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scared of HIV

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Stillnotsure, Mar 24, 2016.

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  1. Stillnotsure

    Stillnotsure
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    Hi, I've been posting in different occasions, from my sexual orientation doubts to my sex life, today I'm writting as I lay in bed for a really bad flu, it started yesterday, was feeling my throat a little sore and as night progressed, I got chills, pain in my joints and fever, I took some antibiotics and woke up feeling better just a little bit fatigued. The thing is, I had sex last saturday (5 days ago) and stupidly enough, didn't wear a condom, it was my first time topping and bottoming without protection, the guy who's way older than me, told me he hadn't had sex for 6 years and the last person he was with, was his exwive, I didn't enjoy the experience and also didn't let him stay inside me for that long, he just did it ones and told him to stop, I didn't stay inside him that long either, he didn't cum inside me. After our encounter I wrote to him to ask if I had something to get concerned like any illness, etc and he told me I didn't have to be worried, that he's clean and if something appeared, he would take me to the doctor. The next monday I went to get a rapid HIV test (knowing I would only know my previous status) and it came negative, the problem is that I know I have to wait at least 3 to 6 months to get tested again and having this flu is making me freak out, I can't talk about this to anyone as I'm a closeted case and I feel so bad of going through this alone, I just feel like I'm drowning with all this thoughts of what if I got HIV and how could I live with that, it's so scary... It was so dumb not having protection and feel so bad for making that decision
     
    #1 Stillnotsure, Mar 24, 2016
  2. Euler

    Euler
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    First, don't take antibiotics for a flue or for flue symptoms. Flue is caused by virus and antibiotics are totally ineffective for viruses. Second, if you start taking antibiotics, always finish the entire prescription. Taking unprescribed antibiotics are the cause for many diseases becoming resistant to antibiotics. Same goes for not taking the entire prescribed amount.

    The older the guy the greater the chance he is talking BS. I wouldn't be surprised the last time he had unprotected sex was 6h ago. You sound very young. Why don't you look for company of your own age? My advice is stay away from guys much older than you no matter what. The age difference gets less important as you get older but for now stick with guys of your own age.

    OK, let's put this into perspective. HIV does not spread very easily. The fact that you didn't exchange bodily fluids (for HIV saliva is not a vector of transmission) lowers your risk greatly. For the purposes of risk assessment you had 2 sexual encounters. First as a bottom and second as a top. Wikipedia put risk of transmission of HIV when bottoming between 1%-4%. Considering there was no exchange of fluid it's probably on the lower end although lack of "emission" does not mean you are safe. The risk for topping is even lower risk, about 0.03%. These numbers are assuming your partner has HIV. Your compound risk is about 1.02% of having HIV assuming your partner has HIV.

    If I were you I wouldn't be overly concerned. However, if the stress of waiting 3 months is killing you you could go for a PCR test that shows accurate results after just 2-3 weeks of exposure. Or RNA test that can detect infection after 9-14 days. However, these tests are much more expensive than the quick tests.

    Take this as a learning experience and in the future take care of the adequate protection.
     
    #2 Euler, Mar 25, 2016
  3. Stillnotsure

    Stillnotsure
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    Thank you very much for your reply, it makes me feel a lot better, I went to the Dr for my flu and prescribed me pills for pain and fever and some shots, this is definitely my wakeup call and I really hope I'm still healthy and hiv free, 30minutes or so of fun aren't really worth the risk, I had this idea that to overcome my orientation doubts, I had to experience with sex, but that's not the case as it really didn't solve any questions and made me feel uncomfortable with myself.
     
    #3 Stillnotsure, Mar 25, 2016
  4. Stillnotsure

    Stillnotsure
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    Hi everyone, writing back because I'm feeling a lot down, I don't know if the flu has something to do with my mood but mixed with the fear and anxiety of my unknown status is making me have the most difficult days, It's been 7 days since having sex with that guy and I'm trying so hard to push back all of the fears and posible scenarios I'm drawing in my head. I feel like a need someone to hug me and tell me everything is going to be ok, it sounds so childish maybe or immature but that's just how I feel, helpless, all because of 30 seconds of "experimentation", I'm punishing myself for not being more firm on using condoms as we did at first, I feel raped by me, as it was something I didn't want to do but did it anyway, I don't know if this makes sense but I'm not in a really good place right now, I don't want to just ghost myself through life during this coming months till getting tested, my family doesn't deserve it... any thoughts?
     
    #4 Stillnotsure, Mar 26, 2016
  5. Dingdang

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    I think you're going to be okay, and I hope everything is fine in the end. :slight_smile:

    As long as you learned about using protection, you should be able to prevent something like this from happening in the future.
     
    #5 Dingdang, Mar 26, 2016
  6. Euler

    Euler
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    Don't worry. The chances are really quite low. Even the chance that your partner has HIV is fairly low. Among gays in the UK, outside London about 1/28 has HIV. The same number for London is 1/11. Even if you are not from the UK the numbers are likely to be similar in the US. London numbers are applicable to major cities with significant gay community while the non-London number applies to elsewhere.

    This is a flue season for the most parts of the worlds so it's more than likely that it's just a flue. And even if it is HIV it can be controlled with medicine and I'm sure the cure is not that far away either. So many rich westerners have it that the medical companies are racing towards the cure.
     
    #6 Euler, Mar 27, 2016
  7. Stillnotsure

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    I definitely learned my lesson, I really hope this is just a scare

    ---------- Post added 27th Mar 2016 at 07:29 AM ----------
    Thank you Euler, I'll try to be positive and think about how low my chances are, my mind is really powerfull and sometimes it works against me, so I have to push hard enough to stay positive, I don't know what would I do without this forum and your help, I really needed someone to talk and have some kind of support
     
    #7 Stillnotsure, Mar 27, 2016
  8. YeahpIdk

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    I once sat on a toilet that had period blood all over the underside of the lid. I don't know if it really got on me, but it soaked through to a part of the toilet paper I used to cover the seat, which was touching me. I totally freaked out and was afraid I could get HIV or something else. This is pretty foolish on my part, as it's not really spread that way, and didn't get on my downtown bits, but I was still really freaked out none the less.

    It's going to be hard, but this is what you have to do. Push it out if your mind. Yes, you made a really, truly bad decision. I understand it's easy to get wrapped up in lusty feelings and just want to get to it. And someone can seem trusting, but it's never worth the "what if" when you're having sex with someone you don't know well, and know that they care for and respect you. Your chances of getting it, though there, might be low. It's like a female deciding to skip the condom with her partner for one night. Now she's got a 50/50 chance of being pregnant, but it's not likely. It's more the exception.

    Push this out of your mind. In a few weeks, you'll get over it, trust me. Your mind just can't focus on things in a heightened state for so long. Live life as you normally would, and be aware. Don't ever not use a condom with someone you don't know ever again. Besides HIV, there are other things to get that aren't anywhere near as bad, but extremely unfavorable. Go for the 3 month mark test. When that's negative, push it out of your mind again, and then go for the 6 month. Mark 6 months in your calendar. That's something I did and it made me feel better. Just stay on top of it, but do not freak out. Getting the "flu" or sick is a marker for pretty much every STD and STI under the sun, it could also mean you just caught a bug. That's all.

    Good luck, and make sure you report back! I would also do some research on early symptoms of HIV. I actually don't even think getting sick so soon after is a symptom. Many people don't know they have it until many years later (if they never get tested). It might be though. But still, try not to freak out:slight_smile:
     
    #8 YeahpIdk, Mar 27, 2016
    Last edited: Mar 27, 2016
  9. Stillnotsure

    Stillnotsure
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    I'm out of the flu so I'm feeling a lot better physically but emotionally feels like I'm in a rollercoaster, hoping for the days to go by and feeling less and less scared and more calm, I'm used to talk to my sister about everything I go through so is really hard for me to not tell her what I'm feeling and knowing she feels something strange on me.

    I keep telling me that it's just a scary situation and whatever the outcome is, I should know it has a greater purpose on me as I'm the kind of person that likes to think everything is for a reason. Hopefully I'm still healthy and just learn from this, also hope that everybody who reads this could learn something too, they should know that having casual sex has a greater responsability and consecuenses than what we might think.

    I'm really thankfull for every response I get, reading what each of you writes, makes me able to keep on going
     
    #9 Stillnotsure, Mar 27, 2016
  10. Stillnotsure

    Stillnotsure
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    Hello to everyone reading, I'm close to the 14th day mark and with each day that passes by I feel a lot better, although there are some things that trigger some of the fears back, like whenever someone talks about a disease, or about life in general, having kids, or my future, I get closed-up in my mind thinking about all the "what ifs" if I have HIV, how would that change a lot of what I had planned or wished to do, I know having HIV is not a death sentence but it is something serious and something that I know my family would suffer too and at the same time I think that maybe I'm lucky enough to keep being negative and get to go on with my somewhat normal life...
    I know I might be overreacting or overthinking, but it's just a process I'm trying to get through in the best posible way, waiting for the 3 month test it's hard and everynight before going to sleep I picture myself at the hospital getting tested and having a negative result and then I think what if it's positive...
    GOD I wish I could press a fast-forward button and stop going back and forth with this.

    Any thoughts?
     
    #10 Stillnotsure, Mar 30, 2016
  11. killswitch0029

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    I feel like it's natural to worry about something that could potentially turn out to be something serious. Like an earlier poster said just try to push it out of your mind. It might not be the easiest thing to do but the more you're able to distract yourself the less anxiety you'll feel
     
    #11 killswitch0029, Mar 31, 2016
  12. Euler

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    You could consider doing a PCR or RNA-test if you are having difficulties at coping. However, those tests are expensive so you need to carefully think is it worth it.
     
    #12 Euler, Mar 31, 2016
  13. Stillnotsure

    Stillnotsure
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    Today I succeded with that, had a normal day with no dark thoughts, fears or anxiety, I actually feel like I can go on.

    I researched those tests and sadly I think they're not that accesible in my town, I'm from Mexico and for what I've experienced, we're sadly a little behind on medicine, at least in small cities, Like 48 hours after my encounter with the guy, I went to the hospital as I was panicking and asked for PREP and the Doctor acted like he didn't knew about it and that I should be calm, get the rapid hiv test and wait for 3 to 6 months to get tested again, also for stds... long story short, I'll have to wait... At least I'm feeling better and very grateful for having your support, I'll keep reporting back
     
    #13 Stillnotsure, Apr 1, 2016
  14. Stillnotsure

    Stillnotsure
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    Hi everyone, It's been 3 weeks since my encounter. Days have been pretty normal and haven't really had an anxiety or fear episode till today. It wasn't a big episode like the first couple of days, just a lingering fear of the what ifs, most of it because I cannot talk with my family about it and I'm used to talk with them almost about everything that happens with me, good or bad but our sex lives are like a big no-no, in fact they don't know or suspect that I'm having sex. So imagine me talking to them about being afraid of getting HIV.

    I have repeated the scene over and over again in my head, thinking about how stupid I was of not using a condom, I know my risk could be low by not spending a lot of time inside eachother and also by not getting semen inside too, but the fear is still there.

    I'll keep fighting to stay positive and that my outcome would be good, that this was just a scary situation.

    I send my love to you all and thank you for reading.
     
    #14 Stillnotsure, Apr 8, 2016
  15. YeahpIdk

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    Hey Stillnotsure.

    I'm happy to see you've calmed down a bit. I know the "what ifs" can be unbearable. You're picturing the worst, picturing the best, and the in between is absolute agony.

    The fact that these tests are coming out negative are good! I think it's a rarity for the tests to be negative up until the 6 month mark. I'm actually not sure that's ever happened, I think the 6 month mark is when you will without-a-doubt have enough evidence in the blood, so there's no false negatives at that point.

    Since you continue to come up clear, I think you should put a reminder somewhere to go for the 3 month and forget about it as much as you can.

    Something that I do for myself when I'm unsure of my future (I've been having a lot of health issues lately that have really impacted my life), is be giddily ignorant. I'll think things like, "well, I should enjoy this day and just laugh and be happy because maybe next week after such and such test I will be severely depressed and not laugh for quite some time!" A few weeks ago I had to get these tests to see if I had a blood clot in my brain and knew that if I didn't, I was possibly being sent for a spinal tap. So I was making all these seriously dark, messed up jokes about spinal taps to a friend of mine and told her to just laugh with me because I probably wouldn't be happy for a little while after it and wanted to float around in my sarcastic, dark humor about it all. I advise you to do this! Make some jokes. Next time your what ifs turn dark, be like, "welp, guess I'll have HIV and that will suck." And laugh about it and just go on with life. My thoughts on this are 1) you will look back at these months of wasted worry and be annoyed at yourself because you're fine. 2) you will look back at this time and wish you didn't waste time being so miserable because reality will bite the big one. Either way, you're wasting some happiness with most likely unnecessary worry. Just choose to be happy and ignore it until you have to.

    I also have this family member who says really far out sh*t to me when I worry about big things. Like a blood clot, for example. I'll say, "but what if I have a blood clot and I'm going to die tomorrow?" She'll say something like, "Then you better make sure you have a good day today!" She's crazy, but it's true. Just enjoy your day!

    I'm not sure any of that was helpful, lol.
     
    #15 YeahpIdk, Apr 8, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 8, 2016
  16. Stillnotsure

    Stillnotsure
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    Hi YeahpIdk, it is really helpful, I haven't tested since the day after the encounter, I'm waiting for the 3 month test, some say I should try at the 4th week but I don't know, as you say, I'll keep trying to laugh it off and keep enjoying every day, as crazy as it seems, since writing here, every day that passes by, I get this feeling like I should make the best out of it.

    I'm sorry to hear what you're going through and you seem to be a really strong woman, your advices really resonate to me and I know we both are capable of dealing with this and then some! Send you a big hug and thank you for keeping up with me (*hug*)
     
    #16 Stillnotsure, Apr 9, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 9, 2016
  17. YeahpIdk

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    :slight_smile:(*hug*)
     
    #17 YeahpIdk, Apr 9, 2016
  18. Stillnotsure

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    Hello, I wanted to write an update, I still haven't been tested again but It's almost 6 weeks since my encounter and I've been talking with the guy I've slept with and asked him to be honest about his sexual history with me, he didn't change his story and told me he had a long time of no sexual activity after his exwive, that I was his first man, I asked if he could get tested and he agreed. Long-story-short, He told me his results came back negative, he didn't send me a picture or something to show me and I didn't asked for it, don't know why but I feel like he wouldn't lie to me on this matter, he could've already told me he had HIV if he was positive and we already had sex, or if he would've tested positive I think he would also tell me something or just never answer my messages again. What you think?...

    I feel calm and more happy like I don't have to keep worrying, I'm still getting tested on the 3rd month mark tho but for now I think I'm going to stop thinking I have HIV.
     
    #18 Stillnotsure, Apr 28, 2016
  19. localfwbguy

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    If it makes you feel any better I am going through the same thing...tho with possible Herpes infection. Could be herpes, could be rub burn. Partner swears they are disease free. Here we go, hurry up and wait.
     
    #19 localfwbguy, Apr 29, 2016
  20. tyro

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    Hey so it doesn't take 3-6 months to get results back. The tests we have now are much better. I don't know what healthcare you have access to however.

    Currently 4th generation testing should be reliable in about 2-4 weeks of the acute infection. Instead of measuring the antibodies mounted in defense of the virus it actually detects the antigen (p24) from the virus itself. This is detectable much earlier and so less likely you will get a false negative after 2-4 weeks.
    http://www.capitolregiontelehealth.org/documents/AETC-Webinar-2.pdf
     
    #20 tyro, May 2, 2016
    Last edited: May 2, 2016
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