Hi, I'm new to these forums, but I decided to post here seeking advice because I'm so distraught. I haven't been physically intimate with anyone since I was inappropriately young. I'm now 30 years old and tired of being alone. The problem is that when I went through puberty, stretch marks covered my entire butt and the tops of my thighs. I'm not overweight: my BMI is well within the normal limit. Admittedly I do have thick thighs. But I'm so depressed about my stretch marks. I've only woken up to my sexuality in the last few years, and I would like to explore a relationship with a man. However, due to the severity of my stretch marks, the fact that I have moles and scars, and the reality that my penis is only a little over five inches long, I feel hopeless and worthless. I've been told by gay men and straight women that I'm handsome/beautiful with my clothes on, but I don't think anyone will ever accept me or love me because of my body.
Someone will love you for who you are, not just your physical attributes. I'm not sure what to do with the stretch marks, so I'll leave that for other members to comment on.
Don't worry! I have faint stretch marks either side of my privates - it looks like someone with purple nails got very angry down there a long time ago
Hey, I can relate. I'm 20 and have stretch marks all over my gut, thighs, ass, chest, etc. I look like a fucking tiger. If you want to deal with them, maybe try Shea butter. But stretch marks, even on guys with a normal BMI, are more common than you'd think and chances are your next partner will probably have stretch marks s/he is ashamed of.
I totally understand what you are feeling. One of my biggest gripes with the gay community is the epidemic level of shallowness. But, while it is really bad in the gay community, it is certainly influenced by the constant bombardment we get from the media telling us we aren't ___________ enough (thin, muscled, tan, tall, well endowed, what have you.). Shame is one of the most powerful motivators to get people to buy shit they don't need, and ad companies know this. The good news is, people are slowly becoming more aware of this, and while there are a lot of shallow gay men who are focused on appearance, there are a lot more who love people for who they are. You usually won't find these folks in clubs, bars, and the like... But there are plenty of them out there. And for those of us (which is, perhaps, 90% of the gay population) who don't meet the shallow beauty standards created and perpetuated by the media... That's a really good thing. I know I would much, much rather have a partner who is kind, loving, wholehearted, and thoughtful than one who is obsessed with his body and doesn't care about much else. And you will find someone who loves you for who you are, and who loves every part of you. Might be hard to believe, but I've been around long enough to see that it is actually pretty common... You just don't see those couples out in public as much because they are busy doing things they enjoy rather than spending their times among the shallow crowd.
I would give some serious thought to all of the responses that have been given so far. Just as the people who compliment you know nothing about how you feel about the scars beneath, you know nothing about what is beneath their clothes either. Stretch marks, specifically, are extremely common. It is also understandable, however, to want to improve the appearance of your skin and only last week I made an entire post about treating scars or blemishes last week so I will quote it below. Spoiler
^ This man speaks truth. I should also add onto my post that I've actually never done anything to get rid of my stretch marks. No butter, treatments, etc. I've had them since I was twelve and I'm a pretty heavy set guy so I figure even if I did, I'll never get rid of them all. My partner calls mine tiger stripes. But the kind of person who cares about whether or not you have stretch marks or some normal "imperfection" (whether it's moles, crows feet, etc) is the kind of person who you really don't need to bother with. Frankly, the shallow crowd should just stick with blow up dolls.
Thank you all for your replies; I especially appreciate your message, Chip. As is true of many, I have had quite a difficult life, and I just don't want to feel as if I am doomed to be alone forever. Perhaps ironically, I could care less if someone had stretch marks or any other type of blemish from head to toe—if I'm interested in someone it's because of who they are. My fear is having to go through years of rejection to find the one who thinks along similar lines to me, at least in that regard.
Believe me, I'm covered head to toe in stretch marks and there are literally dozens of men who've seen me naked that desperately want to put their hands on me. For the record I have yet to let them do so, but that's a story for another day.
timeforchange—To say "widely seen as beautiful or handsome" is a vast overstatement. I only meant that I have encountered several men and women in the last year or so who have, unbidden, used one or the other adjective to describe me. I'm sure there many, many people out there who would disagree with them. And I haven't been rejected because, out of paranoia, I never allow anything to get that far. Benway—I like your William S. Burroughs avatar. Thank you for sharing because it gives me hope.
I've yet to see a guy who doesn't have stretch marks, we all have them whether it's from weight gain/loss to lifting weights. IMO they're normal.
Yeah, strechmarks suck but theyre normal i have them on my shoulders and on my hips. I just grew very very fast and they fade over time but they are just another part of your body that make you different. Accept them.
I have found more real men out there than Shallow guys. I have been really surprised at how small a universe the shallow portion of the gay population actually is. Now, if your hanging out at a Gay nightclub, chances are the opposite will be true. But otherwise, I find more real men with depth, and those who really are not concerned about physical idiosyncrasies, than not. Just my experience.
I know this is a little off topic, but I would really like to thank you for posting this. So much is made on here about how shallow the gay community (particularly gay men) is, but that has never been my experience. I've probably encountered thousands of gay men over the past twenty some odd years and the vast majority of them have been decent people just trying to get through, find love or pleasure or whatever. They have jobs and friends and families. In my experience they are friendly, romantic, fiercely loyal, witty and fun. Sure there are some bad apples, but in my experience they're a very small minority. To be honest I've found that even in the nightclubs and the bars, those guys are for the most part decent, real people too. Perhaps the nightclub isn't the best place to find that out about them but that doesn't mean it's not there. As a whole gay men probably work out more than average, spend more on clothes than average, certainly spend more on skincare than average. But part of me wonders if that is because everyone keeps telling them that all the other guys out there are shallow. I wonder if we stopped having such weirdly low views of each other if we could all stop trying to live up to the insanely high expectations we think everyone else has. As far as the original post--lots of guys have stretch marks. I honestly don't think anyone will even notice.
Let me speak to you candidly as someone with similar insecurities. I have several large birthmarks, freckles all over my body, some very unsightly scars from difficult times in my life, and yes, lots of stretch marks. I have stretch marks on my butt, on my thighs, on the outsides of my breasts, on my lower back... I also have eczema, an auto-immune skin disorder, that makes some areas of my skin, like my upper arms, dry and bumpy. For a very long time, I've been self-conscious about all of these things. I hated my skin. But then I found my partner. The right person will fall in love with your body because they have fallen in love with you. They will want to kiss every mark, every imperfection. The right man will think that your stretch marks are the sexiest thing he has ever seen. He will rave about them. He will write poems to your stretch marks. He will want to get you naked and draw flowers on them. They will be his favorite thing about you. One of the first things my partner did was take off my clothes and use magic markers to turn all of my scars into adorable little monster faces. It was the cutest, most intimate, and most validating thing I have ever experienced. As for your penis size, I promise that is not an issue. I'm quite familiar with innies as well as outies, and I can tell you that you are pretty much the normal size. I've been with penis-havers much smaller than you and I was perfectly satisfied. It's not about size anyway. It's about how you use what you've got, and it's about intimacy, and it's about a beautiful exchange of trust. Relax. You have the body that you are meant to have, and it is the perfect body in the eyes of someone who cares about you.
