He has gone off sex...

As relationships progress, it is common for the sex to cool off. Where initially the sex is spontaneous, adventurous and exciting, as a relationship matures, more effort may be needed to keep it just as spontaneous, adventurous and exciting.

Open discussion between you and your partner is a big part of keeping it exciting.

I would not be concerned about the age gap. I have a similarly wide age gap in my relationship, but where as I am the older one in the relationship, I have the higher sex drive and libido; and so it falls on me to keep our sex lives as robust as when we first met.

Other things also do come into play. You mentioned he has gained weight, and that he is stressed at work. Have you discussed the stress he is under? Is the stress at work a recent and developing? Stress can have a big impact.

Be open with him, given him the emotional support he needs to manage his stress. These are ways in which I would start in order to work through your concerns.

 

This is how relationships work.
In the beginning you're all like: "Omg, ur so cute lemme hug u sweetie! Kiss meh! Lets hav secs!"
Then after some time all you do is coming back home and start complaining about people at work.

 

Eeeeh, I don't know. This doesn't seem like your average relationship sex drought to me.

The way I see it, it's painfully obvious that your partner is dealing with something he is not sharing with you. His libido has dropped dramatically, he claims to be stressed all the time, he is putting up weight, he's becoming apathetic towards you, his insecurities are flaring; all of this sounds more symptomatic of a personal issue rather than an issue with the relationship itself. Maybe he is depressed, maybe he is having an early midlife crisis, maybe he is suffering from burnout. Whichever the case, I really don't think this is about you It's more likely that you are feeling the aftershocks of a problem he is not making you privy to (I think). Which brings me to my next point:

I'm gonna start sounding like a broken record around here, because I honestly think around 70% of the problems in a relationship (made up statistic is made up) stem from lack of communication. Communication, communication, communication. You can't fight the enemy you don't know, the only way I see this getting solved is if you get him open up to you (figuratively speaking, of course). Now, how do you that? Honestly, I don't have a clear answer. At the end of the day, you can't force him to talk about something he doesn't want to talk about. What you can do is encourage him to do so by reassuring him that you love him and whatever burden he is carrying will be easier to deal with if he let's you help him (or at the very least support him).

Don't make it a confrontation. Approach this as someone wanting to understand rather than a disgruntled lover. Reframe your inquiries from "Why aren't we having sex anymore?" to something more along the lines of "I feel something is wrong and I'm worried about you."

I can't guarantee you everything will be smooth sailing even if he does spills his guts to you, but at the very least you will be able to understand what he is dealing with and make an informed decision on how to proceed.

 

Oh sweetie, you should have led with that. Closeted guys are always a mixed bag, and more often than not come with some pretty hefty emotional baggage. I'm not saying this is something you guys can't overcome, but this was always going to be a difficult relationship (even more so than usual).

 

Only sex uh? Maybe he is developing/has developed impotence (erectile dysfunction) and he is too embarrassed about it to confide in you?

 

Oh dear, this is a nightmare.

Firs off, I don't like how he is snapping at you (as you describe it) while you are here asking for help and trying to understand his situation as best as you can (since he has been so uncooperative in that department). Not feeling like having sex is one thing, but belittling you and dismissing your needs so offhandedly is definitely uncalled for and not the kind of reaction I would like to receive from my partner of all people. Sex aside, I would certainly have a sit-down with him regarding the way he addresses you and your needs, he can decline your advances without making you feel like shit in the process.

Now back to the main topic, I've reached my limit of useful knowledge on this subject. He has you in a stalemate. In your situation (and this isn't advice, this is just me) I would be considering my options, and I would let him know it, because the way you have been describing all of this has painted a pretty clear picture in my head of a guy that's taking you for granted. If I were to guess (and that's all I've been doing really), he thinks he has you in his pocket, and rocking that boat might just be thing that will shake him from his complacency and finally compel him to meet you halfway. Or not. Either way, I wouldn't be as sure as you are that I would stay by his side forever and ever if this situation prolonged itself indefinitely.

 

Are you in an area that has lgbt friendly therapists? It might be really helpful to have a neutral third party involved. It doesn't sound all that different from what I hear from some of my straight friends. My husband and I went through a veritable drought for a while, but we eventually realized that if we didn't stop watching tv in the evening and talk and connect with each other (which usually now leads to sex) it wasn't ever going to happen. I don't know if that resonates at all, but we go to bed most nights around 9 right after our kids and a quick clean up so we have an hour before we are exhausted.