1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Scared to have sex

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by thoughtbubble, Oct 10, 2015.

  1. thoughtbubble

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 3, 2012
    Messages:
    106
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    US
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Hello everyone, thanks for stopping by. I recently met a guy that I get along with. It is nothing serious just friends with benefits without the sex. He wants to go all the way and that is what caused me to realize I am scared to have sex. To be more specific, I am scared to get HIV. I know how irrational this sounds because the odds are very small (yes, protection is a MUST). This all stems from my ex. He cheated on me by sleeping with random men. He told me he did use protection (not for oral) but he still got HIV. I did have himself get tested when we first started and he was clean. Since we are not serious, he has probably slept with other people in the meantime. I don't really know what I'm hoping ill read in the response section; I just needed to vent. Any advice/comments are appreciated.
     
  2. TheBiBoy

    TheBiBoy Guest

    Joined:
    Sep 27, 2015
    Messages:
    212
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Not Specified
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    I am not an expert in this but I will voice what I learned elsewhere.Protection usually keeps these risks away but they are not 100% perfect.Yiu may know this already or you may not want to hear it but a condom isn't safe if it isn't the right size or if it is weak.Also if the lubricant was oil based this eats away at the rubber.So get water based.Also a good brand would help.

    I know the best way to prevent STDs is to not have sex and pleasure yourselves by other means but I know your boyfriend wants to have sex.Did you try to talk to him about it?An did you tell him your fears? Also I think it would be helpful I you talk to a doctor and get the best tips to prevent stds and he may also tell you the dangers of each sexually transmitted disease. This may or may not be reassuring to go to the doctor but if I was in your shoes I would phone up the doctor and enquire.

    Make sure the condom fits without too much stretching an it should be fine.But the condom must also not be too loose that it slips off so holding it while on the way out could be helpful.This is my insight from what I learned on other websites.I know I am only 16 and you mightn't want to hear this from someone that is under the age of consent but I have been curious and searched on the internet and just expressing what I learned.I would love to have sex but too young!

    Best Regards and good luck,
    TheBiBoy
     
    #2 TheBiBoy, Oct 10, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2015
  3. SiennaFire

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 23, 2015
    Messages:
    2,161
    Likes Received:
    246
    Location:
    Boston
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    HIV is a genuine health concern for gay men. I'm glad that you are getting informed.

    The use of condoms during anal sex is a very important strategy for safer sex and preventing the transmission of HIV. Another option is PrEP - a daily pill that can help protect you from HIV. You may want to see your doctor or local health clinic to get details.

    The odds of getting HIV from unprotected oral are very small.

    Even though your ex tested negative initially, you need to understand that HIV antibody tests detect exposure to the HIV virus within a certain window. Rapid tests generally detect antibodies 8 weeks after exposure while blood tests detect antibodies 2 weeks after exposure. This can vary by location and lab, so you will want to see your doctor or local health clinic to get the specifics. So depending on the test, it's possible that he was exposed to HIV before you started dating but hadn't developed detectable antibodies.

    I hope you didn't have unprotected sex with your ex.

    Be safe
     
    #3 SiennaFire, Oct 10, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 10, 2015
  4. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,934
    Likes Received:
    632
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I don't mean to sound crass, but HIV and other STD's are all an "occupational hazard" if you will. Like all occupational hazards, there are ways to mitigate the risks. Using various forms of protection as others discussed above do just that. And like other occupational hazards, does the risk mean people just stand by and stop doing or don't even start their work? No, because if that was the case, nothing would get done.

    Use common sense, be safe, but recognize just about everything you do has some form of occupational hazard associated with it; it means you continue with your life nonetheless.
     
    #4 OnTheHighway, Oct 11, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 11, 2015