(not sure if this is the right place for this) So I somehow made it to my early 20s without having any physical contact with another human being, and now me and my girlfriend are trying to get sexy. She's been leading and -- wonder of wonders -- managed to orgasm from our weird fondling a few weeks ago. But I'm really not enjoying it. She tends to dive straight to rubbing crotches against various parts and I feel like I need more foreplay and build up to get into a sexy mood. I'm perfectly fine pleasuring her, but as soon as the focus turns to me, I'm like "Wow, I'm not into this." And I want to be, but I'm just not. She's coming to my place this weekend and I have sort of a romantic plan to sort of get into the mood before heading to the bedroom (the 3 times we've tried something, we just got into bed like normal and then started making out, but I feel like maybe I need some kind of lead up to things; like I want to undress her and kiss her all over and lead up to the main event). I feel really insecure and embarrassed about talking to her about all this, and that insecurity kinda leads me to keep my hands and thoughts to myself even though I don't want to. Part of it also is I have a lot of stress outside the relationship right now that kinda takes my mind off of things; sometimes I feel too stressed to get off the couch let alone get in a sexy mood. I'm also still accepting that I'm gay; she's several years older and has already gone through her questioning/accepting phase. And she knows I'm still having conflicting thoughts and she's taking it easy with me and I appreciate that. I guess I know what my problem is, that I need to stop being afraid and start being more active in the relationship, but I'm scared and anxious about doing so. She told me she wanted me to take the lead on the physical stuff, since I'm the virgin and she's not sure what I'm comfortable with, but I just feel so paralyzed. I want to touch her -- I fantasize about what I'd like to do with her -- but I'm scared to act on it and I freeze up and shut down when we get physical. I'm afraid of offending her, I guess? I got yelled at a lot when I was a kid, without explanation to why, and I think that's made me afraid to reach out to other people. Just wondering if anyone has any advice?
I think you need to sit down and have a talk tell her what's going on outside the relationship tell her you want to take the foreplay slower and try take the lead but you're scared of offending her or doing something wrong. You need to ask her what she likes or even show you even if its her using her hands to guide yours, being still questioning will be hard you're still new to being with a woman and need her to show or tell you what you're doing right. Maybe you could both take a bath together focus on softness of touch (you don't use a nail bush whilst soaping up its a lot softer type of massage) it could teach you to to take things slower you also could tell her you want her to slow down and do a little more foreplay with you before jumping straight in. Being a virgin it will be frightening to know what you're doing right and wrong but sex is suppost to be fun and some stuff you can laugh at afterwards and say hell no that didn't work. Don't just focus on the vjj focus on the thighs, back, stomach, neck breasts and build up to moving down there
