Okay, I'm much, much happier and content with myself than I was in my initial moments. the threads I posted here were an incredibly helpful first step for me that helped me get all my thoughts out that I could then explain to friends more easily that helped me understand. Okay, with the intro out of the way, I do have a therapist and a new primary care provider that are both trans-friendly and are the preferred people for trans individuals in my town to go to. So for professional help, I'm solid. No worries there. But... I wanted input from actual trans individuals who have already been through this about my weight. To start, I actually have an exact measurement on my height. I very, very carefully measured it in metric and right now it's exactly 176.8 cm. So roughly 5 feet and 9.6 inches. (will that go down a little bit after HRT makes all the changes it's going to?) So since I'm biologically male right now... that'd put a healthy weight at... 130 lbs to 170 lbs (59 kg to 79 kg). Or so. I'm at 196 lbs (89kg)... I think... I'm guessing there because my scale is in terrible shape and it isn't very accurate and I badly need to replace it but I can't afford to right now. The clinic scale said 208 but that was with my clothes, my compression band for my ribs, and my very heavy shoes (which I am sure are roughly 8lbs on their own -- hey they are comfy for me even in the summer). I'd be happy if I get it anywhere in that range and feel no need to push it to the very lower end. In fact, I don't want that because my face was too skeleton-like when it was that low. It's much nicer, even as a male face, filled out a bit. Though I need to lose some neck fat. As for the actual plan, because of my health problems I mentioned in my other threads (I have a muscle disorder and a rib injury that causes me severe pain at all times but especially when I breathe harder or move those muscles next to it), almost every possible exercise you can think of is impossible for me. I have one, and only one option: bicycling. On a real bike, not a stationary. I have no idea why a real bike, and only a real bike, won't hurt that rib much, just that it won't. So I just roll with it. I can manage the breathing pain with a compression belt across the wound. I have done this before to lose about 30 lbs (14 kg). So I know it will work and work with my diet. I just need the motivation to keep it up, which I have now. Bonus points, I don't find it particularly painful, for the rest of my body if you don't count that naughty rib injury, and can go very long distances and love it and I find it very relaxing and it helps with my anxiety, which I have a building up like crazy over my identity crisis now. I'm happy about that, but am always worried about the financial, logistical, and social implications of what is involved in transition. Oh, and also, it'll get me some sunlight, I think I am having dry, itchy, sore-filled, dandruff releasing scalp problems from vitamin D deficiency. (I use dry scalp shampoos, even tried coal tar shampoos, for it constantly but it doesn't help). So the plan should help with that issue too if that is indeed what is causing that. I will, of course, run that by my primary, I will schedule a full physical for that and my other issues. My concern.... is how much muscle mass this will build in my legs. And if I will lose fat in the wrong places. I do want to develop a more feminine body, and I really don't want masculine-looking muscles in my legs, and I wonder if I should wait to start HRT first. I know with certainty that once I commit to it, I can lose that weight because I have done so before with this plan. Please don't suggest a trainer, I thought of that already and it is impossible for me to afford. What little spending money I have would have to be reserved for HRT if my insurance won't pay for it. Side question, I have some pretty severe stretch marks all over my upper legs (they're more stretch marks than healthy skin there) because I jumped from that lower-most end healthy weight I mentioned up to that highest amount have ever been that I mentioned before dropping to my current weight, and I gained all of that in just about only a year. So yeah, major stretch marking. It was the college bloat, you know. Will my biking exercise plan help with them and can I do anything else to do it short of corrective laser surgery (which scares me at the thought of paying for and the pain). I tried internet searching for this but I just got the feeling so much of what I was finding was untrustworthy or outright lies. I do have a bottle of cocoa butter oil based scar treatment cream I got in hopes of it minimizing the appearance of a couple new scars I'm about to get on my face from cyst removals (I will probably want laser repair surgery for that in the future anyway). I will also ask my primary on this but I also wanted your thoughts.
It's very hard, if not impossible, to burn fat (and only fat) without any kind of strength training, as if you aren't using your muscles and following a (very) high-protein diet, your body will preferentially degrade your muscles and you'll end up what they call "skinny fat." Which I kind of am right now and am battling every day at the gym and through dieting, but I'm already seeing some results. Losing WEIGHT implies restricting calorie intake MODERATELY, that is ca. 20-25% calorie deficit, no more, no less. Now, losing FAT implies, in addition to that, using your muscles and saturating your diet with protein in order for the loss to be fat instead of muscle. I know that you don't want masculine-looking muscles. That won't happen if you're on a calorie deficit; the best case would be your muscles not getting any bigger. Now, bicycling is actually a rather poor exercise for fat loss, as doing cardio while restricting calories promotes muscle breakdown as much as, or even instead of, burning fat, and therefore sets you straight on the road to being skinny fat. The ideal way to do this would be eating at least 1g of protein per pound of body weight while restricting calories to 75-80% of your expenditure. Then you NEED to do some strength training, compound exercises being best, and SHORT, high-intensity bicycling for no more than 20 minutes a day, and preferably alternating ca. 2 minutes of "easy" riding with 1 minute of nearly as hard as you can (that's called high intensity interval training, HIIT for short, and it really does wonders.) The problem here is doing the strength training. Sadly I'm not qualified to suggest you exercises that you could do, so I'd suggest you to try some and do what you can. Regarding HRT, I'd rather lose the weight before starting HRT as individuals with naturally high levels of female hormones (that is, cis women) have it much harder as estrogen promotes fat storage. Now on to the stretch marks, as far as I know they are permanent unless corrected by surgery, but they do fade over time. There are cosmetic products that hide them when you go to the beach and the like, but a permanent solution would be surgical.
I think females have a lower muscle mass than males and with HRT (I don't know about it, it's only a guess) you might loose muscle and weight. Muscular legs are normal in women. Actually women are sometimes stronger in their legs while men have more strenght in their upper bodies. Weight lifting can't bulk you up anymore, that works only with testosterone or if you train very very hard and specific areas. You can google female abs for example and see what the results would be. But keep in mind, the really strong abs are achieved by years of hard work. Also if you do a little chest workout you already have the basis for beautiful formed breasts.
A couple of the responses here missed a very important part of my post. Which I guess is because it is so long winded. I already tried all the suggested exercises that have been told to me here and everywhere else. It does not matter for me how helpful a particular one would normally be for a healthy person or how the one I can do is not exactly ideal for what I need. I physically, cannot do any other one. I am physically disabled. No amount of "well this works better" is going to change that. I have that damaged rib that grinds into the muscles lining my rib cage. And there is intense, stabbing pain whenever I do any of those exercises. Any of them. Biking is the only one that didn't. The only one. I eliminated the rest. It is not a simple annoyance either. The pain is unimaginably bad. I burned my hand in 2009. 2nd degree burns. It was outrageously painful. And it still didn't hurt as much as the rib does when I bend or twist my upper body the wrong way. Of course, the burn was more traumatic overall because that was constant pain that lasted for weeks, but at any one instance, just one moment in time, the rib is worse. My reflexive recoil takes the pressure off. It is not something I can ignore, it is exceptionally painful. It is that bad. Your eyes water and for the moment you cannot think of anything but the pain, nothing else matters. THAT is what I feel when I bend or stretch the muscles above that injury. It cannot simply be ignored or endured. The rib is literally shoved into the muscles above it, right beneath the skin, deforming them like the surface of a balloon is when you push your finger into it. And as for diet, I said that was fine. You didn't tell me anything there I didn't already know. I already lost as much weight as I need to lose before. I know I can do it just fine without any trouble. That was not my concern. I was not asking advice on how to lose weight. I already can do that. I needed to know how it'd affect my appearance. That's it. The last two times I asked a doctor if the rib could be fixed, I was told it was an elective procedure that would be very expensive. I can ask again, but I'm expecting the same answer. And yes, I am aware that the only real permanent solution for the marks is surgical. And someday I'll do it, I will need to handle a few other scars anyway. I just was curious about what I could do to improve their appearance, not totally fix them since I know that's not going to happen without the spendy surgery.
Do you know about this scar gel? I've used it and it really seems to work. The marks aren't totally gone but there's a noticeable difference. I can't remember how long it's supposed to take but I'm not really paying attention to that. I'm just finishing a tube and if I think I need more, getting another one. Also, I'm not sure it makes a difference but I apply it after my shower because I imagine the skin is more receptive to topical treatments. I'm not sure that's true but I'm going with it. Another thing I've heard of about scars, from more than one medical professional, is that using any basic moisturizer works. I think you have to be pretty religious about it, though. Also, you should wear sunscreen on any exposed skin. You might think a tan would hide them but the sun is just doing more damage. Good luck!
I did just buy some cocoa butter oil based scar treatment cream. It says stretch marks as one of the things it treats on the bottle. But that's not why I got it. I got it to do whatever I can to minimize the appearance of the new scars I'm about to get on my face from cyst removals. I've accepted those because it'd be LESS noticeable than the red areas (don't worry they're not infected yet) or raised bumps I currently have there. I suppose I can try it out on the marks. I don't necessarily need them 100% gone right now. I could think about full permanent removal later. I just need them improved because they're physically annoying, not just in appearance. The loose parts of skin get caught when I deal with body hair. I think I have some of that mederma gel lying around actually too. I just gave up on it. But that was before I knew. I'm more motivated now. As for tanning, I actually find that unattractive anyway so when necessary, I'm okay with sunscreening it up. I am considering using moisturizer on a regular basis anyway to take the edge off how natural male skin feels. For that I got this bottle of coconut butter body wash that is supposed to exfoliate and moisturize. Figured I'd need it if I'm serious about going all out with body hair removal on a regular basis.
Good plan. :] One other tip. Sugar is a great scrub/exfoliater. Of course, don't do this if the skin is broken or irritates you but I've found this makes your skin sooooo soft. Every once in a while I take a half cup or so of sugar into the shower and use it to scrub face, legs, arms, whatever. You should try to keep it from getting too wet but a little doesn't matter. I just take a scoop of it and start rubbing it over the area. I just keep scrubbing/rubbing until the sugar dissolves and then move to another area. The first time I did it, it left my skin kind of red but that faded very quickly. It doesn't bother me as much now. (Your hands may get the most affected because they're doing the scrubbing.) If you can stand it, it really makes your skin soft. Oh, and another thing I've used for fading scars is vit. A. I just get some gel capsules and cut one open and topically apply the gel like I would any other "cream". This might be working even faster than the mederma.
