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"I'm the same as you. I'm 30 lbs overweight": Would you see this as an insult?

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Fullofsurprises, Mar 22, 2016.

  1. Hello all,

    I am recovering from an eating disorder/BDD, and the person that told me this knows me this. I was talking casually on the phone to her, and she starts prattling on:

    "I'm just like you. I'm 30 lbs overweight. I'm 5'4 and 160 lbs. If someone told me I was fat, I would be like "I know!" I used to have a hot body when I was young. I gained weight, so men wouldn't salivate at me. If you want to lose weight, just exercise."

    This is a HUGE trigger for me. I felt like she was calling me fat, when she's saying "I'm just like you." I told her that I'm not overweight and am a size 6-8. I don't weigh as much as her. I also told her that putting pressure on my body to lose weight isn't healthy. Then, she just started talking about herself more o the phone and then said "She had to go." I know she's going through a lot of her own personal stuff, so I'm hoping she's just projecting.

    When you have an eating disorder, you sometimes aren't sure what you truly look like. When people make comments, you may start to believe that you're a lot fatter than you are. I was trying so hard today and yesterday to be positive and full of self-love, until this happened. It's 10:30 pm, and I can't reach out to a therapist. I know it's my fault for choosing to call this woman. This woman was showing some red flags before, such as talking too much about herself. I won't be talking to this woman anymore (at least for now).


    I don't know if this is going to get any comments. I don't know where else to post. Some eating disordered recovery groups don't allow you to talk about weight. Some forums also don't get any responses. This forum seems more active.

    Any insight is appreciated. I'm trying really, really hard to overcome this disease. Would any of you female posters be triggered by that kind of talk?
     
    #1 Fullofsurprises, Mar 22, 2016
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 22, 2016
  2. Really

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    This was extremely insensitive of her to make such a comment. Even at the best of times, most women don't want to have their weight pointed out to them. And for people who've struggled with eating disorders, I can only imagine how much worse it is.

    You'd do well to avoid this woman especially when she's in an it's-all-about-me phase.

    If you eating well and maintaining your health then forget about her and anybody who says otherwise. You've obviously gotten help for your previous eating issues and, frankly, probably know more about this topic than she does so try not to let her ignorant comments derail you. You are just fine the way you are.
     
  3. If I didn't make that phone call, I wouldn't be in such a rut. Now, I'm obsessing over being "30 lbs overweight." I don't really have an appetite. Luckily, most people don't say this. This woman also has never met me in person too, so that decreases validity.

    Seriously, that kind of talk puts more pressure on "you need to be very thin!"
     
  4. Calf

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    When she said "I'm the same as you" she may have just meant that she's also struggling with being happy with her body. In a way she may have just been trying to show a connection with your own feelings but just didn't do it very well. Like someone who I ginger might be bullied for their hair colour might say to someone who is bullied for being bald "I'm the same as you, I know how it feels". It's two separate situations but with a similar theme for empathy.
    Also if you have struggled with your own body and are very conscious about your weight and appearance, it's possible that anything she had said about it would have caused you to give it more thought than she had intended. For example, if she had said "I'm 30 lbs overweight, unlike you, you skinny minny" you night have taken that as a critical comment whereas it was intended as a humorous compliment. I'm not saying that you're friend couldn't have been a bit more considerate but I doubt her aim was to offend you. It sounds like once she realised she had upset you, she got embarrassed, tried to change the subject and then ended the call.
    I hope that you are getting help with your self-esteem but for now try not to worry too much about comments like this.
     
  5. You might be right. Come to think of it, she said "I have an hourglass. You do too." But, still it's not nice to

    Her comments also reminded me of another female abuser in my life. We both know her. That woman also made a lot of comments on my looks, being single, and how men just drool all over her. Any critical female character that brags about themselves is very triggering for me.

    I just want to be around people that don't talk like this. Thanks for your help.
     
  6. Theron

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    Stay away from people like that, they're no good for your mental health.

    I have severe food allergies as well as digestive issues (I have FODMAP intolerance, allergies to several foods, gluten intolerance, seizures triggered by certain foods, and ulcerative colitis, the last bout of which dumped my underweight ass in the hospital for a month because I was so malnourished). And although I no longer strictly observe a kosher diet, I still can't bring myself to intentionally eat things like pork and shellfish.

    People think I'm being a picky eater when I reject food they offer me. I may be very skinny, but I still get picked on for my weight constantly--by other adults. I get called anorexic and people make nasty comments about how my husband shouldn't be able to stand touching me because being so skinny is gross.

    It definitely makes my depression and anxiety rear its ugly head, and when it gets really bad, I start losing myself in my PTSD again, too, because of the shit people like my dad and my first ex would say to me.
     
    #6 Theron, Mar 25, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 25, 2016
  7. Sorry to hear that! I agree that the less we interact with people like this, the better. Our bodies aren't anyone's business. Now that I've calmed down, I think this woman was making things about her. It probably had nothing to do with me.

    If you don't mind me sharing-I have been both very thin and "average" (where I'm at now). People also still commented on me being too skinny and needing to eat more. Someone will say something, no matter what. What's a flaw to one person is fine to someone else.