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Feel bad after casual sex

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by sitgeta1, Mar 23, 2016.

  1. sitgeta1

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    Hi everyone,

    I've been struggling with my feelings after engaging in casual sex with strangers for a while now but lately it's all come to a head and I don't know the reason for it.
    How come that as a gay man I feel uneasy and negative after hooking up? I feel strange since everyone else seems to love doing it.
    I guess it comes down to the fact that I need to make a connection with the other person in order for me to be able to enjoy sex more and view it in a healthy way.
    My point in sharing these thoughts with you all is....does anyone else feel the same way about this? What steps did you take to be happier in a culture that celebrates promiscuity?
     
  2. BelleLey

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    Casual sex is just not for everyone, if you need a deeper, real connexion with someone to really enjoy it then it's what you should aim for. There's nothing wrong with that. I assure you not everyone like meaningless sex, you should only care about what's right for you.
     
  3. greatwhale

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    Hi,

    I would recommend you check this out, it may explain why, for you, casual sex does not satisfy you...
     
  4. smurf

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    Most LGBT are uncomfortable about hooking up at one point. Its only after people start learning about how ridiculous our sense of sexuality is that they find themselves okay with hooking up. And this isn't just for LGBT people. It just so happens that LGBT people questions "rules" and "culture" more often than straight people since those are the tools that allow us to come out and be okay with ourselves.

    The first thing is, there is nothing wrong with not liking casual sex. If it isn't for you then it isn't for you and you shouldn't feel guilty for not liking it.

    That being said, most of the time I find that people are okay with casual sex as long as they engage it from a healthy place. If you engage casual sex with media and mainstream culture, then you are going to hurt yourself and others.

    There are two main kinds of casual sex (keep in mind that "casual sex" means different things to different people. To some people any sex before marriage is casual)

    1) Where you hook up with a complete random person and you don't even care about learning their name. Its a cum and go kind of situation where the main goal is to get off and not have to deal with even saying hello.

    This is the kind of sex that a lot of people don't care for since most people are seeking intimacy and not just sex.

    2) Casual sex can also be people who enjoy each other company, but not necessarily want to date each other. Maybe not even necessarily be best of friends, but just people who interact together and can also have sex without any commitment other than treating each other with respect.

    Either way, don't beat yourself up. If you didn't like it, then it doesn't mean that you are a bad person or that you have to have more sex more often. Just simply stop having sex until you feel comfortable with it.
     
  5. You're not the only person that may not feel right with casual sex. Some people do need a connection, but they aren't as vocal as the promiscuous people. It may feel like everyone is hooking up, when you hear others talk about it. Do what feels right for you.
     
    Hamiltan likes this.
  6. sitgeta1

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    Thanks for all of your messages. I do need some sort of connection established before I can bring myself to enjoy the sex. I was having a hard time accepting this because I didn't want to be even more different than I already am. I'm a minority inside a minority but I have to do me and what makes me happy. I won't go against my nature anymore just to fit in our "culture".
     
  7. smurf

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    Glad that you know you don't have to fit in, but also, the culture that you have in mind doesn't quite fit the reality of the situation.

    http://blog.*******.com/index.php/gay-sex-vs-straight-sex/

    These surveys are hard to do, but in the latest survey it seems like the perception that LGBT people are more promiscuous is simply not true, and there doesn't seem to be any research pointing towards that.

    The only reason that you think lgbt people are promiscuous is because you have only had exposure to lgbt culture through media and what you see online.

    Go out, make lgbt friends, and experience lgbt people and events yourself.
     
  8. sitgeta1

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    [/QUOTE] The only reason that you think lgbt people are promiscuous is because you have only had exposure to lgbt culture through media and what you see online.

    Go out, make lgbt friends, and experience lgbt people and events yourself.[/QUOTE]

    Oh, I'm no newbie to the gay scene. I've been to plenty of lgbt events and have gay friends but the majority of them have no problem engaging in casual sex all the time. At least that has been in the case in my social circle. Most people are looking for intimacy but I think in the gay world that is not so often the case. I think most of us would agree on the fact that men have a higher sex drive and the reality is that our subculture is mostly fixated on sex.
     
  9. My gay friend feels just like you. He thinks he's a prude compared to gay standards. I think it's more common than one thinks.
     
  10. TXTurbo90

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    You sound like you are doing the right thing and being honest with yourself on what you like. I know how it feels to be seen as/feel like a "prude" because you have no desire to have sex with anyone without building a connection without them first. (I am on the far side of that spectrum being demisexual. I wouldn't even be able to get aroused enough to have sex with someone that I haven't built a substantial connection with.)

    I figure why go against the grain by following your true sexual orientation just to go against it to fit into the promiscuous expectations/stereotype in the LGBT community. :eusa_doh: