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Very confused and concerned

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by uhhhh123, May 23, 2015.

  1. uhhhh123

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Toronto
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Straight but curious
    Im a teenage male. I've liked girls and I've never really been physically attracted to guys in real life. However, the past year, I got kinda bored with straight porn and I started to look at gay porn. I've never wanted to fuck a guy but I liked to imagine I was the guy being fucked in the video. I'm not really attracted at all to a mans physical body and I would find it pretty gross to kiss a guy. Sometimes I would watch straight porn and then imagine I was the girl being fucked. The only part of the body that I'm actually attracted to on a male is their dick (only big pale and hairless ones) and their personality if they're really confident. For the first 8 months I wasn't concerned about this at all because I felt like I was just experimenting. My favourite videos to jack off to would be where a girl would be dominated by 4 or 5 guys and I'd pretend Im that girl. Some of my buddies in high school are really confident and sometimes I would pretend they were all gang banging me. It all kinda felt good in a wrong way. After finishing, I would feel like complete shit though. I would feel like I'm not worthy and it feels like by doing this I'm ruining my self esteem. When I was jacking off, I went as far as riding a plunger handle to simulate a dick in my ass. Also as much as I hate to say, my greatest sexual fantasy right now is my best friend face fucking me and cumming down my throat. These are all fantasies though. In real life, I'm literally only attracted to maybe a handful of guys that I would let fuck me. Every other guy I'm not attracted to. And these guys that I would do stuff with are all very high value guys with alot of confidence that I have emotional connections with. I think this attraction stemmed from wanting validation from them and it became a twisted thrill that developed into something sexual. I also have somewhat an obsession with my mouth. I used a soother for along time when I was a child and I bited my nails for a long time too. I'm not really crazy about being fucked but I really want to suck a dick and to get facefucked. When I am at party and I'm kinda fucked up, in the back of my mind, I really want 3 guys to come grab me and take me into the bathroom against my will, and fuck the shit out of me and basically rape me. What I'm mostly concerned from this is I'm not sure if these thoughts are natural or if this is from conditioning myself over years to really really want validation from some of my guy friends to the point where I feel like I'll do ANYTHING to get them to like me. When I'm having sex with a girl, I feel good about myself during and after. When I jacking off to this stuff, I feel like I'm just a bitch and slut boy being used and it feels good in a twisted way. I'm not sure if these feeling are healthy though. What are people's thoughts?
     
  2. Schloss

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    Beirut
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    Some people
    Find it gross to kiss a guy? Dude, which planet are you living in? The only thing hotter than a gay kiss is the temperature of the core of the sun, squared :-D

    Just had to say that. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes: Moving on, most of the time, people who put down non-heterosexuality usually use the myth that you MUST have gone through some sort of mental aberration to have a same-sex desire. In this case, it's seeking validation. That is totally not the case because seeking validation/need for approval is a perfectly normal endeavour of most teenagers/young adolescents. Do they all develop desires to bend down? I wish, but the answer is no.

    If you consider your infatuation a "problem", it'll really haunt you. Instead, you could take it as a natural condition that stems from curiosity and take it as a discovery rather than a threat to your identity. Do you think that might help?
     
  3. anon991

    Regular Member

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    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Questioning
    Out Status:
    Not out at all
    I thought I was straight too until a year or so ago and now I feel intense sexual feelings and fantasies of men. I used to hate myself and feel really bad for having these feelings when I wasn't aroused but I think these feelings are symptomatic of not being able to accept what you are. These sexual feelings are (no matter how much you may deny it to yourself) natural and just how you are.