I remember as a young child I was afraid to stay at my dads house. I would cry and hide under the table until my mom would come get me. I remember faking illnesses and begging so I wouldnt have to visit him. I remember he was strict and would scold me, but never hitting me or touching me. He wouldnt do that. But Im not sure anymore. Being touched, in a non sexual way, physically makes me sick and causes me to panic. I cant sit next to someone on the couch. This only comes with a few exceptions. I can touch, be held, and sleep on my big bothers chest, he makes me feel safe. But anyone else even in my family I cant stand it. Is it possible something happened to me when I was little.
It is possible. And at the same time, you don't want to jump to conclusions. If something did happen, it may well have been someone other than a family member, so you want to be really cautious in how you think about this. The challenge is... memory is reconstructive; we don't store exact details of memories but reconstruct them based on a combination of what we remember, and cues or other things that seem to fit, so it's really easy to "remember wrong" and cause a lot of heartache. What is clear is that you've got some issues that are causing some pretty significant anxiety. I would suggest talking to your mom or your school counselor about what's going on and perhaps see if there's a therapist you can see.
