1. This site uses cookies. By continuing to use this site, you are agreeing to our use of cookies. Learn More.

Sexual body image.

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by Emberstone, Mar 28, 2009.

  1. Emberstone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2008
    Messages:
    6,680
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Oregon, USA
    This is something I have been curious. I am who I am, and there are alot of things that I am proud of about myself. Consequently, there are things I would like to change, that are in my power to change. I would like to put a little more weight on (muscle preferibly), as I am 6'3"ish, and 140 pounds, so fairly stick figure.

    However, whenever I consider just taking the plunge, and putting myself out there in a dating enviorment, I keep thinking about things that I really cant change. Things of a more sexual nature. being a guy, one thing that comes up, that I think it does for many guys, is in a physical/sexual way, would I live up to others expectations.

    Whenever I have these thoughts, I do my best to push them away, and focus on the things I am proud of about myself, and things I can actually change (or change in a way that isnt risky to ones health)

    It just seems like socieity still puts alot of pressure on LGBT people, as they do hetrosexual people, and often the same pressures.
     
  2. ricoca

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2008
    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    I said the same thing on the Post Secret thread.
    Well I said I hate superficial gay men, which includes myself but I really think there is that social stigma that makes EVERYONE doubt themselves.

    I'm 6 and 200ish. That's overweight right there, but no one can guess my weight correctly. It's kinda hard having to deal with it, yet at the same time, you can't change a society itself.

    So nice to know that there're people out there who feel the same way. :grin:
     
  3. Sexiross

    Sexiross Guest

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2009
    Messages:
    0
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    washington pa
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    All but family
    I am always worried if im good enough to ...um...(cough)....meet cvetain expectations to please a guy .... we both have to realizes ...that their is More to us then are sex!!!(*hug*)
     
  4. Emberstone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2008
    Messages:
    6,680
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Oregon, USA
    I know. I would rather have a relationship based on a deep emotional connection, but still, society seems to place so much value in a relationship on sex.

    I guess it also comes to the fact that I am still a virgin, so sex is still a different experince to me. I am a virgin because I only came out to a few people when I was 25, and I never needed to test my sexuality to know my orientation.

    but still, it is this apprehensious thing for me because it is probably one of the steps in the future.
     
  5. limfjord96

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 6, 2009
    Messages:
    228
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    San Diego
    hey, same boat here, but unfortunately people will always be attracted physically to other people, i know looks are the first thing i notice, and so does everyone else, but you have to meet some one and know them before you can emotionally connect, make sense? but what do i know i am walking hormone factor at age 27 :slight_smile:
     
  6. Just Adam

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 17, 2009
    Messages:
    4,435
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    My AV room
    im convinced im disgusting i would change everything about me lol
     
  7. VanceA

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 12, 2009
    Messages:
    176
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Calgary, AB
    I was hit on by 'the' hot guy at the bar on firday, the whole time he was talking to me( agood hour or so) all i could think of was 'why are you talking to me, thres much better people out there' so its safe to say i have issues with my body as well. I know im not horrible, but its hard to get out of your head when you live you whole life thinking it.
     
  8. Z3ni

    Z3ni Guest

    Me too ! :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  9. Lexington

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 20, 2007
    Messages:
    11,409
    Likes Received:
    11
    Location:
    Colorado
    Gender:
    Male
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    A few points to be made.

    Despite what people think, personality DOES go a long way. I'd venture to say it's more important than just looks. Thought experiment. Take two guys - one hot, one average-looking. Put them in a bar. Have the average guy be gregarious, chatty, friendly. And put the hot guy in the corner, staring at his drink, not looking up. The average guy will, in fact, end up making more friends (or scoring more phone numbers, if that's the game).

    Quite often, the hot guy DOES get a bit more attention at the outset. This gives him confidence to chat more, which attracts more attention. It does feed on itself.

    Next ,when people start talking about things like societal expectations and body image, it almost always concern the arrows pointing inward. To wit, "am I attractive enough?" But we're not islands. We are, in actuality, a part of that society. And as such, we would do well to look at the arrows pointing outward, as well.

    On another website, there was a post from a guy near tears. He felt he was overweight and unattractive, he despaired of ever getting a date, and bitched at gay society as a whole for being so shallow for not seeing his "inner beauty". A bunch of us tried to bolster his self-esteem, telling him to work on his personality, at being more outgoing. Later, he said he was having some success, but "nothing worth mentioning". Confused, we asked for details. "Oh, I'm getting some guys hitting on me, but they're all fat ugly guys. I want a hot muscular guy!" Apparently, when others do it to us, it's being shallow. But when we do it to others, it's being selective. :slight_smile:

    So do keep an open mind. Make sure that you're not doing the same thing you're accusing others of doing. Give other guys a chance to win you over with their personalities if they don't do so with their bodies.

    Lex
     
  10. Emberstone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2008
    Messages:
    6,680
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Oregon, USA
    That is the hard thing. You feel pressured to be something that you may not be. You feel pressured to be sexually appealing to others, but sometimes, you just dont feel up to going through the abulutions required to met such a standard. then you get depressed.

    I feel a road block everytime I consider just throwing caution to the wind. I think part of the defeat is that I dont know what to expect if I put myself out there.
     
  11. Filip

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Feb 18, 2009
    Messages:
    2,355
    Likes Received:
    105
    Location:
    Belgium, EU
    Gender:
    Male
    Gender Pronoun:
    He
    Sexual Orientation:
    Gay
    Out Status:
    Out to everyone
    I'm usually very concerned about my body image as well, though as I'm meeting more and more gay people, it turns out many of those aren't hot supermodels either, but still attractive each in their own way.

    In fact, I sometimes find guys that have something "off" (like eyes that would be considered to be a little too close together; or a nose that would be considered slightly too big, or just a bit too much fat to be considered muscular) more special than generic hot boy #157
    So I sort of trust that there will be someone out there that finds me attractive, despite not being perfect myself.
     
  12. Mysterons

    Mysterons Guest

    It's true that being outgoing is equally or even more important than being physically perfect, but the truth is that being good looking generally boosts your social skills. The ugly ones have to strive harder to gather confidence :frowning2:.

    In my case, I generally have a low opinion of my looks, although on certain occasions (when I'm in a particularly good mood) I say to myself 'well I don't look that bad, do I?'.
     
  13. Emberstone

    Full Member

    Joined:
    May 26, 2008
    Messages:
    6,680
    Likes Received:
    1
    Location:
    Oregon, USA
    I spent most of my life being told I wasnt adequate... It can be hard to love how you look after years of that.

    I know looks arent everything, but sometimes it is hard not to feel like you dont stand a chance.
     
  14. ricoca

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Nov 2, 2008
    Messages:
    354
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Los Angeles, CA
    That's the whole idea :grin:
    I think more people should learn to love themselves more :slight_smile:
    I think someone here told me to start making a little list and saying them in front of a mirror.

    For example "I love how I can successfully squeeze my blackheads!" :grin:

    (*hug*)
     
  15. The Enigma

    The Enigma Guest

    Sexiness is a very strange thing. Most of society, hetero or gay seems to dislike fat or disproportionate people. Why? Because its not sexy, according to them. But, when I see black women, bigger ones mind you, they not only look pretty, but they FEEL sexy. Why? If society thinks all fat people are unattractive, then by all means they shouldn't be allowed to feel good in their body.Them some big girls, but they definitely feel sexy.

    In my opinion, it's all in the attitude. :wink:
     
  16. s5m1

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Dec 13, 2007
    Messages:
    800
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    Maryland
    Notice the common theme in almost all of the posts on this thread – nearly everyone has the same concerns and feelings. Well, when you are out at a gay bar, for example, most of the other gay guys there are likely feeling the same things as you. These are very common feelings for people to have, gay or straight. Lex’s point is the key – your attitude and mindset make all the difference. If you go out, say hello to people, try to be friendly and positive, you will be amazed at how many people you will meet. And, the more people you meet, the greater your chance of meeting, “Mr. Right.”
     
  17. aerwolfen

    Full Member

    Joined:
    Mar 19, 2009
    Messages:
    172
    Likes Received:
    0
    Location:
    winnipeg manitoba
    i'm a perfect example,20 pounds over than i should be,does it bother me,no at the very least i love myself,for who i am and how i look,a have a very positive outlook in life and i'm sure it spills over in my personality when someone meets me,i'm open and honest,and the most important part of my being is that i do not judge anyone for how they look,we are all beautiful people, ( i'm still on cloud nine ) respect yourself and others will respect you back,positive thinking can change your mindset,thats the most important thing.