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Eating Disorders/self-harm

Discussion in 'Physical & Sexual Health' started by CallistoVaud, Nov 30, 2016.

  1. CallistoVaud

    Regular Member

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    I haven't been diagnosed but I've had big issues with eating in the past. I've restricted, I've purged, I've also cut mysef... I've never talked to a therapist or psychiatrist about my eating issues.

    Now they've come back, stronger than ever. The girl I think I love recently left me, even though we weren't together. I've not felt okay since that.
    My sister and I got in a fight yesterday because she's noticed my eating habits and compared me to her old roommate who was anorexic. I've lost 9 pounds in the last 12 days and I can't wait to lose more. I want to weigh at most 130. Today I weighed in at 155 which is the least I've weighed in the last year. It's exciting to be noticing differences in my body. But I've been 16 days without cutting myself and now I want to again. Losing weight is great but it's not enough. I want to be at my goal weight already.

    I've told a few friends who are willing to help but I'm not willing to get help yet. I want to accomplish as much weight loss as I can before seeking help. I don't want my family or friends to worry about me though. There's nothing to worry about I'm keeping along just fine. I don't have a lot of energy or tolerance but I'm achieving something.

    Thanks for anyone who reads this. I just wanted to get it all out there. I haven't been able to tell any one person the whole story. I'm afraid they'll try and put me in treatment. :icon_redf :confused:
     
  2. anthracite

    anthracite Guest

    For your eating I'd like to know your current BMI and your target BMI. Therfore I can determine whether you're actually doing unhealthy or your sister is scared that you could look good.

    About cutting: Sport is actually a nice substitute. It doesn't give you the same kind of feel, but does a mood increase.
     
  3. killswitch0029

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    I recommend you seek help immediately. There's healthy ways to lose weight, and there's harmful ways to lose weight, which is what you're doing falls under.

    Losing 9 pounds in a matter of almost two weeks is very alarming. At a healthy rate you should be losing 2 pounds per week at most. You might think that you can just stop and be willing to seek help once you hit your target weight, but what you're doing is going to have a much deeper psychological effect on you than you think it will and you're not likely to say "Yay 130, time to get help."

    You say you haven't cut in 16 days but you still want to. If you have the urge, even if you don't act on it, it's still an issue (I used to cut so I know what I'm talking about.)

    Getting help for your issues before they cause some permanent damage is nothing to be ashamed of. Realistically should these problems become severe to get you sent to a hospital, they're gonna find out what's going on and you're getting the help whether or not you wish to at that time. I know I can't force you to, but I seriously hope you get some help and break out of the state-of-mind that you're in control.
     
  4. CallistoVaud

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    She might be worried I'll look good but she also has valid reasons to worry about me. I'm eating under 500 calories a day, 200 being my ideal. And I do act weird about eating in front of other people and I say weird stuff. The disorder has changed me a lot. I'm not sure my bmi or target bmi. I'm 5'8" or so. It's definitely healthy right now I'm just not sure if/when I'll be able to stop starving. I exhibit a lot of signs of anorexia... and I did end up cutting myself last night
     
  5. CallistoVaud

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    Thanks for your concern and advice. I've realized I'm too far away from my goal weight to want to seek help yet but I do have a friend who has resources and will be there for me when I'm ready to talk. There's still a lot of shame around it because I don't want help yet I want to keep losing weight. I still weight a lot so I'm not underweight or anything. I really really doubt I'll end up in the hospital before I'm able to get help....I looked into a treatment center today. I did end up cutting myself last night
     
  6. anthracite

    anthracite Guest

    Actually when you start to work towards your dream body, the vast majority of people overdo it. I've done countless exercises wrong and did some damage. No one would bother to diagnose me with muscle addiction. What you should look for is your target weight and see if it's not underweight according to BMI.

    And people tend to overreact when they see achievements. We do not know if this could be the case with your sister or you actually need help. Could you put your current weight and target weight up here?

    Have you found any skills to help you quit self-harming? Or are you going cold turkey?
     
  7. anthracite

    anthracite Guest

    Oh there's a second thread of you. Now I double posted. Sorry...

    Yes, this is indeed a reason to worry. Note that when you're doing something for longer than 21 days it becomes a habit and turns on autopilot, meaning it will be very hard to eat normal after that. Weight loss without a target is even more dangerous. I think it's time to stop and find a diet that works for you.

    130 for your height is, as far as I know healthy. But your methods are not. Could you try to put up your calorie intake slowly? Like 600, then 700. I don't know the recommended intake, but probably a diet consultant could help you.

    Well, shit happens. Don't beat yourself up because of it. I've had this too. Everyone relapses sometimes. Alcoholics, junkies, everyone. And we're no different, only that we trigger a dose of happy hormones in another way. You still got that 16 days and no one will take them away from you. Could it help if you saw it as a game? Beating your record?
     
  8. Rozco

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    Having had a horrible struggle with anorexia, I am concerned about you. That is far too little to be eating at the kind of "got to lose" mindset paired with losing that much weight in 2 weeks and feeling self-harming tendencies reeks of how I felt originally and when I relapsed. It feels good at first and you think you can stop but you can't...please get help. Seeing a nutritionist is beneficial bc they can help you meet your weight loss goals but in a healthy way.

    Please take care of yourself. It's far too easy to disillusion yourself with fantasies of reaching a point and feeling satisfied.