1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

How can the mental block attached to sex be removed?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by ZenDreamer, Feb 21, 2016.

  1. ZenDreamer

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2013
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Alberta, Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Hi friends,

    I realize there is no single solution for this problem, but it's been an issue for far too long and now that I am comfortable enough to engage in sexual intercourse at will, I've been exploring ways to keep the act of sex within the major confines of physical pleasure. Sadly, the mere awareness of the idea during sex keeps my mind more active than my body. This results in random bouts of loss in erections (not frequently) to not being able to orgasm (all the time).

    Not achieving orgasm is currently my biggest concern, especially since I have no problem doing so on my own.

    To put this in context, I have been seeing a guy casually for a couple months now, and I'm beginning to worry (thereby adding unnecessary mental stress to the mix) that this is negatively impacting our shared experience/relationship that could really be so much more. I have noticed I go inside my head most often when a sexual act of any kind (you name it) is being performed on me. I simply cannot enjoy myself to the potential I know I am capable of reaching as I have in the past. In relation to the human sexual response cycle, I have no problem sustaining excitement enough to reach plateau, but it has been years since I've ever been able to reach orgasm in the company of another. Thus, every sexual experience ends on a rather flat and abrupt note wherein I either announce my sexual frustration by putting a stop to all attempts to get me to orgasm or divert all focus onto the other person until they are sexually satisfied.

    Though he has been very understanding of this constraint, I fear continuous failed attempts of him to get me off will erode the chemistry we share and have built into something not worth pursuing any more.

    Any advice for fellows who are experiencing such mental blocks or have overcome them are very much appreciated.
     
    #1 ZenDreamer, Feb 21, 2016
    Last edited: Feb 21, 2016
  2. josh9623

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 27, 2012
    Messages:
    402
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Bronx
    I have dealt with this issue and understand how frustrating it can be.

    Next time you get together, try just masturbating with him in the room. Have him be on the computer, watching tv, etc so that he is there but not focusing on you. once you are able to make yourself orgasm with him in the room move on to the next step.

    Try masturbating with him next to you. He can watch you or not, it's up to you. Work on this until you are able to orgasm as if you were doing it alone. once you get to this point then start involving him.

    You can still fool around while you work on this obviously but this should help over time.
     
  3. Inky

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Feb 3, 2016
    Messages:
    51
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    London
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    I think the important first step is understanding why this mental block is there in the first place. Some helpful questions to ask yourself are, "Was this caused by trauma?" "When I think about this 'mental block' how do I feel?" Understanding the cause behind this issue would determine the best approach to correct it.
     
  4. smurf

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Apr 2, 2015
    Messages:
    1,645
    Likes Received:
    638
    Location:
    Florida
    This used to be a huge issue for me a while back. Its incredibly hard for me to turn my brain off during sex, and most of the time I enjoy more the idea of what I'm doing rather than the act for that reason.

    I think the idea of you jacking off with him in the room, but not focused on you would be an interesting experiment for you to do.

    What worked for me was to get away from the expectation of cumming. I got my boyfriend to edge me for two weeks without allowing me to cum. That way, I was able to focus more on the pleasure while knowing that I shouldn't cum. After two weeks, I was able to start really enjoying the experience since A) I was way horny because I wasn't cumming on my own either B) I didn't have to worry about whether or not I was going to be able to cum so the anxiety went away.

    This might not work for you, but what I'm saying is to play around. Talk to him about your fears and let him know that you want to try different things. I personally would suggest to stay away from anything that has the expectation from you cumming. Whether that is being able to suck him off without you cumming, or just you jacking off after you suck him off.

    Try to play with it and find what you truly like. Don't waste too much time on what "should" happen.
     
  5. OnTheHighway

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Oct 9, 2014
    Messages:
    3,934
    Likes Received:
    632
    Location:
    Florida
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I agree with this suggestion. Having had a similar experience on certain types of physical acts, not all sexual activities, I realised I was dealing with some latent self esteem and shame issues that were impacting my performance.

    Having been working through those issues, I have found those issues have diminished massively. The issues still come and go on occasion, but having addressed the underlying issues, I have found a path to solve them and enjoy myself in all sexual situations.
     
  6. ZenDreamer

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2013
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Alberta, Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Thank you all for the advice. It's reassuring to know this isn't necessarily an isolated issue and we can share in this troubling reality.

    I had not thought of working up to orgasm without expecting it. I quite like the idea of mutual masturbation or solo but in the same room. There is a definite level of comfort that is surpassed when sex is involved, which generally causes me to jump back into my head, but focused masturbation remains within my body.

    There's a good chance the mental block could also be associated with a previous sexual experience from my childhood, but I cannot place full trust in my memory. Still working through that...
     
  7. shy

    shy
    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Mar 22, 2012
    Messages:
    166
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Zürich
    Gender:
    Male
    There are more guys with this problem than you may think. Most of them are way too embarassed to talk about it.

    Your mental block may very well be associated with childhood experiences, I got the same problem.
    Against loosing your errection you can ask a doctor to get a low concentrated viagra or something similar. It may help you to gain confidence and you won't have to worry about loosing your erection (can't yet speak from experience, but will soon try that one).

    Concerning orgasms, for the moment I focus on actually liking what we (the guy I'm doing stuff with and me) do and that we keep it a bit experimental. We keep trying new stuff and, most importantly, see everything like a game. Once we find a way to please the both of us we win :wink:

    Also we said whoever reaches an orgasm doesn't have to prelong it unnecessary. Besides, I found a certain level of satisfaction in his orgasms.
     
  8. ZenDreamer

    Regular Member

    Joined:
    Oct 28, 2013
    Messages:
    36
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Alberta, Canada
    Gender:
    Male
    Thanks for the tips.

    We're both gamers, so the parallel should come naturally.

    The other point you made has been a sticking point of added pressure as well. There's a tendency for him to delay orgasm for my benefit, but when I assure him he can go (because I can't), he often doesn't. Which is another issue I hope to circumvent in tandem.

    Sadly I have yet to see him since posting this thread, but plans are to game (and "game") this week, so thanks again all.