I know this question is a little immature, but I'm seriously wondering if I'm a virgin or not. When people ask me if I'm a virgin, I tell them that I'm not sure, but it's hard getting into detail with it. Does virginity get lost when the boy penetrates, or is it lost when the boy goes down on you. [Yeah, I'm a bottom boy].
Short answer: It's a matter of opinion, though it is generally accepted that virginity is associated with penetration. A virgin is most commonly seen as a person who has not engaged in sexual intercourse. In a stricter sense it is somebody who has not yet engaged in sexual activities (the wider this term is taken, the stricter the definition of virgin) So really, both penetration and oral sexual activity could lead to loss of virginity. But I think you'll find when a gay man asks another "are you a virgin?" They are usually referring to anal penetration (either being or doing).
That would be if you're a guy and they know you're gay. Most people asking that question of a straight guy would be asking if he has penetrated (a woman). If they were asking it of a straight woman, it would be about whether she had been penetrated (by a man). Which is why the concept of "virginity" is stupid in the extreme. Except maybe in the sense of "have you been sexually intimate with someone?" although even then different people have different ways of defining "sexually intimate."
In my opinion, loss of virginity involves penetration by a penis, either being the one penetrating or the one being penetrated, at least for guys.
Not all gay guys do anal sex though. Some of us do not particularly enjoy it and prefer other activities. I would say that I lost my virginity long before I had anal sex with anyone. This is why it is so difficult to define "virginity" for anyone other than heterosexuals. I would probably define it as not having had intimate sexual activity with someone, regardless of what that activity was. So jacking off a mate at school probably doesn't count but getting intimate with him in bed probably does. It's probably more of a state of mind really. Do you feel that you have had sex (of any sort) with someone in a way that makes you no longer a virgin? Does it really matter anyway? I could not easily say when I lost my virginity. Probably when I first had sex in bed with my partner, but then what about the stuff I did at boarding school with other boys? I regard virginity as irrelevant anyway. I would say though that having anal sex either way would make you not a virgin. I suppose you could answer that you are a "top virgin" but not a "bottom virgin" - but that's probably too much information for most people!
i agree with paul. what does it really matter if your a virgin or not. it dosnt change anything about you.
Well would you constitute being raped or molested? technically you didn't accept it but you still got penetrated or had 'sexual activity' even if it is unwanted. i think it counts but it's really a matter of opinion. persoinally though i never really think much of being a virgin or not for that matter. it's not really a solid definition so having a conversation about it is always confusining.
Oh wow, thank you for all your answers. Deciding on what you all said, something about if you feel like you had sex, then you're not a virgin. I don't feel as though I had sex due to the fact that we didn't "make love." So I don't feel that it's relevant enough to call sex--sexual activity, but not sex. It was just some shallow blowjob for him, and a very uncomfortable fingering for me. So I guess I'm still a virgin. And again, thank you for all of the answers. [:
Well in heterosexual sex usually the way I see it is that of course the first time the male and female have sex the male breaks the membrane on the female's...well you know. So in the case of homosexuals...the way I look at it is that whether your the penetrator or penetrated you both lost your virginity because the penetrator has broken then membrane (yes us guys do have one, after all it's called "popping our cherry") and in thte case of the penetrated, their membrane has been broken. Now don't hold me to this however, because of course in some aspects you may ask, "Well I was fingered or...fisted, wouldn't that break the membrane?" For that question my only answer is...I don't know lol. So really it is simply perspective.
The difficulty in virginity classification for homosexuals traces back to the etymology of the word. Virgin traces back to Old French "virgine" meaning "unmarried or chaste woman noted for religious piety and having a position of reverence in the Church" which comes from the Latin word "virginem" meaning "maiden, unwedded girl or woman". Considering the Church's (which would be the Catholic Church) stance on homosexuals a true comparison of gay virginity would be at best illogical.
You know that's a very good point. A virgin was an unmarried woman - and of course it was default that an unmarried woman hadn't had sex before. Oral sex and other forms of penetration weren't considered acceptable either. So in the day and age, the meaning of the word "virgin" was pretty clear. Nowadays it's quite ambiguous..
I've been fingered and I still consider myself a virgin. It's all a matter of opinion, just like lots of other people have said. =]
I agree with justjoshoh's post. Virgin has its origin with religion and was confined to women only and it meant being chaste and being a religious woman. Its use with men is actually a wrong usage as men were never considered to have to be chaste, etc. (male dominated society from way back, so sort of RHIP, rank has it privileges) So use of such terms today is a carryover and in my humble opinion really has no place in modern society.
