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22 year old virgin, can't get it up.

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by yesimhutty, Jun 25, 2015.

  1. yesimhutty

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    Hello everyone. New to this website, however I thought this would be the best place to seek advice.

    I recently came out (about 7 months ago) so I've always been single. I've been talking to this truly incredible guy for a little over three weeks now, and things are going incredible. He's been my first kiss, first person I've really held hands with, first person I've really cuddled with. I'm so incredibly attracted to him.

    We've took it fairly slow, but today we started to push it a little. Every time we would cuddle he would get rock hard the second I touched him. I would kind of start to feel an erection coming on, but I would ignore it because I wasn't ready to get sexual.

    Today while cuddling, I noticed he had a boner (he was wearing gym shorts), so I started playing with it. He was moaning and groaning. It was the hottest thing I've ever experienced in my life, but I could not for the life of me get hard. We tried everything from me trying to get myself hard to him trying to get me hard and there was literally nothing going on. I would precum, and that was it.

    He doesn't do anal. Period. So it's not like I can just have him penetrate me, you know? I ended up getting him off, but I'm worried he's going to think that I'm not into him. We talked about it and I told him that this is all new to me and I don't know why I'm having such a difficult time. He was very supportive and told me that I'll be ready when I'm ready. He's not too concerned yet.

    I'm not the most confident person, and I was worried that he was gonna think that I wasn't big enough, but I mean he told me that my penis is fine (and that was when it was flaccid). I just want to be able to show him how into him I am, but I just can NOT get an erection in front of him.

    I've always had stage fright. I can't even use a public restroom to take a piss if someone else is in there. I don't know if it's because I'm not 100% comfortable with him yet or if me just being worried about not getting a boner is causing me to in fact not get one. I'm at a loss.

    Sorry for the long post, I'm just hoping one of you guys will be able to lend some advice or kind words because I'm feeling really terrible about the situation. Thank you guys in advance.
     
  2. bingostring

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    It sounds like nervousness or worry and if you can work on relaxing in to it … things are bound to improve...(*hug*)
     
  3. pinkpanther

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    Do you get a boner regularly in the morning? If you don't go see a doctor.

    If you are, then it's stage fright. Since you like him and he likes you just take it slow. The more you rush things the worse they work, so by taking your time you'll get more comfortable with your and his body, and things should kick off from that point on.

    If you're absolutely, terribly frightened that you might lose him, and you don't want that for all the money in the world, the blue pill might help. It could help you break the barrier once and for all, but it could also make you psychologically dependent on it. I guess if you're that desperate then you should go and see a specialist.
     
  4. The Falcon

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    It takes time.

    21 years doubting, fearing yourself, expecting to change...

    7 months in, you've came out, you've went through the process you'd never thought you are going through, and on tops of it all you've started looking for people. All in the span of 7 months. Now in the span of three weeks you've started dating, crushing on someone, kissing for the first time, wrapping your head around everything. And you expect to have sex, be it being completely naked and playing with each other, be it mutual masturbation, be it oral sex, be it anal. It is normal.

    It's like after you came out, you must have wondered: why was I waiting for so long? Nothing really happened? This is dumb, isn't it? Than after you started kissing, and cuddling you started wondering: well this goes more smoothly than I thought, it is easy and relaxing, and it is OK. Again, why haven't I done it before? And now you are rushing towards the sex, like the next logical step in the story. And you are wondering why you can't do it... You think your ready, but your body clearly isn't, so... :slight_smile:

    Relax, process, talk with people... It will come on its own...

    Do not mystify it as a sickness or a disorder or a consequence of some Freudian concept... It is just life.