Hey guys. Keith here. Soooo I'm FTM and my good friend (who's a guy but also trans and wants to transition to female) is really accepting of it. We dooo..sexual stuff sometimes xD I am bi and might remain bi after HRT, I just find males more attractive. TMI warning. Sorry xD So in sexual play, there's the issue of I have a chest and vagina. I tell him not to acknowledge those areas, so he rubs between my breasts to create the illusion that I have a flat chest. In my lower area, I told him to rub outside my pants or boxers. This is just stuff that makes me comfortable and doesn't give me huge dysphoria xD but sometimes when he gets really into it he'll grope my chest and finger penetrate. I suppose I shouldn't get too upset. It is gonna take a while for him to get used to.. but I was just wondering what I should do? Are there things you guys do? Have any advice?
In situations like this, there is no such thing as "too upset." How ever upset it makes you is the exact right amount. Your body is your own and nobody has the right to touch you in ways you have asked them not to. As for advice about what to do, it depends on how severe it gets and how bad it makes you feel. If you're generally enjoying what's going on and they just go a little bit too far, you can grab their hand (or other offending body part) and move it away from the "No Go" zones. If it happens again and again or it is otherwise obvious they are not getting the hint, move on to verbally explaining exactly where you do and do not want to be touched and explicitly state that it does not feel good when they do things you asked them not to. If it still continues to happen, get up and leave. Do not continue to have sex with someone who doesn't respect your bodily autonomy. Of course, you can always jump straight to the last part if that's what feels right to you. You can always revisit the issue and talk it out (with your clothes on!) later if you don't want to end the relationship entirely. But do not be afraid to make your needs and desires known and put respecting them as a pre-requisite to having sexy time with you! Also, since you mention that your partner/friend is considering a transition to female. With this in mind, it may be a good idea to ask if they have any body parts or activities that cause dysphoria. Not only is it a good idea to avoid accidentally triggering these feelings in them, but it may make it easier for them to relate to why groping and finger penetration feels so uncomfortable for you.
