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Sex Advice? please read and help if you can.

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Darkkev02, Apr 4, 2016.

  1. Darkkev02

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    Hey everyone. I'm a 19 yo guy in a loving relationship with another 19 yo guy. We're both versatile and we both enjoy topping more than bottoming. Sometimes my boyfriend doesn't stay hard while I'm topping him and he says he still enjoys it and that he gets nervous it might hurt or something so he loses the boner. Today he told me the truth and that's when he's bottoming he doesn't feel that good inside his butt...it doesn't hurt or anything but it's not strong (knowing that we have a long foreplay). He says he's turned on and everything and that he loves the connection and the intemacy and that it feels good when i'm stroking him while topping but inside it just doesn't feel that strong. He says that it feels good but not as good as our other practices. He also sometimes loses his boner because he's stressed and It gets really frustrating for me. I have a fairly average penis and I don't know if he needs a bigger one for his prostate to get more stimulated...Ive suggested the idea of seeing other guys but he said that he only loves me and he would only enjoy it emotionally more than physically with me and thats the most important part to him.
    I don't know how to feel about all of this...I honestly love topping and I don't think I can let go of it but if hes not enjoying it as much as I was expecting then maybe I should stop?? He promised it's not my fault and that im a great top but i'm still worried. Help me!!
     
  2. OnTheHighway

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    Try flipping, or taking turns. One day you top, another day he tops. Fair for both of you.
     
  3. OutofZCloset

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    I was reading your post and I'm sorry but all I could think about was how straight women have been faking it for their husbands for years. For some people that act of penetration is not that comfortable. Where that leaves two men I couldn't say. If you guys are in this for the long haul that could be a problem down the road
     
    #3 OutofZCloset, Apr 4, 2016
    Last edited: Apr 4, 2016
  4. Chloe

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    I can't speak from direct experience, but some thoughts:
    Has he determined whether or not he could enjoy prostate stimulation? It doesn't work for everyone. Toys and fingers might help determine if it's a realistic goal. If he can enjoy that, there might be positions that work when you top.

    Plenty of women enjoy anal sex and they don't have prostates, so there is more to it. It can be an extremely sensitive area (in a fun way), but many people have to sort through their mental objections as well as adjust the physical factors.

    Couples of all combinations (but especially same sex couples, I'd guess) often take turns being the one giving or receiving the main pleasure. Not everything needs to feels awesome. Getting him to love it is not the goal, but it would be worth finding a way for him to not dislike doing that for you sometimes.
     
  5. GenuineJoe22

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    Doesn't it depend on the 'Motion in the Ocean'?.
     
  6. Calf

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    If he was finding it uncomfortable but not saying so, then the last thing he would be hoping for is something bigger! You said that you had suggested seeing other people but he wasn't interested. Was your suggestion to both see other people? I only ask because from what you've written it seems that you are the one with the problem here as you feel that you are not satisfying him and that it is due to your failings. It wouldn't be unusual for you to want to try with someone else to make sure that you can be a satisfying top but it wouldn't be a good idea so far as your relationship is concerned because it would be an indirect effort to pass blame onto your partner.
    Maybe your boyfriend gets turned on in a different way to you but try to see it as a good thing. Experiment, be adventurous, let your boyfriend give you as much pleasure as you want to give him. Don't build up expectations, just enjoy yourself.
    If this is something that you really can't get over then maybe it is just the thin end of a larger crack in your relationship.
     
  7. josh9623

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    Definitely try switching positions just to see if it helps. It sounds as though he doesn't have an issue with it as much as you do. I understand both wanting to continue to get your own pleasure but wanting to give him more pleasure at the same time. His continuing to bottom for you seems like he is, at least, trying to pleasure you and even though he may not get much pleasure from the act, he may get pleasure from helping to please you. I would discuss this more with him as if you may make him feel guilty or uncomfortable if he thinks you don't want to top him because of this when he may not have an issue with it, as it sounds he may be indifferent to it or enjoying it at least slightly.