Basically, I was closeted for a long time, I came out couple of months ago, and since than I can't properly get aroused. The only way I can describe it is that before coming out, I was struggling with my sexuality, but afterwards I would have went and masturbated without a problem. It was like my sexual desire rested in the sub-conscience, undisturbed and working on its own. Now when my sexuality is open to couple of people, I started realizing what does it mean to be a homosexual, all the social problems and the stigma washed me over and I am left unable to get sexually excited. Every time I see a guy or watch porn these thoughts come to my mind: what are you doing, you are aroused by two guys fucking each other, what does this mean for your identity! I am finally OK with my sexuality, I don't want to change, nor I wish to be something else... But it is just too real now... I don't have that sweet morning arousal anymore; I don't check out guys in the public transport, or the streets... ; sometimes I find porn funny and not sexy enough... Did you have a similar experience at a certain point in your life?
It sounds to me like you're stressed, you have too many thoughts/ideas/emotions to deal with to relax (consciously and subconsciously). And maybe you're stressing yourself more with this worry. Or, at least, this is what happens to me. Whenever I'm stressed/depressed I lose my sex drive, I'm thinking too much and not allowing myself to feel and be, I enter in some sort of anxious survival mode. Maybe this new situation is causing you fear and anxiety. I see that you're confused nd probably in denial, by your Orientation Status on your profile. Do you have someone you trust to talk about this to? It is important that you vent. It could help, or if you don't feel like talking about it, maybe writing down all your worries and thoughts, letting them flow, so you can look at them in perspective, and get to the core of the situation. This has helped me in certain situations. Take care, I hope you feel better soon. Remember you have us here, you're not alone.
It's not unusual for gays to have a drop in sex drive after coming out. My sex drive dropped after I came out, but it's coming back as I love and accept myself for being gay. It sounds like you are still coming to terms with the reality of being gay. When you say that you question your response when you see a cute guy or watch porn, I get the sense that you may be playing an old script that it's not OK to be gay. You must respond to that script with love and acceptance. You are also recognizing what it means to be an openly gay man - processing the reality that some people may reject you for who you are. It takes strength and pride to overcome these and either challenge their homophobic actions or walk away if they cannot accept you. Do you have an LGBTQ support group that you can reach out to? They may be able to help you understand the realities of being gay. As you become more comfortable with these realities, you will rediscover the sweet morning arousal and cute guys in the public transport. They will be much better than before you came out.
It sort of sounds like you are bound by your sexuality making it impossible to enjoy. Sometimes when we are out we become so self-conscious and hear or imagine negative words being said to us which gives us negative energy. That negative energy constricts us and doesn't allow for us to enjoy our sexuality. Another thing is now that you are out you may see yourself differently. When we have major changes in our lives it can affect all areas of our lives, including our sex lives. How do you see yourself sexually? Is it similar to how you see men sexually with this challenge you are having? As for not getting morning arousals, not checking out men in public, not enjoying porn as you may have before...I think it's because again you are bound by your sexuality and you are not allowing your heart to come out with you. I am getting vibes from you that you are a person who is concerned with matters of the heart and right now your heart is not open and others hearts are not open as well so you don't receive that energy. If I had to recommend something to you I would suggest looking up some videos online on how to open your sacral chakra and your heart chakra. It's a spiritual approach and practical solution to this opportunity to learn and grow. If you do give the chakra meditation videos a try, I recommend you do it at a time when you won't be disturbed, light candles or dim your lights, get comfortable, wear something special. Remember this is about getting in touch with you first. Once you accomplish that, others will respond.
It happened to me not so long ago. One thing with me is that sometimes it comes back when I am stressful or I don't get enough sleep. If it carries on it might be worth visiting the doctor.
I cant say ive been through anything similar, but when I get those negative repetative thought, i go to the gym... get exercise and naturally realize what it is i really like... Dont think with just your head. Experience life with your whole body!
