I'm 99% sure that I'm bisexual rather than being exclusively straight or gay. Growing up, I had powerful attractions to women that were intense to the point of being nearly overwhelming at times..... so I really couldn't possibly be "gay" I wouldn't think. I kind of saw certain parts of the female body as unfamiliar, alien, and kind of unknown in a way, but I really found myself extremely turned on by and attracted to women and femininity. The things I wasn't familiar with/used to I found extremely and intensely erotic once I had more familiarity with it. I would spend a lot of time trying to get women to be interested in me. I also had crushes on a lot of different girls. There was only one time I ever had sex, and it went...... kind of strange. I was very drunk, and I hooked up with some girl from a bar who was also very drunk. We had a conversation that I do not remember.... I was completely blacked out drunk at the time and so was she. Then, we were making out and out of nowhere she bit down on my tongue as hard as she could...... to the point that it bled and made me reel back in pain for a moment. This kind of put me off, but she was still wanting it bad.... so I figured I may as well take the opportunity to have sex for the first time..... even though I was put off by the random chomping of my tongue. I also was a bit hesitant about the idea of hooking up with a total stranger that I don't know if I knew her name or anything even. So, when I get back to my place with her..... the whole thing was good but also weird and awkward. I went down on her and enjoyed it a lot, and I was into the whole experience. She said I was also extremely good at it.... which is probably part of the reason why she called me back later on. However, I somehow was not getting much of a boner. I put it up to the drunkenness at the time. Then in the morning, at points I was getting turned on by the idea of having sex with her and getting excited. Then, when we would actually go to have sex..... I'd end up losing my boner. I was still kind of uncomfortable with the idea of being with someone I didn't even know. However, I really wanted to take things further with this girl. Anyways, she didn't seem interested. Then, I got a text a while later that she wanted to hook up with me again.... unfortunately I was incredibly high at the time and missed the text. After this, it had me wondering why the hell I lost my wood. I have no problems getting off on my own. I know that I've been attracted to women. To be honest, I wasn't even into any guys at all until I got into my 20s. So, it wouldn't seem like gayness would be the cause of what happened...... or would it? I don't know, it was just weird. I also had sex another time before this, but I don't even really know what happened. I was completely blacked out when it happened, so I have no memory of it at all. I just was essentially told about what happened..... which gave me a very fragmented memory that barely even exists of me and her making out in the woods and doing some stuff. We were both extremely messed up. I drank a whole case of beer and she was on ecstasy. She seemed to remember me in a fond way over a year later..... but I only vaguely remembered her and didn't know her name or where I knew her from. Then, she just kind of answered the party and I was kind of confused but when she said stuff I sort of remembered it just a little bit. I don't remember the situation.... or even know for sure if anything happened..... it's just really fragmented and weird...... but I'm imagining that I didn't have those problems then, because she remembered me in such a fond way. The day after it happened, I didn't really even remember. I just knew I kind of blacked out for a while, and I woke up at like 1 in the afternoon and everything was still spinning and I was still drunk as fuck..... It was insane, like I stopped drinking like 3-4 AM and I didn't really sober up until like 2 the next day!
