what do you think of teen and older men hook ups?

At my age I could not imagine doing anything with a teenager, it just feels so wrong on so many levels. On dating sites (and even a few times at gay bars) I would have guys my dad's age hitting on me and that's just creepy as hell.

If you're into older guys, I have no judgement. Do what makes you happy but the difference in maturity and experience (not to mention the difference in how your brain thinks at different ages) is staggering. I would advise against it.

 

I guess the sensible, and responsible, thing to say is 'bad idea' - but I'd be a hypocrite because I hooked up with older guys when I was 17 and I never regretted it. It's ultimately your decision, but I'd exercise caution.. a few older guys will try to take advantage of you. They might 'fetishize' you. It might be hard to be assertive if you're naturally passive. Considering your location, I'm going to assume the vast majority of gay guys are deeply closeted, and they might respond aggressively depending on the circumstances - or at least, this is what I've been told by gay people living in the Middle East (Turkey included).

 

I think every situation has to be decided on it's own merit. a) legality - age of consent. b) respect - does each party respect the other? c) wants - what does each participant want / need from the relationship.

The situation that did Alan Turing in with Turing being ~40 and his partner being ~19, is this what the post is about? I think so. Turings relationship appears to be purely sexual in nature - fact check needed.

In the movie Beginners the younger gay man gets a father figure in the older gay man. Something the younger gay man never had.

Beginners (2010) - IMDb

I've read accounts that the older gay man gets someone to nurture - it's not beyond older gay men to want to care and love someone.

As with any relationship there are pluses and minuses. (I've had girlfriends where I felt I needed to chew off my arm to get away from the bitch.)

I had a roommate for about a year. He was half my age. He didn't know how to cook. So over beer, he got cooking lesson from someone who is actually pretty good at it - me. Benefit: he acquired basic cooking skills, I got beer.

Since I'm more of an optimist than not, I'd say go for it, but proceed with caution.

And don't let those two societal dragons, "judge" and "condemn" get the best of you.

 

I agree with Chip.

 

Well, I've hooked up with older men as well, and my experiences have been okay. I don't regret them though.

But relationship wise, I cannot see myself in a relationship with a man that is much older than me, whereas before I couldn't imagine myself with a guy my age, but the tables have turned! Your interests and similarities align on so many more levels! And you both get to grow together.

I understand that Chip has his own set of ideas, and he's made that clear. While I also agree that it is not a good idea, if you told me what chip has said, it would make me feel HELLA guilty for being myself.

Educate yourself, make a decision, and go from there.

 

My take to the quote above. Sounds pessimistic.

My take. Per my very limited knowledge in this subject, I do agree mixing sex with other relationship parameters can complicate things. It did for me with girl friends. But it does not have to. (more fact check needed on my part)

I saw a documentary about a year ago where older men link up with and sponsor younger women. Sorry cannot remember the name of the documentary. Part of the relationship was sexual. The men helped the younger women - college, career counseling, mentoring. The women helped the older men feel young again. Both sides had something for the other.

Being the devils advocate. Why is it better all round? I will not give the age difference between my grandparents on this public, searchable wall, but it was significant and they lived a healthy live together.

Disclaimer: Before people tar and feather me, I'm trying to be objective and non judgmental and non condemning.

 

After sleeping on this subject I understand more clearly what I am trying to say - see my previous message.

I refuse to apply the same processes, judge and condemn, that were applied to me when I was a teen, condemning me for being gay, to major age difference relationships. I just wished society, friends, family had let me find my own innate me, way back then.

My knowledge comes from reading psychology books and white papers. I do not have any real life experiences or data on this subject. So I'm at a handicap, for I have no street knowledge on this subject.

Later

 

If it's just a hook up- age is just a number, as long as everyone is of consenting age of course. Just be careful and make sure you're not doing it for the wrong reasons.

 

Yep one of my pit falls is pondering the non popular / socially correct side(s). I'm going out on a limb again.

There are many different types of sexual relationships and reasons for sexual relationships. One should not apply rules for one type of relationship to another type of relationship - basically judging and condemning to "control" a situation.

With reference to Spartan's quoted material above. It was the LACK OF MATURITY and/or emotional maturity by my 13, 14 year old peers (I was the same age) that altered my life for a very long time. Basically judging and condemning me for something I knew absolutely nothing about at the time - that I was gay.

Short of experiencing death of someone I love, I cant think of anything that has caused more heartache in my life than being labeled gay yet not knowing anything about it. Being shunned by said friends and not knowing why. So ya, in a sarcastic tone, I cant think of anything more pleasant than my 13/14 year old friends maturity levels.