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i feel like my homosexuality is a mental illness??

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by jenne, Nov 15, 2016.

  1. jenne

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    i know that there are soo many people like me.. and that homosexuality is not a mental illness and gay people absolutely can have a happy life and i admire them! but in my everyday life i'm around only to close minded people who are completely straight (nothing wrong with that) but i just feel so different and i don't feel like i'm normal.. when i like a woman i feel so guilty and like a "pervert".. i don't know how to say it.. i'm like "why i can't like guys"? "am i crazy"? and i feel so sad and depressed.. and i have everyone telling me "when are you going to get a boyfriend? it's time don't you think?"
    all these things make me think that i have some kind of disorder for liking women..
    any advice?:icon_sad:
     
  2. warrior452

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    Been there, done that. Thought ALL the negative thoughts about myself. Be the beautiful, authentic you. You aren't ill or crazy or broken. Sometimes you can feel sad and depressed. But never feel guilty for being yourself or for loving someone. <3 xoxo
     
  3. Lalayajen

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    We all have felt th same way but remember it is just like being left handed.
     
  4. Totesgaybrah

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    Being left handed was once considered a mental illness.


    Being gay is not a mental illness, it is a sexual preference.
     
  5. I'm gay

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    Hi Jenne,

    You have been taught by your family, friends and society your entire life that being gay is abnormal. It's been ingrained in you from the start.

    Over time, we internalize those messages when we discover that we have attractions to people of the same sex. This sometimes happens even in families that are more LGBT friendly, but it certainly happens in families where homophobia is present.

    We also live in a heteronormative society. The fact that people assume you are straight until told otherwise. Asking you "when you are going to get a boyfriend" is a perfect example of this.

    You still have internalized homophobia and shame. You know that homosexuality is not a mental illness, but it still feels like you are doing something wrong by having these thoughts. This is the part you need to work on.

    Take care. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:ride:
     
  6. Patrick7269

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    ^^^ What Imgay47 said! Exactly my thoughts.

    Be gentle with yourself and love yourself. Homophobia from society causes self hate, and this is the enemy of acceptance and self love. Make peace with yourself.

    *warm hugs*

    Patrick
     
  7. seeking

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    I still struggle with this..while I don't see it as a mental illness. I feel different and strange to everyone else. Like I don't fit in and it has affected me negatively especially on an emotional level.
    It has also kept me emotionally isolated from people and limited me from creating emotional bonds with family & friends.
    I'm still working on being comfortable with myself...maybe seeing a therapist will help you become more comfortable in your sexuality. I think only time will allow you to be more authentic.
     
    #7 seeking, Nov 15, 2016
    Last edited: Nov 15, 2016
  8. Guff

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    I know exactly how you feel, a part of me knows I can't be changed. The other part wants to be changed so badly, that I at least somewhat give into the "change" even though logically I know it's not there.
    It's like I want to be straight, I REALLY want to be straight. I really REALLY wanna like girls. I want it so badly that I'm willing to do crazy things, including lie to myself. And telling myself I can change, all I have to do is "believe". I want this, I want this so badly that I'm even somewhat deceiving myself into believing it's real.

    But we got to remember, it's just to good to be true. (Hope I don't get hate for using the word good LOL sorry!)
    We can't change who we are. We can change how we accept ourselves, which is hard. Damn hard. Especially when we're surrounded by everyone else in the world telling us we're crazy and mental! Just 2 days ago I did a chapter in a conversion therapy book. LOL Obviously it was a ridiculous waste of time, it even made me feel worse about myself.
    That's it, it made me dislike me... Not like girls. LOL

    But me aside, I totally understand what you are going and would love to chat with you if you'd like about it. (Or literally anything!)
     
  9. Celatus

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    I'm currently at a state now that I'm so sexually detached from society that I'm past the point of caring. Like women just don't arouse me but men do...so that's how it is. I didn't choose, hell I wouldn't choose to be gay even if I could. It's not easy being a 'misfit', especially when the last thing you want to do is change yourself to conform to some societal gay norm. So I live knowing, and freely telling if asked, that's just the way things are. And if other people don't like it whatever. I'm certainly not about to change myself to appear more obviously or stereotypically gay. Fuck no. I relish the fact that I can maintain a normal 'straight' demeanor and people would never know unless they probed into my personal life. It's like hiding in plain site. But that's good, having other people treat you...well like other people should. Without the bias and shit that comes if people automatically lable you as a fag.
    I view being gay as a fundamental biological and psychological condition. Not a condition as in a problem, but rather, simply a state. There's nothing ill or twisted or awful about being gay, it's just...a different state of being. You certainly didn't CHOOSE it, it's just how you and I are. Once you realize that, it won't sit so heavily on your conscience. Being gay is not a mental illness, nor does it indicate underlying psychosis or anything like that. It's simply just how we are.
     
  10. MsAnchor

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    Honey honey honey i feel you

    I came out to myself years ago but when i am around people who are super straight and homophobic i start to think the same way, honestly it was only when i started to have a close circle of friends who know and fully support who aim i feel better about myself and started spending more and more time with them and limiting my time with those i can't come out to.
    You are not mentally ill
    You are you still coming to peace with the wonderful person you are (&&&)
     
  11. johndeere3020

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    Self acceptance is sooooo hard! You are NOT alone!
     
  12. PatrickUK

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    It's not mental illness, but it is shame. If the narrative you hear is always the same -- that being gay is wrong, abnormal, disordered, an abomination.... you are not going to feel at all happy or relaxed about it. On the contrary, you will feel rejected, offended and dismissed, and all of that piles up layers and layers of shame over the course of a lifetime.

    We're not born ashamed and if we grew up in a society where being gay was as common as being straight and nobody held hostile views we wouldn't experience these doubts about our emotional condition and endless questions about ourselves.

    If you trace it all back, the origins of shame begin in our formative years and that's why therapy often explores relationships with parents, siblings, friends etc. It's only by peeling back the layers (of shame) that we get to the heart of the matter.
     
  13. beenthrdonetht

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    Yeah. If "mental illness" means being out of sync with the majority, well no wonder you feel this way. Not like I'm telling you something you don't know. And of course you know that being gay is natural (in the sense that it happens in nature to many creatures) but we are talking about how you feel.

    Patrick makes a good point: we are not born ashamed, so it (probably) comes from outside us. You don't have much control over that, but you do have some control over how you react. I recommend LGBT meetings or groups, even if you have to drive hours to get there. They're like this forum, but on steroids. As far as the emotional support is concerned.
     
  14. Lexington

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    I've always been different. Hell, even within the "I dig guys" dynamic, I've been different. I've always been attracted to different guys than the prototypical gay guy is. I dress in cheap T-shirts and jeans, and have season tickets to contact sports - neither of which is really common within gay circles. And I'm "different" in lots of other ways, too.

    But see - that's what makes Lex Lex. I've grown to accept me, to befriend me, to like me, to love me. And others think I'm pretty OK, too. :slight_smile:

    Lex
     
  15. ImNotYourMom

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    shouldn't really care about haters. but if you feel like gay isnt you, then thats where the problem arise.