I have had three girlfriends in the past and five boyfriends, I never had sex with the. Boys because I have a fear of penetration because my mother sexually abused me in that way when I was a child. I'd like a boyfriend again but obviously I need to find how to have penetrative sex without freaking out and without it hurting. Any suggestions or am I simply doomed? I think I have vaginismus and too scared to tell my doctor. This is causing severe depression.
I'm very sorry about your unfortunate experience If you think you have Vaginismus then you SHOULD see your doctor. I know it's scary but they are here to help. Also I'd recommend talking to someone, in therapy, to help you move on from your ordeal.
Thanks xenaxgabby. Of course, I know you're right. It possibly means them looking down there which I feel would seriously re traumatise me, is it possible to just describe what happens when I try to penetrate (with a tampon for instance) and not have to be looked at? I'm on a waiting list to see a psychotherapist and specific sexual abuse counselling at a separate place. Scary though to think about talking about everything. This is really only some of the abuse I endured.
I can understand how upsetting, terrifying, and difficult it must be to think about working on this issue. First, give yourself credit for taking the huge first steps of arranging an appointment, and talking about it here. That's more important than you give yourself credit for. There's always a lot of shame associated with sexual abuse, it's tied up with very complicated feeilngs about your mother, so even taking the first steps is a big deal. Second, give yourself permission to feel scared, go slowly, and work through this a little at a time. A good therapist will totally understand this and won't push you. In time, though it may seem inconceivable now, you will be able to feel reasonably comfortable seeing a doctor, being examined... and even, most likely, being OK having vaginal sex. There's no rush on any of this, and you get to take it at the pace you want to, but with good therapy and time, you will be surprised at how different you will feel.
Thanks for your helpful advice. It gets me down. I feel alienated because of it. Sometimes not a bad thing I know but I have spent a long time isolated.
In making the appointment and finally talking about it you are breaking the chains of isolation and giving yourself a chance to recover and heal. Was the appointment for psychotherapy and sexual abuse counselling made through your GP? If your GP is aware of what you have been through it may better inform him/her when it comes to diagnosing vaginismus (or not). Vaginismus is often associated with an unpleasant sexual experience, including sexual abuse, so your GP needs to know about this in order to rule out a psychological cause. You can get through this.
Take a look at vaginismus.com. You can work on it in the privacy of your own home. Due to the abuse, you will make the most progress with therapy, though. It has a very high recovery rate. Very high.
Finding the right therapist you can open up to may be a hit or miss, but when you find one that you feel you can trust with all your secrets, then let them know all about your experiences, and your pain, and hopefully they show you some ways to overcome those fears. Wish you the best of luck
