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Informed husband of desire to be with women. This is what he said.

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by BlueEyes321, Jun 26, 2015.

  1. BlueEyes321

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    Even though my husband is aware I am attracted to women. I've never told him how strong it actually is. I have always felt that I am a lesbian. It gets harder to contain as the years pass. Recently, we've been having conversations about it. I told him we've been together for a long time, 23 years almost(since I was 15). There are a lot of desires I have that have not been satiated. He also expressed his interest in possibly having sex with other women( of this I was not surprised). Obviously an open relationship is out of the question, I don't think that would ever work. But, he is open to the idea of inciting a woman into the bed with us. I guess that's ok, it's a way to feel out my desires with my husband fully aware. But, I'm scared he will see how much I would live being with a woman. I would be embarrassed to act myself in front of him with another woman. Also, how does this happen. We can't just go pick someone up at the grocery store! I'm scared that I'll have the desire to leave my life even more. I have a family. Is this a bad way to go about this? How else could I possibly comfortably come out to my husband? I'm so scare at the ramifications of this. Anyone else try this? I should also state I have had a few encounters with women that my husband is aware of.
     
  2. emma7

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    It's better for him to know that you're serious about being a lesbian and how much you want to be with another woman. It'll only cause more hurt in the long run. I'll try to help as much as I can but only come out to him fully when you're ready to, don't rush it. When you decide to, just tell him everything. Every single desire of yours.
     
  3. Invidia

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    this is good stuff^

    whatever the seeming cost... living a lie is completely terrible, I know. It's better if you tell him, maybe even your 'dirty' secrets, let him know how much you want to be with a woman instead of a man, it might help him understand things better.

    *hugs*
     
  4. Suspector

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    Why are people assuming she is living a lie?

    In my honest opinion, 23 years, is a long fucking time. If you didn't love him romantically, being with him for that long, then I would be shocked. I am gay, but I was with a woman for 3 years and I still feel at times that I love that woman. I don't believe sex is the rule of thumb for love.

    Just my 2 cents
     
  5. Chicagoblue

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    how much experience do you have?
    Is it time to experiment?
    Are you a bit adventurous?
    You're in PA? Is there a lesbian nightclub nearby? Lesbians are harmless and will not stalk you IMHO.
    Can you use a lesbian app to at least meet some girls and see if the spark is there for girls?
     
  6. Suspector

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    yeah, my friend used Reddit and found a girl who she ended up going out with for about a year now lol... I would use the internet to your advantage, there are apps, that are like ****** for guys, i forgot the name of it though
     
  7. gay or not, you said youve had encounters with women your husband is aware of. not sure if that means you cheated on him with women or that you actually had experiences with women before you met your hubby. if the first then gay or not its not fair if he is monogamous to get a free pass because you messed around with women and not men. if the latter then my apologies.

    either im reading your post wrong but you sound so confused. you want your husband but yet you want women and dont want to leave your life. you cant have both ideally. sit down and think about everything. have you spoen to anyone besides him about this? have a friend you can trust to talk about it maybe get things a bit cleraer? having desires is one thing but acting on them is another. threesomes rarely work out one person feels left out and in the end a lot of the time the realtionship breaks down beacuse of one night of 'fun'.

    your hubby said he wants to sleep with other women, has he said why? he doesnt sound to happy in the bedroom if so. how do you feel about sex with him? just because youre gay doesnt mean you cant leave your hubby and co parent your children sepearted assuming thats what you mean when you say family. it could be dogs and cats tho so idk.

    but the best thing i would suggest doing right now is talking to a friend you trust. think a lot about what you want from life. are you happy? is your husband happy?
     
  8. BlueEyes321

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    My husband enjoys sex with me but I don't give it often enough for him. He wants quantity, lol. And that last post is correct. I do want my husband but I also want women too. I am confused and I have to sit down and really think about things. My experiences with women were all while I was with my husband. I've been with him so long. He was my first.