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Lesbian vaginal ultrasound struggles - I need some support!

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by CampGirl, Dec 2, 2015.

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  1. CampGirl

    CampGirl
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    I feel like I can't find people to talk to, so hopefully someone here can listen and maybe even respond with something encouraging/comforting. Gyno visits scare me. I've never had a good experience. I tried my family doctor twice and vowed never to go again. I finally broke down about two weeks ago and went to an actual obgyn because my vagina/uterus runs my life (bad periods). She was actually nice and it wasn't painful like my family doctor experience. BUT, she sent me for a transvaginal ultrasound, which turned out to be a very traumatic experience. I feel like I need to talk to other gay women to see if I'm just nuts or if other women out there share similar feelings.

    I feel like my private parts are indeed private. I decide who touches them and who sees them. It's difficult to let a gynecologist look and touch, but I can get over that hump. The ultrasound, though, was beyond horrendous. The woman completely freaked me out because I didn't know I'd have to talk to her about my vagina (i thought it would be quick like a pap smear without discussion). I cried my way through the abdominal ultrasound. She finished and I felt completely grossed out by the lube all over my stomach. She tossed a towel onto me and told me to clean it up. I felt like a man had just jizzed all over me and left me with it. Then she started talking about me taking off my pants, which I wasn't ready to hear. ...i didn't have a chance to tell her how nervous I was. The more she talked about it, the more scared and nervous I became. I STRUGGLED with knowing that she was about to jam a giant fake penis inside of me. Yes, I know it's an ultrasound wand, but it looked like a condom covered penis. She asked if I wanted to put it in, but I said no because I was grossed out, panicked, and didn't want to touch the thing. So, she put it in and it hurt. I kept saying "oh my God" and crawling away because of the pop of pain, then I tried to lay still. I was twisting and writhing the whole time, clenching onto my girlfriend's arm. I don't know how I didn't rip her arm off. But every time the technition moved that thing inside me, it hurt.

    I cried the whole way home and immediately took a shower. I felt so violated, even though I know it was a medical necessity. For the rest of the day, night, and following day, I had to pee about every five minutes. My abdomen swelled up so much that my mom said I looked five months pregnant. I was very, very sore. I didn't sleep for two nights because I was so upset and in pain, freaked out by everything that has happened. I felt like I lost an intimate part of my body...like something I once respected and held very personal no longer mattered.

    Looking back, I regret not trying to find some kind of lgbt place. Everyone rolls their eyes at me when I talk about not wanting the fake penis inside of me, but aren't there other gay women out there who feel the same way? Or am I just weird and crazy? Is there such thing as lgbt specific gynecology? ...doctors who understand how lesbians feel about a phallic instrument being jammed inside of them. It's been over a week and I'm still sore. I feel like I lost a fight with a billygoat and still get an occasional shooting pain. ...which I never experienced before this vaginal ultrasound. And whenever I try to talk about it, people just roll their eyes.

    Has anyone else out there felt this way? How do you mentally prepare for these things? How do you handle it afterwards? Yes, I know this isn't fun for straight women either, but I feel like an invading penis is probably different for them.
     
    #1 CampGirl, Dec 2, 2015
  2. mobrien1993

    mobrien1993
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    I've never actually had one done...my obgyn suggested it and sent me in to get one done and I walked in and right back out. I completely agree with the whole private parts being private because I feel the same way. I refused the ultrasound for that reason as well as not wanting a fake penis inside me...I know a lot of people don't understand that part or can relate so I guess it just depends on the person. As far as just a regular ultrasound after that's done I'm fine with those. As far as preparing for that I just look at it as something I will have to go through one day when I'm pregnant and getting ready to have a baby, that makes me a little more comfortable with it since I do want to have kids in the future so if you're like me and would like to be pregnant one day you can kinda look at it as preparing for something that may happen in the future
     
    #2 mobrien1993, Dec 2, 2015
  3. The Escapist

    The Escapist
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    I'd actually be interested in hearing people's tips on this as well. I am so sorry you had to go through that experience, doctors can be scary when things go wrong at them. (*hug*)

    I don't think I've personally heard other lesbian women feeling this way in particular because it's seen as strictly a health ordeal, maybe it's just a personal thing? I've been slowly getting my life back together this year and I'm wanting to get started going to regular doctor appointments for my health, and I have been considering this one in a similiar manner as you. As someone on the asexual spectrum, who is also pretty sex-repulsed (though sex-positive in general of course), I am worried if I'll be able to do this one. At the very least I'll have to prepare for awhile.

    I hope you feel better, and maybe try to make sure you find a caring doctor you can express these concerns with as you go along next time, and one who will take everything you feel into account and work with you in a more gentle way. It doesn't sound like it should have hurt like that. I haven't heard of any LGBT+ focused gynos, but that would be great if there's any way to tell which ones are more understanding of people's mental struggles with this issue. I would expect many people do struggle going for many reasons though. Maybe those with a past that involved sexual abuse, or ftm people who aren't comfortable with that part of their body.
     
    #3 The Escapist, Dec 2, 2015
  4. Distant Echo

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    I've never had that kind of ultrasound done and simply wouldn't. I've had lots of regular ultrasounds, and they don't bother me. A bit. But internal exams freak me the shit out and I changed doctors after having one doctor perform them every time I went in for a checkup when I was pregnant with one of my kids.
    The technician should have been aware of your fear and acknowledged it. I would put in a complaint tbh.
     
    #4 Distant Echo, Dec 2, 2015
  5. Open Arms

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    I had to go through this more than once due to a health issue. First off, you can ask for a female technician to do this. You can also ask for the smallest instrument available and lots of lubricant. It helps if you can relax of course and not think of it as a giant fake penis, which it isn't.

    Remember these health professionals do this all day long. It's just a job to them, not a sexual experience. The older you get, the more your body has to go through and the tougher you'll get. It does get easier.
     
    #5 Open Arms, Dec 3, 2015
  6. idsm

    idsm
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    Medical examinations are often frustrating, embarrassing and even a bit violating. But they are there for a reason. They do save lives. Please, please, please, all of you girls, do not refuse to take an examination just because they are uncomfortable. Try to find the right professionals instead. The technician was indeed awful and very inconsiderate. She should have been gentle and caring. Talking to you and comforting you through the procedure. You should also have vocalized your concerns and your disgust for penetration. I suppose that you are sore because you have never been penetrated before in addition to her being rough. Talk with you doctor about it and seek LGBT familiar professionals (I would probably ask my local LGBT organization)

    Hope you get better soon. (*hug*)
     
    #6 idsm, Dec 3, 2015
    Last edited: Dec 3, 2015
  7. BiKate

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    I nearly had one to see what was going on with me, but I hadn't had a pap smear yet at the stage. I was all cool to get it done if I needed but the nurse freaked out and was all nervous about doing it so I told her not to worry about it...

    I never really thought about the whole lesbian thing though. I don't really feel comfortable with people all up in my vagina but when it comes to health, I find I'm able to relax and let them do what they need. Although after the pap smear, although it didn't hurt, I felt kind of weird and uncomfortable about it for days after, and I'm bi.

    I agree with what everyone else said. And I'd try and get more comfortable with your own body. This might not be good advice for you but I think it would work for me: Touch yourself, get to know it all, buy a small dildo (that looks the least like a penis) and lube and get to the stage where you can practice putting it in your vagina yourself, not as a sexual thing (though that would be completely ok), but as a practice run for future health related stuff. I dunno, might not be something that would work for you. I just know for me I'd feel way more comfortable in the future if I had done it myself.
     
    #7 BiKate, Dec 3, 2015
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