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OCD + Desparate for an experience + paranoia +anxiousness

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by PrsngHppnss8D, Mar 10, 2016.

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  1. PrsngHppnss8D

    PrsngHppnss8D
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    So, I'm kinda desperate to begin my own experiences with men (never even kissed a guy before), so I started to use an app (not specifically gay). My sexual drive is really high and everyday I am thinking of it (not only sex, but also to meet an ocasional love).

    The problem is that I was diagnosed with OCD (obsessive thoughts) and sometimes I'm so paranoid at people finding out about my sexuality, I feel so anxious about it. My head already knows that there's nothing wrong about my sexuality, but I always feel that I'm doing something wrong, or that I need to tell my parents that I'm speaking to guys looking for a hang out (even knowing that they would be pissed of). My parents do know my sexuality but do not accept that other people know. What is funny is that they allow that I have a secret life with a guy (but this could not be public, you know?). I'm afraid of people that I would hang out tell other people that I'm gay and my family discovers it. I also, when I lose my libido, the anxiousness/guilt comes again.

    So I wonder if that's a lost of impulse/control of mine related to my OCD status. Why I've been so desperate to find an experience and being so afraid at the same time? :tears: Thank you all.
     
    #1 PrsngHppnss8D, Mar 10, 2016
  2. Fighter694

    Fighter694
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    It could be due to the OCD status but I think it's more because of the lack of security and internal acceptance of one's sexuality! The desperation probably stems from the lack of certainty that you have around your future and sexuality. Your parents are preventing you from forming an identity about your true self. They are encouraging a negative psychology regarding your sexuality. What I'd like to know is your therapist lgbt friendly? If he is fueling your parents attitude and not helping you out please look for another one. More importantly go out and meet guys. Be yourself . plan a future integrating your sexuality and living the life you want. Work on internalized homophobia and all the negative thoughts you have internalized. Speak to your therapist about it!
    Regarding your parents. Don't hate them it's not their fault. That's the way they have been brought up. Ask your therapist to counsel them and make them understand how they are negatively influencing your mental health. So it boils down to your therapist. If he is a bigot or one of those politically right lgbt friendly person but internaly anti lgbt then please find a new therapist ASAP!
    And yes don't worry about your desperation. You have OCD means you can't accept uncertainty and there is nothing more uncertain than your future untill you consciously work to steer it the way you want it to be.
    I have had OCD and hence the paranoid tendency. And I feeel the same uncertainty and desperation you do. My parents have the same attitude that yours have. But the only difference is I am working towards accepting myself truly and completely!
     
    #2 Fighter694, Mar 10, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 10, 2016
  3. PrsngHppnss8D

    PrsngHppnss8D
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    01. My therapist is like ok with that. Didn't notice any weird looks, or disgusted face, or commentary that would make me feel uncomfortable (and a psychologist from high school had said that I !could read other people thoughts!! I'm so proud of myself hahahaha).

    Actually, speaking about this topic with him (therapist) is more uncomfortable to me! haha He's an old guy, he only asked how homosexual people are mentioned by the others "Is it "gay", the term, right?" Asked this so naturally, i guess he's just not quite familiarized to particular behaviors. i feel he does not judge me. The only thing I have to complain is that he listen more than talk (and this pisses me off cuz I want to change the feeling I had before enter the therapy, and speaking to him like an radio has almost no effect to me). Last one was quite good, he made me feel really better, he answered a lot. Cannot really say if he hates lgbt internally (if so, he's an good actor). He also said something similar to what you said, that I'm not accepting myself. I asked him if I'm gay, saying that I would have a boner just th
     
    #3 PrsngHppnss8D, Mar 10, 2016
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  4. PrsngHppnss8D

    PrsngHppnss8D
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    oh, I lost half of the text... later I will post again
     
    #4 PrsngHppnss8D, Mar 10, 2016
  5. Fighter694

    Fighter694
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    Well if he is old and isnt too familiar with lgbt issues. Then probably you should meet some young and dynamic person. Preferably an lgbt counsellor if that kind of resources are available to you? And make friends in the lgbt community, hang out with them. You will learn a lot! You will accept the world of variations and yourself better :slight_smile:
     
    #5 Fighter694, Mar 10, 2016
  6. Uncolored

    Uncolored
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    I have generalized anxiety disorder and have been quite anxious about losing control over who knows my sexuality or not. Thankfully, I have let loose of some of that anxiety and now live pretty freely.
    Here was what helped me:
    -Accept yourself for who you are. You are a man who happens to be gay, you are not a gay man. There is more to you than being gay.
    -You can't live in a box and expect to be happy, you are going to have to be true to who you really are.
    -You have control over who knows and who does not. Why does everyone you know need to know that you are gay? Straight people don't come out and yell "guess what? I'm straight!" You can also confide in a few people or even a group of people which brings me to the next thing....
    -Get the frig out on the gay scene and make some gay friends! That helped me so so much, I can't even tell you the confidence it has given me. It has given me friends, support, dating opportunities, and a lot of fun. There are meetup websites out there where you can meet groups for gay people and go out and have fun. You can usually find events and bars that are gay friendly too.
    -Also be OK with losing control over who knows you are gay and who does not. Being more honest with yourself (and maybe some other people) will make you feel better about yourself. There is no shame in being gay. But, if you really don't want someone to know then they don't have to know.
     
    #6 Uncolored, Mar 13, 2016
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