Top nor Bottom

How about non-penetrative sex? Oral, handjobs, cuddling/kissing etc.

 

Heh. I might first suggest that 'actual sex' consists of more than just intercourse.

Yup, I pretty much feel the same way in terms of physical sensations. Back when I did topping, I could enjoy the psychological pleasure of empathizing with how good I was making my partner feel, but that was about it. It may be a similar situation for you. Bear in mind that, disregarding how porn depicts things (usually a good policy all around), you do not need to engage in intercourse until one or both of you cum. You can do it for a while and then switch to something more fun for you. Or do it as something nice for your partner (for a bit or until he cums), with the understanding/expectation that he should then return the favor by doing something you enjoy - either in general or to the point of making you cum, depending on how you both want to organize this.

It could be that bottoming doesn't work for you. If you still want to explore this, you might try getting some toys (Amazon sells everything), and experimenting with things like prostate stimulators or so-called 'love beads' or the like. These tend to not be penis shaped or sized, but rather smaller so you may have an easier time handling them. And you can play with them solo, so no pressure of having someone else there. If you find pleasure with those, you might find it easier to relax and work up to a dildo and eventually being able to handle a guy penetrating you. Even if you don't ever like a guy penetrating you, you might find the toys are fun and add them to either your solo play time or to what you do with a partner.

If you do try this, be sure to get something(s) that have a flange or are otherwise shaped to not be able to slip all the way inside.

On a side note - When it comes to anal penetration a huge amount of time and attention seems to be paid to the prostate while the nerves around your rectal opening get passing mention and then mostly ignored. I've recently come to think this is an oversight, at least for some guys. You may find you don't find prostate stimulation all that much fun, but that fingering or stimulation of your opening is much more so. In which case a 'love bead' type toy, or something shaped to provide more stimulation to the opening, rather than the prostate may be the way to go.

Nothing's 'wrong' with you. Not all gay guys are into anal. I'm certainly not and neither is my husband. Based on my experience and stuff I've seen on EC, it seems that around 20% (1 in 5) of gay guys aren't into anal to one degree or another. The whole 'anal sex is the be all and end all of the gay man's sexual experience' is an artifact of porn and an overly simplified view of a much more complex situation. Not all that different from straight men thinking that only vaginal intercourse is 'real sex' and everything else is just 'foreplay'.

As far as what to do - if you really don't find anal pleasurable, than own it, don't do it, and move on. Plenty of other fun things two (or more) guys can do together. As above, about 20% of guys are going to be totally fine with that, and of the rest a good number are going to take the attitude that there are other fun things to do even if anal is off the table and not be overly fussed about it.

Hope this helps,

Todd

 

Just a quick addition and a clearing up of the whole top/bottom dichotomy. In addition to top and bottom, there are two more reasonably commonly used terms, neither of which have been mentioned here.

Versatile (vers) men are those who like/engage in both topping and bottoming.

The one that's less well known is side, which is someone who enjoys/engages in neither topping nor bottoming, instead relying on sex acts other than anal, such as oral and mutual masturbation (handjobs).
Hope I didn't step on your toes, Todd, and I hope this clears things up a bit more.

 

No problem at all - the more the merrier

TBH, I'd never heard of the side option/lable. Learn something new every day:lol:

Todd

 

Why would your partner do that? There are more people like you, you know. :icon_bigg Being gay doesn't mean that you necessarily enjoy anal sex. You shouldn't worry to much about that I think. =]

 

Are you on anti-depressants? They could be killing sensation.

 

Hm. That could be nerves on your part or he might not have been doing it right, or at least doing it the way that feels good to you. Or you might not be hugely into oral either. There are multiple techniques to give oral, and different guys have different parts of their penis that they like stimulated when receiving oral. Some guys have most of the nerves at the tip, others near the base, and some guys really enjoy having their testicles stimulated during the act. He may not have been hitting your sensitive spots.

I enjoy receiving oral, but it is mostly just a very nice feeling and not something that I generally get off to. OTOH I very much enjoy giving oral, and get psychological pleasure out of the pleasure I give my partner that way. Sex is a two-way street after all, and the biggest sex organ in your body is the one between your ears.

One thing you might try is a modified 69 position, where you are giving a guy oral, while he gives you a handjob.

Glad to help If you're toy shopping, you might also look into a vibrating prostate stimulator. A human can't vibrate obviously, but a toy that can can be a lot of fun. If you go for that, I'd recommend one that has a small separate control (it's attached by a wire) that allows multiple speeds and types of vibration. If you're looking at the 'love beads' (also sometimes called 'anal beads') you might try a modified device that is something like a cross between a prostate stimulator and love beads. Basically a thin rod with spherical bulges running down it. The bulges may get larger toward the base and it comes in vibrating and non-vibrating models as well.

As far as a partner getting bored...I agree with Quem - that seems very unlikely. And anyway, there are lots and lots of different things you can do within the range of 'cuddling, romance, tongue action, and handjobs.

Off the top of my head, there's: Edging, cum denial, milking, frottage, docking, fun with toys, roleplay, BDSM (in light and heavy varieties if you're into that kind of thing or find you are), tantric sex, sex in different (private) locales, different lubes, handjobs with different speeds, grips, fun with food. etc.

That's before we get into the realm of things where you can do something your partner really enjoys even if it doesn't rock your world on the understanding that he'll return the favor (or has already done something nice for you first). Or some hybrid activities such as the modified 69 mentioned above.

You might check out Jackinworld.com, which includes a number of pages of techniques and such. Not only for your personal pleasure, but because some (most?) of the techniques listed can be readily modified to be performed on (or with) a partner. Some things here you may really like, others won't do anything for you. But of those you do like - well, now you've got some more tricks up your sleeve for when you're doing stuff - with or without someone else.

Have fun,

Todd

 

I kind of have the same problem in that I was unable to cum with my ex bf unless I jacked myself off when I was with him sexually (and even then it felt like I was forcing it out). I'm not sure why I had that response with him, and I'm thinking I may just need more experience to see if he was the problem or if the problem is my own (like you, I also have great orgasms when masturbating by myself). That being said, I LOVED servicing him, so at least that went smoothly.

 

Loads of gay men don't like anal, and there is nothing wrong with that. It's actually not weird at all since the anus isn't really "made for it" the same way a vagina is. It's completely normal if you find it uncomfortable and would rather do other things.

And don't refer to it as "actual sex". All sex is actual sex!! (Even oral and hand sex)