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I feel like i need to stop masterbating but i cant!

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by soner, Feb 4, 2016.

  1. soner

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    hey guys so I'm 15 ive been recovering from some anxiety and sexuality struggles and I really think I'm doing better now but I think I feel even more better when I stop masterbating and I really am trying but its so tempting when I see guys or something I really want to stop is there a way? btw I'm sort of addicted to gay porn please respond kindly thank you :slight_smile:
     
  2. Chip

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    So the first thing here are a couple of questions that will help determine objectively whether this is something you need to worry about.

    How often are you watching gay porn (presumably you're masturbating to it whenever you watch?)

    And do you masturbate without porn, or only while watching porn?

    Finally, do you use masturbation as a way of relieving anxiety, or is it more just horniness or boredom or something like that?
     
  3. soner

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    I masterbate because of boredom rarely because of anxiety I used to do that but not anymore atleast I can sometimes masterbate without porn when I think about doing stuff to guys and IF I don't control myself I masterbate A LOT but now I'm only masterbating once per day sometimes when I feel to awake and its very late at night though I get horny masterbate and go to sleep
     
  4. Invidia

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    Hi there, OP. I can relate to your problem. I, as well, feel better the less I masturbate, basically. One question: Do you know the reason why you feel better when you don't masturbate? Or is it more of a feeling that you "should" stop? For me it's the former - being trans, and with my personal history and all, masturbation triggers a cycle of self-loathing and shame.
     
  5. soner

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    Hey @invidia so like like I said up there I have been going threw some anxiety and sexuality problems but I know who I am now and I am comftorable with it all thought the thoughts are there sometimes I just have to live with them and ignore them until I go away but when I masterbate I start to basically feel so idk how to explain negative I guess? so I think I just need to stay away from masterbating or doing anything sexual just so I can ignore these thoughts until they go away when I did the thread on my sexuality this guy said to try to not masterbate not until I feel better and comftorable with myself I have to stop "Testing myself" and I agree with him completely but its such a big urge to masterbate I get horny I can go ONE DAY without masterbatng the next day the urges come back and I get horny well I am 15 so its the hormones so I just need some advice on how to stop this lol thanks for replying @Chip and @Invidia
     
  6. Invidia

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    The thing is, celibacy can be downright unhealthy. Your sex organ is a muscle - without regular usage, it may atrophy. And even if you look past that, as you say, you're 15. I remember when I was 15, haha. I'm not sure that quitting entirely is realistic for you, OP, I'm sorry to say it. I myself felt like I wanted to stop masturbating around your age, and at times I could go like half a year without masturbating, but in the end the basic human drive for sexual pleasure and release is too strong.
    There are other ways you might deal with your problem, soner. Firstly, I recommend finding a way to work out why you are feeling like this, because masturbation isn't bad, you just have bad feelings attached to it, and it's those feelings that are bad. You might want to see a counselor or therapist.
    If that doesn't work, and in the meantime, perhaps you could just masturbate less?
     
  7. Euler

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    To me masturbating once a day does not sound particularly lot. If it does not affect your daily life and it is not compulsive I really see no reason why you feel like you need to cut it down or stop it? Medically speaking there is no harm and there might actually be benefits to it.

    Feeling guilty or shame are problems, not your masturbating itself. There is no reason to be ashamed of it.
     
  8. Chip

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    OK. So I'm not hearing anything that sounds problematic. Many 15 year olds masturbate 3, 4, 5 times a day, sometimes more often. Others masturbate once a month or less. Both are well within the normal spectrum of behavior.

    Most of the time people get worked up about the idea they're masturbating too much because there's underlying guilt or shame associated with it, most of which comes from values imposed, mostly by religion.

    There's nothing wrong with masturbating. And in fact, the human body has a need for orgasm, as there are certain biochemical processes that happen with orgasm that are beneficial to immune response, calming responses, brain functions, and other things. So it's actually a healthy behavior.

    The only concerns is when masturbation is used primarily as a coping strategy for anxiety. If you do it once in a while to relieve anxiety, that's fine, but when there starts to be a pattern where any time you start to feel any anxiety, you need to masturbate, that's there a problem tends to develop.

    So what I seem to be hearing from you is that you're masturbating at a frequency that's with in the range that most every other guy your age masturbates. And that isn't anything you need to change unless there are some other ways in which it's negatively impacting your life.

    I do suggest trying to do without the porn. Porn can have negative impact on arousal and visual cues, and ultimately, your experience with partners later on will be better if you learn to create fantasies from your own mind rather than by watching porn.
     
  9. soner

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    yah I'm gonna stop watching porn I remember when I started my sexual fantasies where not as creative as before hence seeing the same things everytime on porn its basically the same things I guess XD maybe it isn't the masturbation but the porn? idk I just i feel so down after i masterbate btw my sexuality problems from before it was gay to straight problem not straight to gay lol i was confused and didn't know how to identify the difference between being sexually attracted and romantically so i kept testing myself with straight porn or tried fantasizing myself with girls but I'm not very attracted to it when i think about touching a girls boobs i just eh i don't feel anything i guess but sometimes i still do test myself but not as much as before thank you all for responding i appreciate you guys for taking your time to reply have a nice day! :grin:
     
    #9 soner, Feb 5, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 5, 2016
  10. Chip

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    If you're still in the process of figuring out if you're gay, porn definitely won't help. If anything, it can confuse you more. There's a long and complicated explanation having to do with arousal cues that I won't go into, but suffice it to say that porn isn't the best way to help you figure that out.

    What often works well is to masturbate *without* porn and fantasize about guys one session... and about girls the next... and then try doing so with no pre-set fantasy and just see where your mind takes you. That usually gives you a pretty clear picture in a pretty short time.

    Also, it's worth knowing that it's very common to feel down/bad/shameful after ejaculating... and there's actually a biological/evolutionary reason for that: If there wasn't something to take away interest in sex after ejaculation, our ancestors would never have stopped fucking, and might have starved to death. So there's a strong rise in serotonin and oxytocin, two of the hormones associated with pleasure, as you are masturbating and approaching orgasm... and then those levels drop dramatically right afterwards, creating the momentary mood dip.

    Once you know that's happening, and that it's pretty normal... that tends to take away the power that feeling has over you. So hopefully that helps! :slight_smile:
     
  11. soner

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    Thank you chip! I will sure try doing what you said! i just after i was done testing myself to see if i liked girls or guys i just felt so much better and the anxiety stopped even if it was with my mind testing if i liked it or not it just is a horrible feeling when you test and you go crazy that's why i wanted to stop masterbating so i can just take a break from this confusion ._. i guess i shall try fantasizing with the masturbation instead thank you again for replying! :grin: @chip