoil sexual enjoyment. What does spoil sexual enjoyment is worry about your health, so you can almost eliminate that by taking precautions and getting tested regularly. Please remember, a clean bill of sexual health only applies on the day it is given.
I feel awkward bringing up the topic of using condoms to my boyfriend at this point, because we have only used them twice before. I do agree that they are the best protection, and I would feel better if we did use them. How should I go about having that conversation without him getting upset?
Let me put this about as plainly as I can: If you're comfortable enough to stick your dicks in each other, you should be comfortable enough to talk about it. Just bring condoms and lube to the bed. And say you'd like to use them from here on out. There - done. Lex
Seriously, this. We have been taught that we shouldn't talk about sex, during sex or about what we want or don't want. In movies people just sort of do it and porn is just bad example for everything. So with that in mind, push yourself to talk more about it. Talk to him about your worries and let him know that you won't be having sex without a condom. If this is something that you truly want then let it be known. As a side note, as you continue to become more sexualy involved, make sure to keep getting tested together at least every 6 months. Just to be safe.
Please listen to the advice above, it is solid and based on scientific evidence and not emotion. Everyone has the responsibility to protect themselves. Some one on here said that he just assumes that anyone could be positive and therefore acts accordingly regarding protection. That comment totally resonated with me. HIV is no longer a death sentence, and now considered a chronic disease, but you can take measures to avoid it - until such time as a vaccine is developed which will be in the near future I hope. Please take care -
