Right, so to start of my gut feeling is to not share this. But I'm going to anyway, because I no I can't really get help elsewhere. So here goes: Right so when I was like mabye 12 I used to "experiment" with my cousins who were younger than me. They weren't my biological cousins just family friends children. This happen at night, usually. This used to happen when they would sleep over sometimes. I still do this sometimes, and u ask them if they like and they say "yes" usually. (This is one person btw, I'm just saying "they" cuz I'm used to talking like that in rl.) as a kid, I didn't think too much of it, but now that I'm 14 I'm starting to see that this isn't a good idea since he's like 8 years old. (Ew, I know, embarrassed of my self ) I have urges to do it though, but I don't think it would be fair to take it out on an innocent kid. I don't know how to stop. I hate my self for it. I think I'm turning into a wierdo.... So, if you have similar problems, just leave a post telling my how you deal with , and if you have any tips on how to get over this creepy attraction I have that would be just fine thx, Beastwith2backs.
Ok. I'm going to be blunt. No this is not ok. You have to stop. Simply stop. Completely. Stay away from them when they stay. This is wrong, no two ways about it.
I don't want to scare you, but since you are in Canada, over 12 years of age and the age gap between you and your cousin is more than 2 yrs. you could actually be charged with molesting this boy. A boy that age can not legally give consent to sex acts. In fact, he could even bring a court case against you in the future when he's older and understands the damage you've done. I know you were experimenting and it became a habit, but you MUST break this habit. If you can't, go for counselling. Also, some people remain sexually oriented to children, which is pretty scary, so it really is nothing to fool around with. Thanks for being honest about this. I found this on the internet to help you understand what I'm saying: “There’s some confusion in the general public that if it’s a minor on minor incident that it’s not a crime, but that’s not the case,” says Dr. Jacqueline Linder, the clinical director of the Be Brave Ranch, a child sexual abuse treatment centre in Edmonton. Criminal charges can also be brought against minors, particularly if there is an age gap between the offender and victim, but not against children under 12. Even civil judges have been wary of awarding punitive damages because offenders were minors at the time, Grace adds.
Relax, I'm not a pedo, I didn't mean to hurt anyone...but yeah I should stop...:icon_sad: ---------- Post added 14th Dec 2015 at 07:26 AM ---------- Am I a bad person or Smthn now?
I wouldn't say that what you did makes you a 'bad person'. It seems like you were quite young at the time and didn't know that it was wrong, and it's a good thing that you've had reservations about it and realize the issues involved. However you have to make sure that it never happens again for the sake of your cousin. As others have said, he is too young to give consent or maturely understand what has happened between you, and you could cause significant psychological or physical damage if you continue. I don't think you're a bad person, just someone who's been misguided for a long time. Just make sure to never do what you've done again.
You're not being branded as a pedo But I think what the posters above are saying is that if what you did will be blabbed by your "cousins" to their parents then that might be a problem. I believe it WILL be a problem.
You must get help, for your sake, and his. You mention that he *usually* consents, but the issue is... he can't. There is no consent in the interactions you're describing. He's too young. No matter what he says, or asks you to do, or seems to want, it's not okay. You need to stop. Strategies you can use: Sleep in a different room. If anyone questions this, use the excuse of being 14 and uncomfortable sharing your space with an 8 year old. That won't sound weird to anyone. Make plans to sleep over at a friends house when your cousin is in town. Remove yourself from the equation. Seek counseling. Be aware that revealing ongoing abuse (that's what this is) requires intervention to protect the 8-year-old. You may want to focus on the conflicting emotions you are experiencing in terms of your own sexual identity. Join an LGBTQIA+ support group in your local area. It's good that you're seeking support here. Your post indicates clearly that you already know this is wrong, and you want to stop. That's a good start, but you NEED to follow through and ensure you DO stop.
I see you're trying to help, and yes I do realize that it is a problem, but I can't do any of the stuff you recommend for the following reasons: I can't sleep at someone else's room because I'm the only boy in my family, and in my religion/culture once you're ten years old, you can't share a room with someone of the opposite sex( we're Muslim). I can't sleep at a friends house because,well, I have no friends:roflmao::roflmao: I can't seek counselling because I CAN'T talk to my parents about this, and lots of complicated reasons. I can't join an LGBTQIA group because I'm not out, my parents are homophobic, and I don't know of any in my area.. Thanks for the advice doh! At least you tried helping me, but you kinda made some assumptions about me, I feel. It's all good though.:icon_bigg:icon_bigg
Hey beastwith2backs- listen to these posters, and listen to yourself! this behavior is wrong an 8 yr old cannot grant consent. You might get into serious trouble should someone in his or your family finds out. How would your "Homophobic" dad react, if he caught you in the act? Would he turn you into the authorities, or do something worse? There are LBTQ resources in your area, you found EC, look around, do your homework, find a person you can trust. Good luck. Let us know
We're not saying you're a pedophile or trying to be mean. We just want to make sure you understand that in Canada, the USA, UK and many other places, doing something sexual with a younger person once you are over the age of 12 is a crime and also could be very damaging to that younger person. I know it feels like we're ganging up on you which is a terrible feeling. Actually, we're trying to be protective of you and the littler ones. You were very brave to come on here and tell us this. Good for you. You know your younger cousins want to look up to you and admire you, so you be their hero and protect them. If they ask, tell them you aren't playing those sex games any more. You're starting to become a man now and need to make more wise decisions and take responsibility for your actions. All the best. (&&&)
It might be worth being more specific about your age at the time this last happened as reading the first post you said this happened around 12 which is the black and white line here... Also without being graphic could you say what you mean by experimentation, it might help us to clear up...
@mikelhoc228: surely, you must really think talking to someone in real life about things like this is easy, don't you, huh? Also, why is "homophobic" in quotes, and why are you only referring to my dad( who I don't live with which is ironic, but I digress.) @ open arms: I'm don't feel like that. Yeah, I know brave, isn't it? I should be taking responsibility of my actions, but I'm not sure what to do, which is why I made this thread, anyways... @klix: i'm not about to give specific information, that's just too embarrassing. How would that help anyway? ---------- Post added 14th Dec 2015 at 10:15 PM ---------- @klix: if you can read the sidebar it says I'm 14, which I am...
I'm sorry for making assumptions... I didn't mean to. Mostly, I wanted to provide you with strategies that might help you avoid the situation you are in. I want to help... not judge. I think it's a good thing you've reached out here. As a 14 year old, you go to school. You have teachers. Perhaps one of them can be a safe place? Most schools will provide you with counseling, and will keep it confidential. Also, there are counselors available at public health clinics in most urban centers in Ontario, and all counseling is confidential there as well. It's important that you get the help you need! If in-person resources aren't feasible, can you contact a help-line when your cousin is staying over? Lesbian Gay Bi Trans Youth Line is toll free resource in your area. You don't have to face this alone, but you have to face this. How else can we help?
Yeah, you're right I should seek counselling, but how? By confidential you mean they won't tell anybody?, I just have a general distrust of things like that, cuz what if they do tell someone? That's my only problem with that, otherwise, seems like a good idea.
Your profile lists you as living in Toronto, and there are many excellent resources there. Here's one that you might find helpful: One-on-one Support | Access Alliance. If you're worried about confidentiality, you can call first, and ask questions about their policies around confidentiality.
