I am new to all this so if anything sounds stupid let me know. I met this guy online everything about him is great except he told me that he is undetectable . I am not sure if I want to meet him. I do realize that chances of contacting it are very slim. However I have obsessive compulsive disorder so I think I would be worried all the time. its not his issue its mine. This guy is great except for that. I dont know what to do. He said hes heard it all before but I feel like the bad guy here.
You are under no obligation to be dating him if you feel uncomfortable, you cannot feel guilty about that. That being said, if he is a great guy in all other respects, the best you can do is inform yourself as much as you can on the risks, and, as you state they are quite slim with all due precautions taken. With that taken care of, try to see the person and not the disease, he is not his disease, and you might be missing a great opportunity to meet someone worth meeting. In a weird sense, I would feel safer, because his status is known and he is taking care of himself, I am far less comfortable with a guy who is less than careful about regular testing, etc.
well there are several problems. First I am extremly picky so when a guy comes along who has everything im looking for but he is undetectable it makes me think why cant i get past this. I know you said you would feel safer but im an excessive worrier . I am attracted to him but if i am going to be sick with worry all the time its probably not a good thing. However what if hes the guy im supposed to be with. Then id be making myself miserable by not being with him due to my anxiety. Either way is bad , right ?
Any harm and having a coffee with him in the first instance? Your not getting engaged tomorrow........
OtH makes a very valid point, you are just dating, and rule number one of dating is that there are no commitments. You should not fear that if you are dating him you are giving him excessive hope, you both will have hopes but nothing more. If you really can't get past this, after you've gotten to know him better, just be honest with him and move on. Dating him (and he is dating you too!) is only offering to open the door a little to the possibility of something more; no more, no less.
