Hey EC, Lately I've been feeling down, depressed. Long story short, I have a mild form of autism and it has always bothered me, kept me from fully enjoying life as I want to. Now at age 20 I finally feel done, fed up with life. I feel like I am a burden to everyone, that I just am the third wheel. I've been thinking about death sometimes, not suicide, but the kind of thoughts that if I disn't see a bus when I was about to cross the street, I wouldn't back away and it would bring me a kind of relief even... I am already talking to someone about this, my parents know and my best friend knows too. For tbe last couple of days I am having a depressing episode again and I really want to tell my best friend how I feel. But I also want to ask him a question I am so afraid of asking, but I kinda want and even need the answer... "Would you mind if suddenly I wasn't here anymore" I know what that question implies, I know it is terrifying to even think about it, but he is my best friend and I need to hear how much he means to me (*hug*) Thing is, I am afraid to ask him, I hate negativitty and I don't want to be that person who is depressed all the time (which I am not, luckily). Does anyone have experience with depression? Anyone here ever asked a friend a similair question and if so, what was their response? EDIT: Sorry, I posted this in the wrong forum, I hope this can be moved to the appropriate section
I have experience with depression. I also used to self harm... My depression probably got better after four months, then it came back after another month. Not as strongly, but I hope it doesn't get worse. I've asked my girlfriend that, and her response was beautiful and it made me very happy.. However, I don't know how your friend will react, most likely nice though. There is at least somebody in the world who will care, who will notice if you're dead. Don't let them down. It will get better...at some point. And you'll wonder why you ever wanted to die.
I've had to say it to my best irl friend. That I was terrified and how much I would miss him if he went. I've also heard it to myself, yesterday at the latest... Please hold on, you. It feels dark but please, you're really valuable and I'm sure your friend loves you and that he would be in such a dark place himself if you died. Don't feel guilty if you are a little negative... I know that's easier said than done, believe me, but... Take care of yourself. Be safe. hugs
I feel your pain. I'm a chronic pain sufferer and for about a year I suffered particularly bad from depression. My therapist tried to ask me about suicide but I knew I wasn't suicidal, I just thought about death constantly in order to reassure myself. Self harming offered no relief to mental pain(thankfully), therapy didn't, distractions didn't and I think once I hit rock bottom it gradually got better. I still have spells where I feel like I'm suffocating the depression is so hard to cope with, but it has gotten better. I would definitely talk to a friend about it - I couldn't talk to my therapist because I felt because she didn't see me day in, day out she wouldn't understand. My mother knew when I was having bad thoughts and would reassure me that my life is worth something - all life is worth something in the end. I may not be able to work when I'm older, I may depend on the generosity of the government, hell - I may have few friends, but I am still worth something. We all bring something to the planet, despite our downfalls.
