So, I'd like to talk about the term 'stone butch'. For those who don't know, a stone butch is described as 'a lesbian who does not liked to be touched sexually'. Obviously there are different 'levels' to this, from women who just don't like penetration, to women who also dislike oral stimulation and even find having their breasts touched uncomfortable. There are many reasons why someone would feel this way, some people argue women disliked to be touched sexually because they have experienced sexual trauma, others may be self-conscious, some feel it's emasculating, and others simply find the sensation uncomfortable. I'm a stone butch myself, and I've been trying to read-up on the topic, with little findings. Personally I just don't often find being touched sexually, pleasurable. I have no body conscious issues, no traumatic past, I just find the feeling of being penetrated physically uncomfortable. I have no real desire to be touched 'down there'. When I fantasise about sex, I'm always the one 'performing'. That's just how I like it. My girlfriend of five years found this hard to understand at first, she thought she was 'doing something wrong'. Which simply wasn't the case, it was my 'programming' not to like it! She has since become more open to the idea, that, that's just how I am. People ask 'how is sex pleasurabale for me?'. Well, I get pleasure from satisfying my partner. That's what gets me off! Is there anyone here that understands this? That feels the same? Is this common? How would you explain how you feel to a partner? Should I consider trying to change? Do people see this as being 'selfish'?
Wow crazy idea! This actually hits a little home to me. Obviously I am not Butch.. But in the past with men I've been uninterested in being pleased and instead find my pleasure in my Partner's pleasure. so I totally see where you are coming from. And you are right to want to choose yourself to let your partner touch you or not. But yes, I also see that being selfish. I think in a sexual relationship a maiority of lovers want the "whole package" of touch and be touched.. So it can really limit your partner to how high their satisfaction of your sexual relationship is. But totally see nothing wrong with being that way. Just make sure you are upfront about it asap.
Thanks for the reply, I definitely agree with being upfront about it. I'd be open from the start, as I was/am in my current relationship. I'm glad you see where I'm coming from and understand how I feel, and you're right, I should get to choose whether I'm touched or not, after all it it my body! Yes, that's my concern, many people would see this as 'half the package'. I don't want to deprive my girlfriend.
The way I see it: Your sexual comfort is more important than her desire to please you. You did the right thing and were upfront about it. Honestly I think its wrong for her to push you into something she knows you arent comfortable with. In my Mind thats even more selfish. So stick to what feels right to you. If you're intersted in trying it... Let her try once.. And tell her if its not your thing after that then to stop pushing you into it. Might be a fair way to solve it.
I dunno.... Seems to me you have a fear of losing control. I can see where your partner might feel disappointed.
It comforts me that you see it that way too, and gives me hope that others will understand also. My partner respects me and my preferences, and I'm lucky that she doesn't mind, now that she understands it more. I was very forward with her, and in the beginning of our relationship we experimented and I tried to 'like it', but I never found it pleasurable. I'm still open to trying, maybe one day I'll feel differently! But for now, this is just who I am Thank you for your support, it's greatly appreciated! ---------- Post added 29th Jun 2015 at 08:54 PM ---------- Thank you for your insight, I admit, 'not wanting to lose control' could be a contributing aspect. I don't feel comfortable giving someone that control, I don't feel at ease with the idea of someone touching me that way, to an extent that, I'm actually in PAIN when penetrated. It simply doesn't feel 'natural' to me. So, if it means that she'll be disappointed, then so be it. I'm afraid I won't put myself through that, to please somebody.
You know, after reading this again, if you just don't like penetration I think that might be different. I know a lot of lesbians that hate it. But there are other ways to be pleased like oral sex and fingers (at least in the external rubbing the clit way, not fingering)
Oooh! That could actually be an issue with what your nerves are recieving down there. You should talk to your gyno about it. Feeling pain when penetrated is not a normal feeling, and could probably be fixed. I'd definitely give the doctor a chance to help you.
