I'm only recently out - I've been out for a year. I've been sexually active with about 6 guys (my current boyfriend included). I've never received any complaints about my size (I'm roughly 5 inches while erect and I think a lot of it has to do with my weight - I'm 5'10" and weigh about 265 pounds, so pushing some fatty areas away reveals more length). Like I said, no complaints about my size. Three guys I've been with have complimented me on my girth - my current boyfriend included, who actually said, "Yup, definitely the thickest," when he bottomed for me the first time. One guy actually seemed surprised at how "hard" it felt while I was erect. I didn't necessarily come here to really ask about size - well, I guess I kind of have. Here, let me voice my concerns. When it comes to sex/making love with my boyfriend, I'm one of those guys who really want their partner to enjoy it. I'm very unselfish when it comes to sex. If I were to ejaculate before he does, I actually feel bad. I don't know why. I just want both of us to "walk away" from it feeling fully satisfied. Thing is, he only seems to get off about 50% of the time. He says he doesn't mind, he just enjoys being closer to me during sex. And he doesn't care about penis size. He always tells me, "It's just a dick," when I voice my concerns about it. In the past, because of my own insecurities, and because he has told me girth isn't that great when it comes to anal sex - it's the length that counts, I was pretty down on myself. He has told me he has been with guys that were bigger and smaller than me. Now, I'm one of those guys who are, as he refers to it as, "such a GUY about things." So, the fact that he has been with "bigger" guys eats at me. He has mentioned things about possibly getting a dildo, just in case I ejaculate before he does (because after I ejaculate, I automatically begin losing my erection - so, it's not like I can just "keep going"). But, me being "such a guy," I don't want competition when it comes to a dildo being used on him. Plus, I see that as my job - to please him. And normally, I would find that to be an easy task to get him off with a handjob or blowjob but, he told me he only gets off sexually with anal stimulation. To him, blowjobs do absolutely NOTHING for him. So, I'm kind of stuck, I guess you could call it. I guess my main concern here is, should I just get over the whole dildo thing? Should we get him one? Am I just being too proud or being too much of a "guy about things?" Or is this something normal? I'm in the process of losing weight, so hopefully, losing weight around my pubic area will help increase the length a bit and hopefully I'll be able to stimulate his prostate. We have never discussed whether or not I am but, judging from what he's mentioned in the past about girth and length and the fact that he only gets off about 50% of the time, I'm going to assume I'm not hitting the spot at all or enough. I'm just needing some "words from the wise" or some advice. Anal sex is still relatively new to me (before coming out, I led the straight life and had sex with women, so, yeah... this is a tad different). So, any help would be much appreciate! Thanks in advance!
Okay I am nothing even close to a professional, pretty much the least professional there is, being a gay girl (cough and a virgin cough) I am not personally experienced. And I'm guessing fan fiction and porn don't count so.. I'm sorry if I'm the last person on Earth whose opinion you want. It seems like you really want your boyfriend to feel good and get off. So to me it sounds like a dildo could be a good addition to your sex life. And you shouldn't feel bad if you need that kind of "help", the point of sex for you seems to be that both of you can enjoy it and if you can get your partner to enjoy even more, I don't think it can be seen as a bad thing. A dildo would just be another way for you to make him feel good. You shouldn't feel self-conscious or anything, just go with it and make you both feel equally good! Good luck.
If you feel bad when you ejaculate before him, you could use a dildo to finish him off. that way you can enjoy the sex, and enjoy the fact your satisfying him at the same time. seems like a win-win
I can understand where you're coming from, but I have yet to hear a case where adding toys to the mix has been a bad thing.
I can understand your insecurity based on the fact that your boyfriend doesn't always want or have to ejaculate during sex. I know from experience that for some guys it isn't that important, some people just don't have a very strong sex drive. That doesn't mean that they don't appreciate intimacy or the pleasure from certain sexual activity but for them it just isn't as important to 'finish off'. If like me you have a high drive then it can be hard to understand that view point and it can feel like your partner is rejecting you or not satisfied with you but it's not the case. Try new things, toys, role play, fetish's, whatever to see if it helps you both please each other better. Whatever you do though it's not OK to try and pressure him into doing it - unless that's his thing. Now I'm going to talk size. It's really nothing you need to worry about. You only get one and you're stuck with him the whole of your life so just love your d*ck. Your boyfriend previously expressed a preference for something different, so what, he's still here isn't he? I'm sure it was nothing more than a flippant comment like "I only date blond guys". As for girth vs length, there isn't really a rule here, although didn't you ever hear the rhyme "long and thin, too far in. Short and thick, does the trick". My point is it's a case of personal fancy but at the end of the day most bottoms have a one size fits all policy. Finally, yes there are guys out there with bigger, longer, wider, shorter, thinner, straighter, harder tools. Unless you plan on only dating virgins then your partner will have experienced something different before but try not to let that bother you and like I already said, love your d*ck. If the guy with the long thin one was so perfect, where is he now...?
I'm just going to add here that reaching the prostate shouldn't be an issue, considering doctors can reach it with their index finger (2 inches?) during a prostate exam. I would suggest maybe trying some different positions to enhance stimulation. Everyone's anatomy is different and shifting things around in the bedroom may be a good way to enhance stimulation without additional length. 5 inches is around the average stated in many studies so I don't think you have anything to worry about and comparing yourself to larger guys definitely isn't necessary nor helpful. Weight loss is definitely a good way to improve stamina and enhance that visual, but it won't actually add any length. Plus at your BMI it's likely very beneficial to your overall health. As for the dildo, it might be fun to play around with things in the bedroom. I don't think you have to compete with it, unless you have the personality of an inanimate object and fear being replaced by a piece of silicone. If you have a healthy relationship I would embrace the opportunity and openness to have fun and pleasure each other by different means.
