1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Should I have my first gay sexual experience with this man?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by NotQuiteANerd97, Oct 30, 2015.

Thread Tools

Thread Tools

  1. NotQuiteANerd97

    NotQuiteANerd97
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 30, 2015
    Messages:
    57
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Phoenix
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm an 18 year old bisexual guy, and few weeks ago, a man messaged me on ****** asking if I want to experiment with him and have my first experience with a male. He's 31, lives nearby, and he's very sweet and understanding. He says that he has no business making me do anything I don't want to. We feel comfortable talking to each other and he only wants me to have sex with him if I feel comfortable. He's willing to engage in any sex act I want to experiment with. And He doesn't want it to be a stop, fuck, and leave thing. He wants to talk and make it an opportunity to hang together too. We've shown each other pictures and have chatted for awhile now. We get along quite well. He's a sane guy, doesn't do drugs, and he's disease free. Should I come over to his house and have sex with him?
     
    #1 NotQuiteANerd97, Oct 30, 2015
  2. imnotreallysure

    imnotreallysure Guest

    Joined:
    Dec 27, 2013
    Messages:
    2,937
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Leeds, UK
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Setting aside what I would do, and instead focusing on what you probably should do.. going to a stranger's house without meeting them prior, isn't the most sensible thing to do - you have no idea who you're meeting, or what you're getting yourself into. The best thing to do, would be to meet them in a public setting first.. to at least get a general idea of what they're like. Sometimes your instinct is right, and if a particular person doesn't sit right with you or sends out bad vibes, it would be best to leave.

    But, my approach to life is that most people don't have ulterior motives, and don't want to hurt you - and most people on these websites are looking for the same thing you are. I've done it, more than once, and I haven't been butchered or drugged - but going somewhere public first, like a bar, is still a nice pleasantry.
     
    #2 imnotreallysure, Oct 30, 2015
    Last edited: Oct 30, 2015
  3. Aspen

    Aspen
    Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    Jun 20, 2014
    Messages:
    1,471
    Likes Received:
    239
    Location:
    Ohio
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I agree, there's only so much that sharing pictures and chatting online can tell you about a person. If you really want to meet him, do it somewhere public first. Hang out with him once or twice. If you still feel good about it and are interested in experimenting with him, then you can consider it.
     
    #3 Aspen, Oct 30, 2015
  4. QueerTransEnby

    QueerTransEnby
    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 15, 2014
    Messages:
    3,708
    Likes Received:
    7
    Location:
    Michigan, USA
    Gender:
    Genderqueer
    Gender Pronoun:
    They
    Sexual Orientation:
    Other
    Out Status:
    Some people
    I agree with imnotreallysure. Meet in public first. I met my ex on a very popular hookup site, but we both wanted more. So, I made it into a date. I wanted to meet at the Starbucks inside Target, but he asked if I could meet at Big Lots instead. I could tell right off the bat that he was harmless. After talking while shopping, I felt safe enough to have him ride in my car(he had been dropped off). We broke up, but that was due to other reasons.

    If it were me, I would want to meet someone my own age though, but that is your choice.
     
    #4 QueerTransEnby, Oct 31, 2015
  5. AKTodd

    AKTodd
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 9, 2013
    Messages:
    3,190
    Likes Received:
    4
    Location:
    Norfolk, VA
    Agree with what others have said about meeting in a public place first and going with your gut if anything feels off or you don't want to continue.

    Beyond that, bring your own condoms. Someone saying they are 'disease free' only means that their last test showed them to be disease free, not that they are disease free right now (or even when they read their test results).

    Be safe and have fun,

    Todd
     
    #5 AKTodd, Oct 31, 2015
  6. Chip

    Chip
    Board Member Admin Team Advisor Full Member

    Joined:
    May 9, 2008
    Messages:
    16,560
    Likes Received:
    4,757
    Location:
    northern CA
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    Here's a different viewpoint: Do you really want your first experience to be with someone who is close to twice your age? There are definitely pros and cons, but one thing to consider is that with near 100% confidence, I can say that he's going to view this as a "trophy" experience ("I got to bang an 18 year old and take his cherry")

    If you don't place any value in your first experience then I guess it could be as good as any other. But there are an awful lot of people here who have done similar things and very few of them have, after the fact, felt it was a positive experience.

    The other thing to consider is... the power dynamic. This is someone with (presumably) a lot of experience so he could totally feed you a load of crap as far as what's "normal and appropriate", and with the age difference, that's going to play into your confidence level so it might be harder to say no.

    I'm not absolutely saying don't do it, but if it were me... I'd find someone closer to my own age, and perhaps someone who is similarly inexperienced so that you can both experience things together in a more balanced way.
     
    #6 Chip, Oct 31, 2015
  7. Secrets5

    Secrets5
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2015
    Messages:
    1,964
    Likes Received:
    77
    Location:
    UK
    Gender:
    Female
    Gender Pronoun:
    She
    Sexual Orientation:
    Bisexual
    Out Status:
    A few people
    Hello,

    One thing I'd add onto meeting the person in public first, is maybe bring a friend as well that can just be a look out to make sure he's not going to take advantage of you or anything.
     
    #7 Secrets5, Oct 31, 2015
  8. BookWriter1994

    BookWriter1994
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 28, 2014
    Messages:
    644
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    It Doesn't Snow Here :P
    Gender:
    Female
    I agree with what everyone on here is saying. To be honest if I was you(But I wouldn't do it with someone like 31 tho) I would want to meet in a public place first and get to know him in person. Maybe after like a month or two THEN you can go and meet him in his house or something...

    Just be careful and safe people online can get crazy
     
    #8 BookWriter1994, Oct 31, 2015
  9. headsup1958

    headsup1958
    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 5, 2015
    Messages:
    99
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Fort Myers, Florida USA
    Love is Love. It shouldn't matter about gender

    I agree with this. I'm a gay man and my mantra is: I love who I love, I love the person, and the plumbing is incidental.
     
    #9 headsup1958, Dec 11, 2015
  10. Mikelhpc228

    Mikelhpc228
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Nov 23, 2015
    Messages:
    102
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Cambridge, MA
    Gender:
    Male
    HI,
    I agree with the Posts, do meet publicly first. Let a friend know where you will be meeting, and set a time limit. People are not always as they present themselves on line. This man may have the best of intentions, but he is nearly twice your age, which concerns me. I'd approach this cautiously, like QUietstarlight9 is suggesting wait a month or so, get to know the person. If he is sincere, he will respect your need to wait. If you feel pressured-there's your answer. As you are hearing, proceed carefully, and use your best judgement. Good Luck.
     
    #10 Mikelhpc228, Dec 11, 2015
(You must log in or sign up to post here.)