Confused

Sounds like you might be overthinking it. If you enjoy cuddling, kissing and oral, then stick to what you enjoy, no need to pressure yourself doing other things your not comfortable with. Particularly if your trying to compare yourself to porn actors. Porn is not real. It's staged to represent fantasy, not reality. So, not a good basis of comparison.

Over time, as you get more comfortable with what you enjoy, you may naturally gravitate to try other things. But everything in due course.

 

Hi Mikey! :smilewave

Something to bear in mind is that not all gay guys like anal. Porn and the media in general start from the premise that anal sex for non-straight guys is equivalent to vaginal sex for straights and that vaginal sex is the be all and end all (interesting sidebar-do straights actually see it that way or is there a significant percentage who really prefer other activities? Hmmm). The reality is rather more complicated.

Based on various discussions on the subject that I've seen on EC, my totally unscientific estimate is that something like 25-30% of us aren't into anal with 'not into anal' running the gamut from 'ok, well I guess we can do it if you really want to' to 'Hell will freeze before I do that!!!'

Neither my husband nor I find anal all that much fun and don't bother with it. We don't think it's painful or gross or anything like that. But like you, we tend to feel it's a lot of work for not all that much pleasure, compared to other activities that we find much more intense. In my life, I've really only ever been involved with one guy who considered anal to be an important part of our sex life.

The bottom line here is that if anal doesn't do it for you, then don't do anal. There are a significant number of guys who you will be sexually compatible with, either because they feel the same way or don't care about anal one way or another. Plenty of fun stuff to do besides that. If you want to practice at it for the sake of 'perfecting the skill' I suppose you can do that. But why not spend the time on stuff you are actually enjoying?

On a final note: if you're engaging in activity with another person with the goal (or at least accepted definite possibility) of achieving orgasm at some point in the process...you're having sex with them. Penetration is just an option, not a requirement. And it's all natural

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

For human beings, trying to define what is and isn't 'natural' for us gets kind of tricky.

Unlike most animals we don't really come equipped with a lot of instinctual knowledge about how to do a few particular things. Instead, we come with big brains and the ability to learn a wide array of skills and even go beyond what we've learned to invent new tools and methods to improve how we do things.

I would suggest that while sexual urges are natural/instinctual (in most folks), the actual act of sex is something that arises out of a combination of learned knowledge, trial and error, and accumulated experience. If it didn't, then we would all probably more or less do sex exactly the same way. Instead, different people do things differently. Often the tendency is to equate this with whether or not someone is 'good in bed'. While there is some truth to that, in my experience it is also possible for two people to simply not be sexually compatible (or conversely be VERY compatible), which impacts their experiences together.

Rather than trying to be 'perfect' at sex, I would suggest that you approach it as something to enjoy with your partner(s), including being an opportunity to explore each other's body's and erogenous zones with an eye toward making each other feel good and being considerate of each other's feelings, fantasies, and turn-ons (and turn-offs).

Put all that together and you can have a really fun time regardless of your level of experience and without worrying about whether or not you are doing it the way 'everybody' says you should (who are these people and why do they care how anyone else has sex?).

Todd

---------- Post added 29th May 2015 at 10:02 PM ----------

Another way to think about this:

Do you have a food or drink that most people like that you don't care for? Do you think that you need to work to learn to like that food or drink because most people do? Probably not.

At the end of the day, sexual preferences are the same as preferences in food and drink. We don't learn to like things, we just sort of do (or don't) for reasons that aren't necessarily clear.

Todd